I love life so much

[puella]

I love life. There's so much I could do. So many people I could help, goals I have, fun things to do, beautiful places to see, yummy foods to eat, new things to try, ideas to think about. I want to do that.

I wouldn't let the pain I've felt or the struggles I've gotten through take anything away from my joy. I know it could all be okay and I could be happy.

My dysphoria takes it all away. I have a constant unease with everything I experience because I have to experience it through my body. Everything is wrong. It's like, if everything in the world was constantly covered in a thick layer of some gross, sticky sludge. And if the sludge made me incredibly depressed and anxious.

I just need to beat this dysphoria. Just that one thing, and I can have all of that amazing joy. I really hope it isn't impossible.

 

[timf]

Dysphoria with the body can take many forms. Currently gender is more well known. However, one can experience this with a particular part of the body or even general appearance. It can grow to color every aspect of life. Excessive self-focus of any sort seldom produces good results. It might be a worthwhile experiment to see what activities you might try to distribute your attention. If you can distribute it in many directions you might be able to thus reduce the discontent you presently experience.

 

[puella]

Dysphoria with the body can take many forms. Currently gender is more well known. However, one can experience this with a particular part of the body or even general appearance. It can grow to color every aspect of life. Excessive self-focus of any sort seldom produces good results. It might be a worthwhile experiment to see what activities you might try to distribute your attention. If you can distribute it in many directions you might be able to thus reduce the discontent you presently experience.

I've tried everything I could think of even with the help of a therapist. I think the only possible solution is medical gender affirmation.

 

[timf]

Dysphoria of any sort can become sort of "locked in" if one comes to see a particular trajectory as the only hope. This can be especially difficult if one comes to associate pleasure when considering the course of action. There are few who can resist being drawn in that direction. Considering that half the people who go down that particular path will attempt suicide, it might be useful to get as much information from those who have gone before. There are probably many Youtube videos where those who came to regret going down this path are willing to share their stories to help others.

Individual situations vary, but it might be useful to learn as much as you can.

 

[puella]

Dysphoria of any sort can become sort of "locked in" if one comes to see a particular trajectory as the only hope. This can be especially difficult if one comes to associate pleasure when considering the course of action. There are few who can resist being drawn in that direction. Considering that half the people who go down that particular path will attempt suicide, it might be useful to get as much information from those who have gone before. There are probably many Youtube videos where those who came to regret going down this path are willing to share their stories to help others.

Individual situations vary, but it might be useful to learn as much as you can.

I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure I understand.

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure I understand.

I think that person may be trying to say "just don't be trans" in really complex words! >_< I wish it was that easy! :(((

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

it's very refreshing and encouraging to hear someone says that they love life and even though I feel the opposite and probably hate it more than I hate myself I want to thank you for trying and not giving up!! I really hope you're gonna be able to beat your issue and have a long happy life!!!! Even though some of us can't have it and have to destroy themselves, I'm glad that there are people like yourself who want to get better!!! I wish you good luck and all the best from the bottom of my heart!!!!
STAY SAFE, STAY STRONG!!! YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!

 

[RainAndSadness]

Dysphoria of any sort can become sort of "locked in" if one comes to see a particular trajectory as the only hope. This can be especially difficult if one comes to associate pleasure when considering the course of action. There are few who can resist being drawn in that direction. Considering that half the people who go down that particular path will attempt suicide, it might be useful to get as much information from those who have gone before. There are probably many Youtube videos where those who came to regret going down this path are willing to share their stories to help others.

Individual situations vary, but it might be useful to learn as much as you can.

Please refrain from spreading misinformation. None of the things you've said are true. Trans-affirming medical procedures and validation is what decreases depression, self-harm and suicidal behavior of trans people. [1][2][3][4]
The detransition rate is ususally consistently between one and two percent. [5][6][7][8][9]

Suggesting to a trans person who clearly indicates they want to start their medical transition that they should dive into detransition content on Youtube which will inevitably lead them down an endless transphobic rabbit hole thanks to the way the algorythm works on that platform is not acceptable, that's why you've been warned.

