Venting I keep second-guessing myself too much.

[IchijouRirika]

I don't know why I'm second-guessing myself too much since, my family doesn't care about me at all and never had any respect for me, I don't have any real life friends, the online people I know are mean to me everyday for no reason yet I just keep them because it's a better company than no company and recently someone I truly loved and thought we had a future together just fucking not answers me anymore for no reason, as if trying to ditch me without even saying a goodbye message.

I truly believe as well I might die soon, everyday I feel I betrayed myself 2 years ago and this is something that eats me alive everyday, as if I dishonored anything I had left in myself. At this point I don't even know why I'm still second-guessing myself or thinking things will get better when they clearly aren't, the world is just going towards a dystopic future that I honestly don't even see point on living.

I don't know what to do at this point, I'm on one of my lowest points in life right now.

 

[AInilam]

Sometimes I second guess whether I deserve to feel this relieved knowing I'll be gone soon. I've been trying to be more sympathetic and not come off as unsensitive to others who may not relate, but knowing I'm a minority makes me feel like I should be feeling some type of way about it. When it comes to these things it feels like I can only count on myself to truly understand, comfort and quiet these thoughts. I don't know anyone who feels the same way both online or irl and I guess it leaves me feeling a bit alone, unsure.