peacefuldeath14
Member
- Sep 14, 2020
- 20
I tried to write the highlights:
Age 22, Meditated one day. Felt a great peace. Became very interested in meditation, self-inquiry, enlightenment, self-realization, inner peace, freedom, my favorite teacher/guru was satsang with Mooji.
Age 25, One evening I take the medicine Tamiflu. The next day I feel like something is wrong with my mind. In summary, the mind stops working. I feel extreme mental pain, uncentered, mind can't think well, no mental energy, forced bedrest. It's like my mind became 'a vegetable' and I'm in a constant state of uncenteredness, discomfort, and dysfunction.
In spirituality, it is talked about how mental unrest is a sign and means for seeking inner change. I found the answer in this journey of self-realization. If I do feel unrest, life guides me into what needs to be done. Whatever has happened to this mind though, it very much seems like something inside (probably the physical body) has gone horribly wrong, and my mental state of unrest is permanent.
I'm now 27. Have done all physical tests from blood tests to brain scans.They have found nothing. I don't think psychiatric medicines are the answer for any problems of mind, but I've taken all of them. Antidepressants to Anti-psychotics. No effect. Doctors hear my story and conclude that I fit in the diagnosis of depression. I do my best to explain that I know what depression and anxiety are. That what is happening to my mind is not that, but the conversation just ends up with both sides rooted in their original opinion, or they say there is nothing they can do.
In conclusion, I love life. I know the purpose of life. If I could wave a magic wand and have my mind return to normal, I would, but I can't. I don't want to die, I really don't 'want' it. But my mind is very very poor, I'm in constant suffering, and I can't consciously fix it. I will not take joy in dying. I will feel fear and sadness, but mind is still wise enough to constantly say 'please help me to die'.
Great thanks to exit international, and the peaceful pill ehandbook. My last moments will be hard , but I am glad I will have a peaceful and reliable means to die as supposed to a horrible way. Even just having the information and this forum to talk too has given me some nice comfort.
Age 22, Meditated one day. Felt a great peace. Became very interested in meditation, self-inquiry, enlightenment, self-realization, inner peace, freedom, my favorite teacher/guru was satsang with Mooji.
Age 25, One evening I take the medicine Tamiflu. The next day I feel like something is wrong with my mind. In summary, the mind stops working. I feel extreme mental pain, uncentered, mind can't think well, no mental energy, forced bedrest. It's like my mind became 'a vegetable' and I'm in a constant state of uncenteredness, discomfort, and dysfunction.
In spirituality, it is talked about how mental unrest is a sign and means for seeking inner change. I found the answer in this journey of self-realization. If I do feel unrest, life guides me into what needs to be done. Whatever has happened to this mind though, it very much seems like something inside (probably the physical body) has gone horribly wrong, and my mental state of unrest is permanent.
I'm now 27. Have done all physical tests from blood tests to brain scans.They have found nothing. I don't think psychiatric medicines are the answer for any problems of mind, but I've taken all of them. Antidepressants to Anti-psychotics. No effect. Doctors hear my story and conclude that I fit in the diagnosis of depression. I do my best to explain that I know what depression and anxiety are. That what is happening to my mind is not that, but the conversation just ends up with both sides rooted in their original opinion, or they say there is nothing they can do.
In conclusion, I love life. I know the purpose of life. If I could wave a magic wand and have my mind return to normal, I would, but I can't. I don't want to die, I really don't 'want' it. But my mind is very very poor, I'm in constant suffering, and I can't consciously fix it. I will not take joy in dying. I will feel fear and sadness, but mind is still wise enough to constantly say 'please help me to die'.
Great thanks to exit international, and the peaceful pill ehandbook. My last moments will be hard , but I am glad I will have a peaceful and reliable means to die as supposed to a horrible way. Even just having the information and this forum to talk too has given me some nice comfort.
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