 

[dreamingofpeace]

I rly hope u can get to this point soonthings dont always go away easy but when u start transitioning it feels a lot more like growing than dying. it's not impossible, whether or not ur govt tries to make it impossible. if ur looking for resources lmn

 

[Gleysson]

Please refrain from spreading misinformation. None of the things you've said are true. Trans-affirming medical procedures and validation is what decreases depression, self-harm and suicidal behavior of trans people. [1][2][3][4]
The detransition rate is ususally consistently between one and two percent. [5][6][7][8][9]

Suggesting to a trans person who clearly indicates they want to start their medical transition that they should dive into detransition content on Youtube which will inevitably lead them down an endless transphobic rabbit hole thanks to the way the algorythm works on that platform is not acceptable, that's why you've been warned.

OH FUCK YEA. SCIENCE THEM DOWN.
I've seen so many born male trans people get assassinated just because they recognized themselves as female. My country is the absolute leader in trans female murder. We live in a hellhole. People preach peace, but only if you abide by my way of thinking. They don't even get to have a chance if they're attacked. It's quite rare for them to get the chance to get to the ER. They usually die first. All because of trains of thought like this. "It's not natural" says the white cis male that beats his wife everytime he comes home drunk. "We have to abide by our religious values" says the regular Joe, that cheats on his wife then comes to my office in urgent care desperate because he has an STD and thinks he passed it to his wife.

It's just so twisted...

Puella, follow your heart. I have some friends that transitioned Female to Male and they live amazing lives. The spark in their eyes is just something magical. One of my good friends from college is born female, lesbian and identifies as non binary. They found another (then) woman but as the relationship progressed, their girlfriend came out as trans. They both started studying and looking into helping the (now) boyfriend transitioning. Today he is their boyfriend and he has a sexy ass beard, a very refined taste for fashion and they're getting married (so I should call him their fiancée). Their life is waaaay more structured, loving and caring than many cis hetero relationship I see. They love each other very much and it shows. My friend even jokes that they never thought they would be in love with a man. But he's awesome.

My own girlfriend went through a period of dysphoria. She is overweight and her mother is one of those madams that thinks appearance is everything and a girl should be feminine and do girly stuff, but my gf just said fuck it and became a surgeon. When she was going through her dysphoria, we started looking into transitioning, got her a therapist that worked basically with cases like this and it was a huge help in guiding her. After this my gf found herself as cis, but she still retains some "masculine" traits (life is not binary, everything is a spectrum). And I love it. I love her more than life. We are partners in everything. We support each other with all our hearts.

Love is love, you will find yourself. And when you do, the dysphoria will start to weaken. Follow your heart. And know that here you have the utmost support in following what you think is right (except murder... Maybe murder, but don't push it)

I love your presence in this forum. Always positive and trying to be there for others. You have a kind heart. Be kind to yourself as well. You deserve it.

 

[puella]

Please refrain from spreading misinformation. None of the things you've said are true. Trans-affirming medical procedures and validation is what decreases depression, self-harm and suicidal behavior of trans people. [1][2][3][4]
The detransition rate is ususally consistently between one and two percent. [5][6][7][8][9]

Suggesting to a trans person who clearly indicates they want to start their medical transition that they should dive into detransition content on Youtube which will inevitably lead them down an endless transphobic rabbit hole thanks to the way the algorythm works on that platform is not acceptable, that's why you've been warned.

I wasn't sure what to say at first. Just thank you; thank you so much. I know you're just doing what's needed to make the forum a safer place. But I've still never had someone stand up for me like that before.

 

[viljalauss]

I love life. There's so much I could do. So many people I could help, goals I have, fun things to do, beautiful places to see, yummy foods to eat, new things to try, ideas to think about. I want to do that.

