Venting I love my dad for being my dad, but he's a fucking disgusting human being.

[Friends151617]

My dad used to be pretty cool when I was age 9 and younger.

However...when I got into my pre-teen years, I got moody. As is normal for someone going through an awkward phase. And I sometimes would make rude or inappropriate remarks. But instead of handling it in a mature way, he'd angrily shout and insult me right back.

Like...it's hard to think of a specific scenario since it was so long ago, but here goes.

Dad: Hey son, how was your day at school?

Me: *rolls eyes* Ugh, can you please not talk to me right now? I'm really not in a fucking good mood.

Dad: Hey, don't you talk to me that way you worthless motherfucker! I'll take away all of your fucking privileges!
Yeah...it's fucked up, but that's my family dynamic. :/

As I got older and older though...it got worse and worse.

And as I eventually came out as bisexual, agender/genderless/non-binary and shit, he got even more angry and more aggressive towards me. Going as for as even pushing me to knock me to the ground, and giving me hard open hand slaps to the face, even when I still had my glasses on.

I can't really deal with this anymore. I already was an adult at 18. I'm not a whole year older than 18, I'm 19. I'm getting closer and closer to death, and I can't deal with all of my dad's bullshit and negativity. I plan to move out before turning 20. Get a job at Publix or something, as well as a roommate or two.

As for my mom...she's actually really nice, and my dad argues a lot with her too, but doesn't hit her since she's female. My mom said she doesn't even know why they're still together, but she's afraid to leave him.

For the record, this is not completely one-sided. My dad is an aggressive asshole, but I am one too. Before he gave me those hard open hand slaps to the face, I tormented him a heck of a lot. It was something like.

Me: I'm bisexual and I will go on dates with other boys whether you like it or not! You may biologically be my father, but I don't consider you my daddy! You're just a sexist, homophobic, racist asshole, whose entire life and existence is worth absolutely nothing! Nobody likes you, nobody I tell you! That's why you got zero friends, and all of your friends left you! You're better off dead! Heck, I would even kill you myself if I could!

Dad: *gives me like 5 hard open hand slaps to the face* Do you wanna get hit in the face bitch? Is that what you want? Look at me, I'm bigger and stronger than you. If anyone dies, it will be you, motherfucker. And for the record, you're the worthless one. I used to be a computer engineer. What the fuck have you done besides play video games all day for 19 years? The world frankly wouldn't miss you if you died. *slaps me some more*

Yeah...incredibly unhealthy relationship, and probably makes all of you uncomfortable just reading it, but I felt I needed to write and post this somewhere.

 

[muffin222]

I'm so sorry you're stuck in this unhealthy, volatile situation :( this sounds horrible.

Your dad sounds like he has some unresolved issues and unhealed anger and rage that he offloads onto you and your mom. He sounds emotionally immature- and possibly even narcissistic- and unable to handle his own emotions, so he unleashes them onto other people. It sounds like you're harboring a lot of rage and resentment towards him as well, which is completely understandable given his treatment of you. Almost all pre-teens are moody and mouthy- it's the parent's job to teach the child how to cope with these emotions in a healthy positive way. Instead, it sounds like your dad himself takes personal offense to your completely understandable emotions and tries to punish you for having them. This is abuse, plain and simple, regardless of whether your dad feels you "deserve" it :( you don't

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Gautama Buddha said that the roots of violence and oppression, based in hatred, greed and delusion, stem from the thought, "I have power and I want power."

Example:

Do you wanna get hit in the face bitch? Is that what you want? Look at me, I'm bigger and stronger than you.

 

[Dookieshoes]

Sounds rough. You lead with "I love my dad..." so does that mean there's hope? Reading your text I can imagine your anger, and I can picture the venom you choose to fight back with.

Have you tried a softer approach? In your first example above you're not exactly not an asshole. Is there anything YOU can do to call a cease fire and speak civilly? I think it's a shame that people stonewall so hard that they destroy relationships. Talk. Be open. Be calm.

 

[Ghost2211]

It's pretty awful that you've been made to endure a parent saying such cruel things and using violence to maintain control. People that messed up are almost always beyond help, and will always be toxic for you to be around. I feel bad for your mom too. Its really sad she lives in fear of her partner.

 

[Meditation guide]

.incredibly unhealthy relationship, and probably makes all of you uncomfortable just reading it, but I felt I needed to write and post this somewhere.

That is a horrible exchange you described. I think you should figure out how to move out of there asap.