Sometimes when I finished a thread which was pretty long, took energy and time and I click "post thread" it feels like a pain relief. Like the valve let some air off. It feels like it was worth it. And even if only 10 people read it it sill feels good. However if it was hell of a work and only like 25 people clicked on it there is a little disappointment. But I post so many threads I can understand that not all of them can be popular. Sometimes I actually post threads where I am sure they won't receive a lot of attention but the allure to write my thoughts down about a certain topic is good enough. I was really surprised that my survey "How educated are the members of this forum?" received so much attention. Moreover it is anti-mainstream not wanting to get the most attention. It is more about principles, values and maybe beauty. There were threads of bad taste in my opinion whether one would join a concentration camp voluntary.
However with my maybe more than 1000 threads (?) (does anyone count them?) I probably had a lot of attention-seeking and bad taste threads too. It feels good when people necro old threads of mine. As long as they exist I think one part of me will be still alive even after I kill myself. When I kill myself I might/probably won't write a suicide note here. But all my threads combined are my suicide note (in my mind).
Though I think my standard of becoming alive refering to texts is very low. David Foster Wallace was unhappy with The Pale King not becoming alive and even the worst parts of it felt way more alive than my posts.
I like the notion that people can see the world through my eyes. I let them feel how it looks like in my skin and consciousness.
I wanted to add something but I can't remember.
However with my maybe more than 1000 threads (?) (does anyone count them?) I probably had a lot of attention-seeking and bad taste threads too. It feels good when people necro old threads of mine. As long as they exist I think one part of me will be still alive even after I kill myself. When I kill myself I might/probably won't write a suicide note here. But all my threads combined are my suicide note (in my mind).
Though I think my standard of becoming alive refering to texts is very low. David Foster Wallace was unhappy with The Pale King not becoming alive and even the worst parts of it felt way more alive than my posts.
I like the notion that people can see the world through my eyes. I let them feel how it looks like in my skin and consciousness.
I wanted to add something but I can't remember.