I wouldn't let the pain I've felt or the struggles I've gotten through take anything away from my joy. I know it could all be okay and I could be happy.

My dysphoria takes it all away. I have a constant unease with everything I experience because I have to experience it through my body. Everything is wrong. It's like, if everything in the world was constantly covered in a thick layer of some gross, sticky sludge. And if the sludge made me incredibly depressed and anxious.

I just need to beat this dysphoria. Just that one thing, and I can have all of that amazing joy. I really hope it isn't impossible.

<3333 you deserve to be happy and feel joy in its full depth.

the sludge description you give sounds very familiar, as a symptom of derealisation. this article may be interesting to you https://genderanalysis.net/2017/06/...dysphoria-widespread-and-widely-unrecognized/ - it discusses derealisation/depersonalisation as a symptom widely experienced in gender dysphoria, but hardly recognised as being related to that. the anecdotes from the page also talk about how symptoms like these were alleviated after starting hrt, often rather quickly; the ability to think and feel clearly is a experience i've commonly seen reported.

in my case, i haven't started hrt (not sure if i'll ever get to) but i've found gender affirmation (physical - binding, social - being addressed correctly, feeling relatively secure that i'm seen as i am by those accepting of me) alone has helped considerably; it's not a replacement for hormones but it makes things less unbearable and like i can move around without the horrible unease physical dysphoria brings, even if i still can't be as connected in the world as i would like to.

so yea i think hormones will definitely help with the discomfort (honestly discomfort is not an adequate word but u know) u feel from having to experience the world through ur current body; but both medical and social affirmation are important.

 

[puella]

<3333 you deserve to be happy and feel joy in its full depth.

the sludge description you give sounds very familiar, as a symptom of derealisation. this article may be interesting to you https://genderanalysis.net/2017/06/...dysphoria-widespread-and-widely-unrecognized/ - it discusses derealisation/depersonalisation as a symptom widely experienced in gender dysphoria, but hardly recognised as being related to that. the anecdotes from the page also talk about how symptoms like these were alleviated after starting hrt, often rather quickly; the ability to think and feel clearly is a experience i've commonly seen reported.

in my case, i haven't started hrt (not sure if i'll ever get to) but i've found gender affirmation (physical - binding, social - being addressed correctly, feeling relatively secure that i'm seen as i am by those accepting of me) alone has helped considerably; it's not a replacement for hormones but it makes things less unbearable and like i can move around without the horrible unease physical dysphoria brings, even if i still can't be as connected in the world as i would like to.

so yea i think hormones will definitely help with the discomfort (honestly discomfort is not an adequate word but u know) u feel from having to experience the world through ur current body; but both medical and social affirmation are important.

Thank you. I hope you get the things you need to, I'm sorry it's so hard. I'm here for you if you need anything.

I've started a few things, and I feel a little better. Everyone I know calls me my chosen name and by she, I got that name and my legal sex updated, I've been on HRT 1 year and 4 months, and I moved to a more accepting and diverse location with access to better transition resources.

 

[Freyja13]

Please refrain from spreading misinformation. None of the things you've said are true. Trans-affirming medical procedures and validation is what decreases depression, self-harm and suicidal behavior of trans people. [1][2][3][4]
The detransition rate is ususally consistently between one and two percent. [5][6][7][8][9]

Suggesting to a trans person who clearly indicates they want to start their medical transition that they should dive into detransition content on Youtube which will inevitably lead them down an endless transphobic rabbit hole thanks to the way the algorythm works on that platform is not acceptable, that's why you've been warned.

Thank you

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

puella
Sorry for answering so late.

Do not give up. You have just begun your way.
Go to California if you're not already there. I heard that there is an allowance of 1200 for transgenders. (Need to find out more details).
You are not disappointed in your kind. Contact them. They will certainly help with both support and communities that helps transgender people.




timf
Far more people regret not making the transition sooner.

The number of people who regret the transition is not that great.
But opponents of transgender people like to manipulate with this small number.

