Story i looked my dad in the eyes today

[illbeinthegarage]

i looked my dad in the eyes today. i saw all the pain i have put him through. i saw that i am the cause of the sadness brewing inside him. i saw every effort he's ever made for me. i saw everything and i tried not to cry. i tried to hold back the tears the way he had held them in for so long too. ive never felt this guilty in my life for wanting to die. killing myself would crush him but staying alive and having him watch me deteriorate would crush him more. it was a kick in the gut and now ive realised how terrible i must be to be able to put him through this..

 

[Despairing]

I can relate to this.

 

[I_love_to_bake]

I feel exactly the same way. And its harder to make eye contact with my dad than anyone else.

 

[illbeinthegarage]

I feel exactly the same way. And its harder to make eye contact with my dad than anyone else.

i hadn't in years and it really hit me how much he's been holding in.

 

[InevitablePattern91]

This is the worst thing. I feel the same way. I can see the sadness in my parents eyes by having to deal with me in this situation. Last week I told my mother I really want to ctb: she cried desperataly and said if I did this, she would get depressed and prob die soon. Both ways I'll hurt them :(

 

[make_00]

relatable. the only reason I am trying to hang on

 

[Fragile]

I feel the same way but with my mother, she doesn't deserve what's going to happen. If only I was strong enough to live for them.

 

[TAW122]

Wow, that is really difficult for you and your father. I wish I had something helpful to say but I don't know of such other than I commend your stoicism and holding out for a long time. I do wish you peace in whatever you choose to do, whether it is to stay or through self-deliverance.