I know I‘m sick.. Asking questions

[fsociety]

Maybe this thread will be closed soon & I will be banned from this forum, I don't know..


My life was awesome till my ex girlfriend which I loved over everything destroyed my life… since then (about 8 months ago) I'm not the same person anymore and I'm mental sick… the only thing I can think of is Ctb or killing her and Ctb or killing her and Ctb and go in jail about 5-10 years.. I live in a country where homicide isn't punished like a big deal.. I could get out of jail in like 5-7 years or less.. sounds like a good deal for me to be honest… don't allow the person that ruined my life to continue..

Now all of you may be thinking, what is this crazy kind of bastard thinking, but you don't know how she ruined my life knowing she would kill me.. I was a normal guy till she ruined and sabotaged my life completely and for that I don't want her to live a normal like and keep continuing.. I need revenge..

My life is already fucked up with no possibility to get better.. I tried everything, antidepressant, therapy, etc.. nothing makes me feel good again.. the only thing that makes me feel good is when this person have no possibility to keep on living a good live..

Even if you think that I'm a psychopath, I'n really looking forward to your answers!

Have a nice day community!

 

[Jabr0ni]

I don't think you are a psychopath. I know exactly how trauma can trigger a weird switch in your brain and you should not beat yourself up for having those thoughts as long you don't act on them.

How honest you were with your therapist about it?

Give yourself a lot of credit for wanting to get better and don't let this flame be put out completely, even when you are almost conviced that nothing will help you.
I don't know if that is your first go at antidepressants, but try to give yourself some more time and try different meds as the journey through SSRIs and others is full of surprises. Sometimes the first few are not effective, but other might be, be strong and try not to give up on them.
Maybe even ask your psychiatrist to add some anti-anxiety or mood stabilisers to the mix.

I don't know what else I can tell you but I really hope you will stay on your path to getting better and at one point you will be able to focus on yourself, instead of someone who messed up recent months of your life.

 

[stupidhuman]

How did she ruin your life? Is there any other way besides killing her way you can get your revenge ?
If you feel comfortable sharing, please go ahead.
Something really really crazy must've happened. Otherwise you wouldn't feel that way right now after eight months.

 

[pole]

you seem to be going through a lot, and one thing after another will make it all feel heavier and feel suffocating.

I think along with the sadness and despair that you feel, that grief can easily turn into anger and rage. when we feel that there's no other alternative? a destructive path makes even more sense.

at the same time, your suffering and what you've been through involves you and is yours alone. it isn't fair to drag down another person with you, no matter what they did or how much they hurt you.

homicidal thoughts are one thing, but if you intend on acting out on these urges, that's a different story.

we have threads on the forum of people venting about these desires, in order to make sense of and seek help for them, and that's okay. but again, murder under no circumstance is okay, and discussions pertaining to your intent on committing murder will not be tolerated.

often times, venting about homicidal thoughts has helped members get the support that they need to address those desires. I'm hoping that stays true in your case as well.

like @Jabr0ni mentioned, how honest were you with your therapist about these homicidal thoughts?

Anti-anxiety and mood stabilizers could help, and they're worth a try, especially if you feel like you have nothing to lose. But again, it requires you being honest with a professional about these feelings.

 

[1043169]

I understand your anger and pain but it's not fair to drag someone else into your pain, no matter how much you think they deserve it. You need to look past this hurt and process your emotions in a more healthy way. If you want to CTB - fine. But don't take other people down with you.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Do you have any plans on how you would do it?

 

[rozeske]

No matter how much you feel that person ruined your life also try to remember you let them into your life consensually also remember that you don't and shouldn't have the right to decide over someone else's life except your own.

 

[dinosavr]

Keep in mind that you are more than able to get through this anger and pain without having to kill her which would probably cause you more harm than good. Knowing the source of your emotions is already a huge and time absorbing part of the healing process and you already have it settled down. After all, it will remain your choice to make but I hope you will choose another option though, honestly. Dying imo should be consensual.