I was betrayed by transwomans. cruelly betrayed. But I never regretted about transition, HRT.

 

[Bells]

I love life. There's so much I could do. So many people I could help, goals I have, fun things to do, beautiful places to see, yummy foods to eat, new things to try, ideas to think about. I want to do that.

I wouldn't let the pain I've felt or the struggles I've gotten through take anything away from my joy. I know it could all be okay and I could be happy.

My dysphoria takes it all away. I have a constant unease with everything I experience because I have to experience it through my body. Everything is wrong. It's like, if everything in the world was constantly covered in a thick layer of some gross, sticky sludge. And if the sludge made me incredibly depressed and anxious.

I just need to beat this dysphoria. Just that one thing, and I can have all of that amazing joy. I really hope it isn't impossible.

Do you ever feel gender-euphoria? Or is it only constant dysphoria? I haven't began my medical transition (MtF) yet and I especially know what you mean by dysphoria. Though for me it doesn't feel like everything is covered with thick layer of gross sludge, it only feels like I'm the one covered with gross sludge. I'm the one wrong thing, not everything else. The reason I was asking if you ever feel gender-euphoria (even for a brief moment) is that I think those brief moments of euphoria are glimps of what is to come. An affirming feeling, even for a second that things can get better.

I sometimes get gender-euphoria when trying new cute clothes, shaving, doing my hair, putting on eyeliner and other simple things like that. Although it can sometimes be a double-edged sword since sometimes I feel like I look horrible in the clothing, or in makeup, or just horrible in general. But I still haven't given up, only because there are those brief moments of pure bliss.

I love to hear that you still enjoy life and things it has to offer. I too believe life has lots of things to offer and can be beautiful. And I'm really sorry that dysphoria is getting infront of that life. Getting infront of things you love. But still I believe that you can do this, that it can get better. You give me hope since I haven't started HRT and hearing about similar people to me being able to do something I currently can't is weirdly comforting. Now when I think about it, it might be kinda funny for me to try cheer you up when I'm in a much earlier stage of my transition.

Still I 100% believe that you can beat this dysphoria. By beating it, I don't necessarily mean that you have to always feel good about yourself or your body. But I think you can get to a point where you feel good about yourself, about your changing body, atleast for most of the time. Bodies are always changing their shape, maybe for better or worse; but It's also comforting to know that you won't always look the same.

I still feel like I don't look how I was supposed to or how I want to (It's a long journey). But in the future I can get there. I know you can get to a place where you are comfortable with the world around you, comfortable with yourself. Maybe someday you realize that you haven't felt dysphoric for a moment or that it can go away from time to time. Maybe the gross sludge will start to disappear slowly, shrinking in size. Maybe even going away fully. Or maybe the sludge will turn to something beautiful like shining glitter (glitter everywhere would probably not be too nice tho lol). The only way to find out is to keep on going. You still have time to achieve everything you want to! I believe in you fully from a girl to another.

PS. I have been lurking on the forums for sometime now and every time I see a post with your name on it I start to smile. Knowing that you are still around. I also see your messages and the impact you have on others. It's amazing! You don't even know it, but reading your messages or posts have helped me a lot. Even if they weren't directly meant for me. You just radiate energy that really helps me feel hopeful. However, this doesn't mean that you can never be negative, or express feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety and so on. I think seeing you express both ends of the emotion spectrum really shows how real, raw and empathic you are.

I really hope I don't come of as a somekind of stalker lol I was just really inspired by you! If you ever need someone to chat with or just want to talk about anything at all, feel free to hit me up. <3

 

[carac]

PS. I have been lurking on the forums for sometime now and every time I see a post with your name on it I start to smile. Knowing that you are still around. I also see your messages and the impact you have on others. It's amazing! You don't even know it, but reading your messages or posts have helped me a lot. Even if they weren't directly meant for me. You just radiate energy that really helps me feel hopeful. However, this doesn't mean that you can never be negative, or express feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety and so on. I think seeing you express both ends of the emotion spectrum really shows how real, raw and empathic you are.

