I know for sure that my best love in my life is behind me

[orlandom]

I know for sure that my best love in my life is behind me. The one in which I lived as if in paradise.

All my relatives said that time will pass and you will feel better. Yes - the time has passed. It's really easier for me. I can already sleep at night. I still don't take care of myself. But I'm sure I'll start taking care of myself in a couple of months.

But.

I know for sure that my most incredible and strongest love is behind my life. And I can't get her back.

I think I could possibly fall in love in a couple of years. But I know for sure that this will no longer be the strongest love in my life.


I am so glad that life has given me 3 years of incredible feelings. Do you understand? I was ecstatic.

But.

I do not want. I am such a person.

Is it all or nothing? Do you understand?

Someone understands me?

I don't like anything in between.

I love you all. Guys.

I'm tired.

Just emotions.




Is it all or nothing

 

[ClairyFairy]

Did your true love die? I think that people find love all the time and it's not diminishing any previous love you've felt for people. You might fall in love and live for 50 years together that's the kind of love that is irreplaceable that you can't find twice but that's just my opinion

 

[orlandom]

Did your true love die? I think that people find love all the time and it's not diminishing any previous love you've felt for people. You might fall in love and live for 50 years together that's the kind of love that is irreplaceable that you can't find twice but that's just my opinion

I don't need another love. Do you understand? I am like a dog for which its owner is the best. Do you understand? It is simply impossible to experience the emotions that were there anymore.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Sorry I don't understand. I'm a firm believer in if you've done something or had something before you can do it again. We're not dogs and when our pet dies and we get another one we think we'll never love it as much as the last one but we do because we're humans and we can be full of love if we want to. I'm sorry I don't understand x

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Every time a bond is severed the following one will be weaker. You're using the same piece of duct tape over and over again, this is a good reason for only being willing to marry/date virgins without previous romantic relationships.

The bond with my mother was severed more or less every day at age one, this is why I can't attach to people (aside from women on rare occasions, to try to subconsciously get the unconditional love that I didn't experience as a toddler, also why I want to dump all of my faults and negative traits on them ASAP to get confirmation that it's unconditional).

Guess that goes hand in hand with not wanting to get super ripped and become employed in order to get a gf, since at that point it's obviously my attractiveness that attracted the woman, not unconditional love.

Oh lawd I'm going Freud-mode over here

 

[saltshaker]

The bond with my mother was severed more or less every day at age one, this is why I can't attach to people

How so?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

How so?

Left in kindergarten every day, then they even swapped the teachers around a lot so those bonds were also severed. Then when I switched schools for the first time I already had no thought of keeping up with any friends, they were never really friends somehow (tough to explain to normal people), I had lost the ability to attach to people. When graduating schools I never felt any sadness, the departures never meant anything to me, I was the only person not crying during the ceremonies haha (even skipped one lol, only person that skipped it as well). Even my best "friend" (not that the relationship was toxic, I just don't think I can obtain friendships) who was similar to me in many ways started tearing up.

 

[Lupgevif]

this is a good reason for only being willing to marry/date virgins.

Virgin doesn't necessarily mean relationshipless though.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Virgin doesn't necessarily mean relationshipless though.

Good point, I should tighten that shit up to relationshipless.

 

[saltshaker]

Left in kindergarten every day, then they even swapped the teachers around a lot so those bonds were also severed. Then when I switched schools for the first time I already had no thought of keeping up with any friends, they were never really friends somehow (tough to explain to normal people), I had lost the ability to attach to people. When graduating schools I never felt any sadness, the departures never meant anything to me, I was the only person not crying during the ceremonies haha (even skipped one lol, only person that skipped it as well). Even my best "friend" (not that the relationship was toxic, I just don't think I can obtain friendships) who was similar to me in many ways started tearing up.

I wouldn't be surprised if i had something like this going on.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I wouldn't be surprised if i had something like this going on.

How do you figure that?

 

[saltshaker]

How do you figure that?

I seem to be incapable of forming bonds too I guess. I don't fully comprehend what's wrong with me tbh. It always seemed like i was missing out on a large part of the human experience.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I don't fully comprehend what's wrong with me tbh

This is what my username is for, so that we may always remember...

 

[saltshaker]

This is what my username is for, so that we may always remember...

We are at the loosing end of a pareto distribution. The winners tend to win more over time, we are set on an almost certain path down into hell. Enjoy it while you can i guess.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Enjoy it while you can i guess.

Can't even do that due to anhedonia . Planning on drinking tonight, at least.