My original plan got delayed by a week due to a pretty nasty situation with my ex housemate/partner, then I pushed it back a few days more so I could get some business in order. But the days I had after my cancelled date were actually some of the best I've had in a long time. I had time to watch my favourite movies, eat my favourite food, see my family, hang out with my friends one final time, spend all my money which I'll no longer have a need for, all while being on enough benzos, weed and alcohol to feel completely blissed out to the point I give absolutely zero fucks that I will be dying soon. I will be going in just over 24 hours time. I can't fucking wait.
I know it's not easy when the pain is so strong, and I'm admittedly an outlier that my SI is basically non existant at this point. I welcome death with open arms and cannot wait to finally be free from my body tomorrow night. I was also fortunate to be able to get time off work unquestioned, that's not something everyone can do.
It's going to be frustrating if you're going to be around people you don't want to be with, but when it's the final days of Rome, you gotta try to enjoy yourself. Wake up and get drunk at 10am. Go for a walk in your favourite park or city. See that movie you want to. You've got nothing to stop you from doing what you want, right? The only things that would delay your departure further would be if one of your relatives picks up on your suicidal nature and starts to interfere, or if you get picked up by the police and held away. If you can keep a happy face for just a few more days, then you can have the death you want, if that's what it is you want to do.
There's nothing to say that we have to suffer in our final moments when our liberation in death is in arms reach. If the pain is too much that you can't hold on long enough to the point you have the space and time to die on your own terms, I am truly sorry and cannot imagine how hard that must be for you. But if you can just hold out, put on a happy face for those who you are going to be around for just a little longer, then there is nothing stopping you from having the death the way you want it. once they are gone.
Apologies if this reeks of santimonious shit, but I hope there's at least something in there that can help you. I wish you all the best <3