I really hope I don't come of as a somekind of stalker lol I was just really inspired by you! If you ever need someone to chat with or just want to talk about anything at all, feel free to hit me up. <3

Hahaha! I've been chatting with puella a bit and this is the same thing I said to her(I saw how lovely her posts were and I hope she didn't think I was stalking her!)

Your ps paragraph was beautiful, I've also told puella how valuable she is here. You two should totally chat, you would be great support for each other

 

[puella]

Do you ever feel gender-euphoria? Or is it only constant dysphoria? I haven't began my medical transition (MtF) yet and I especially know what you mean by dysphoria. Though for me it doesn't feel like everything is covered with thick layer of gross sludge, it only feels like I'm the one covered with gross sludge. I'm the one wrong thing, not everything else. The reason I was asking if you ever feel gender-euphoria (even for a brief moment) is that I think those brief moments of euphoria are glimps of what is to come. An affirming feeling, even for a second that things can get better.

I sometimes get gender-euphoria when trying new cute clothes, shaving, doing my hair, putting on eyeliner and other simple things like that. Although it can sometimes be a double-edged sword since sometimes I feel like I look horrible in the clothing, or in makeup, or just horrible in general. But I still haven't given up, only because there are those brief moments of pure bliss.

I love to hear that you still enjoy life and things it has to offer. I too believe life has lots of things to offer and can be beautiful. And I'm really sorry that dysphoria is getting infront of that life. Getting infront of things you love. But still I believe that you can do this, that it can get better. You give me hope since I haven't started HRT and hearing about similar people to me being able to do something I currently can't is weirdly comforting. Now when I think about it, it might be kinda funny for me to try cheer you up when I'm in a much earlier stage of my transition.

Still I 100% believe that you can beat this dysphoria. By beating it, I don't necessarily mean that you have to always feel good about yourself or your body. But I think you can get to a point where you feel good about yourself, about your changing body, atleast for most of the time. Bodies are always changing their shape, maybe for better or worse; but It's also comforting to know that you won't always look the same.

I still feel like I don't look how I was supposed to or how I want to (It's a long journey). But in the future I can get there. I know you can get to a place where you are comfortable with the world around you, comfortable with yourself. Maybe someday you realize that you haven't felt dysphoric for a moment or that it can go away from time to time. Maybe the gross sludge will start to disappear slowly, shrinking in size. Maybe even going away fully. Or maybe the sludge will turn to something beautiful like shining glitter (glitter everywhere would probably not be too nice tho lol). The only way to find out is to keep on going. You still have time to achieve everything you want to! I believe in you fully from a girl to another.

PS. I have been lurking on the forums for sometime now and every time I see a post with your name on it I start to smile. Knowing that you are still around. I also see your messages and the impact you have on others. It's amazing! You don't even know it, but reading your messages or posts have helped me a lot. Even if they weren't directly meant for me. You just radiate energy that really helps me feel hopeful. However, this doesn't mean that you can never be negative, or express feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety and so on. I think seeing you express both ends of the emotion spectrum really shows how real, raw and empathic you are.

I really hope I don't come of as a somekind of stalker lol I was just really inspired by you! If you ever need someone to chat with or just want to talk about anything at all, feel free to hit me up. <3

I do feel gender euphoria occasionally. You're right: those moments act like a light at the end of this tunnel. I will do everything I can to reach it.

It sounds like we are going through a lot of similar things. I'm always here for you if you need anything. I care about you, and I would love to help you.

And thank you so much for finding my presence uplifting. I try to be positive for others; I want to comfort people. But I also struggle with my own issues. I'm so happy this forum provides me a place to be myself—the love and pain.

 

[wurr]

Hoping that you will succeed in becoming who you are eventually. I am not trans but as a male I have a repulsion to all things masculine, nevertheless I have to look and act such because it is the norm, so I very much understand you.