I know it sounds crazy but....

[amy joyce]

I'm not super religious and never was, but I'm more a believer now than I used to be. Although I haven't been a member of this forum very long, those who I've been in contact know that I lost my son to suicide last August. He was an agnostic or atheist. He was also my beloved son and I miss him dearly.

Even thought the Bible says "thou shall not kill" the actual translation is "thou shall not murder". So for purposes of this posting I am relating it to my son in the sense that I trust/know that despite he his killing himself, he could still go to heaven. However many people believe that we must also be believers in life and give ourselves over to God and repent before we die in order to get to heaven.

I've always been a do "my own thing" when it came to my faith. I was very open to others and am polite when it comes to others. I don't want to argue. But in no way do I believe my son would be denied heaven. However I am haunted with thoughts that he wouldn't have allowed himself the chance to go, being that he was an agnostic (his official stance since he said that if he saw Jesus he would believe).

I don't want to make a big production of this topic . And you can call me crazy if you want, but I sort of feel that I should die so I that can help my son find and meet Jesus in the spirit, kneel before Him, give himself over to God so he would then be able to get to heaven. My son was a wonderful young man. A deeply good person who wouldn't hurt anyone. He wouldn't even lie on a job application. Not even a simple lie to get a job. He also loved animals and never raised his voice or fought with people.

So part of my reason CTB is to be with him again because he's all alone in a different state of consciousness. And also to ensure that he meets with Jesus and knows it's alright and he would be accepted by Him and allowed into heaven. See, I don't really believe in hell. I just think it's the absence of God and our other loved ones outside of heave. That some of those spirits are lost and some are with Satan in a bad place, while others are just sort of in mediation waiting and working on their afterlife.

Just wondered if anyone ever has had thoughts like these at all??? I do have other reasons for ctb which I've been working on because I know that I don't really want to die. I just want to stop suffering physically and emotionally. But regarding the former, maybe I should speak to someone who thinks they know or actually does know more. Obviously they'll want to talk me out of dying which isn't what I want it to become about. I want the focus to be my son and heaven, etc.

 

[jackiebrown67]

You seem noble, thats a compliment. It's nice to have people around you that actually care. With all this technology that has been created, its a major wonder of mine of what is life like after death. Your words paint a kind picture.

 

[wine is fine but]

i would normally not try to influence anyone when it comes to death and religion because it is not my soul on the line if i am wrong, however, this situation is different as it relates to a different scenario than if the original poster should be afraid of hell or anything like that

my own personal point of view, is that if there is a god and also a heaven, then suicide or not believing would not stop someone from getting into heaven. there are many reasons why people may not believe, and it would be terribly unfair if a good person was denied entry, when a very bad person was allowed in, simply because they believed, but only when it suited them

as for the second part, if there is a god, then he is all seeing and all knowing. i seriously doubt that on judgement day, he will be looking for references from their loved ones. to me, it seems you may be trying to make up reasons to leave, which is probably not the right reason to take your life. i did not mean this to be critical in any way, and whatever reason you may choose is the right reason for you, but my opinion is that taking your own life will not have the desired effect that you would be hoping for. i will never be able to begin to understand how you feel, and if you choose to not die (there is a big difference between choosing to live, and choosing to not die), no doubt thoughts of your own demise will ebb and flow for a while yet. i hope you can find the strength to do whatever is right for you when they do

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's an understandable hope- when we miss someone so deeply- to hope we will see them again. My Dad hopes he will see my Mum again when he passes over. (She died 43 years ago.)

I was raised to believe there is a heaven. I also had a family member who believed suicides go to some sort of purgatory level- between heaven and hell. If you've ever seen: 'What Dreams May Come'- that basically. So- I can understand your perspective.

Truthfully, I'm hoping there will be nothing after this. I'm even slightly worried that my dead parents- once they are both passed on will pull my soul into that new reality. Seeing as they've already done it once here. When- all I want to do is rest and be free of consciousness. So- there is also the issue of what the individual person wants.

I suppose ultimately though, I just feel like none of us know what happens next. So- it's a gamble- ultimately- if there is anything and, whether we will all end up in the same place.

From earlier posts, I think you mentioned having another son. I can't claim to know how devastated you must be feeling over the loss of your son and, it's understandable you would want to help him. I suppose it does feel like you would be abandoning a known reality and the son that is alive, for a hope you might reunite and assist the other son though.

Even if you feel like your living son doesn't need you, I imagine the loss of his brother and then his mother- would likely affect him badly. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh or cruel. I suppose though, it just makes more sense to me- to act on what we know is real.

I suppose personally speaking, I think it would be cruel for a God to punish suicides. But then- looking at how this world was created to begin with- I tend to worry that if there is in fact a God behind it- they may indeed be cruel. I suppose that's also why I really hope there is nothing- personally. Sorry- I'm sure other people with more faith may have more comforting things to say but, those are my concerns.