Venting i keep letting false hope in.

[meatfleshprison]

I wanted to be dead by now and yet here I am. I promised I'd never let my happiness rely on someone else ever again, and now I'm here feeling worse than ever because I know they're going to leave me soon just like everyone before. If I couldn't be dead by now I at least hoped I'd be happier but I'm not, I'm still in the same exact spot. I recently got prescribed a beta blocker for migraines and I might just follow through on my SN plan.

It feels like a sign from the universe at this point. There is not a single reason to stay but so many reasons to leave, I'm not even afraid of it anymore. I just want anything better than this.

 

[EternalShore]

Sorry to hear :( May it all end well for you~ People are only concerned with their own selves, and it really does hurt lots! :( I don't know how bad your pain is but keep in mind that there are many people just like you around here and elsewhere. And I'd certainly say that there are many more unfortunate people in the world~ Keeping that in mind, it's why this place makes at least me happier for I am not the only one leading a miserable life. :) I hope it does the same for you too~ Teehee~
hehe~ I also let false hope sneak in a lot too, but tbh, while we're stuck here, it's hard to determine whether false or no hope is better~

 

[nyee]

I used to be that way when I let my ex enter my life. I had anxiety thinking about the day they'd leave. The day they did I was completely numb, and honestly I felt a sense of relief because the day I finally find the strength to exit, I will have zero emotional attachments to anybody in my life.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that you have to go through all this. I hope you can find peace soon. I wish you all the best!

 

[FuneralCry]

It's true that in this world any hope is just a delusion to inevitably lead to more suffering once one is forced to face reality, existing certainly is something so hopeless and dreadful but I wish you the best, it's really understandable wishing to be free from all suffering.

 

[nanfranci]

im in a similar situation i feel you.

my partner has been keeping me here for years even before we started dating. but i can't keep living for them even though i do love them more then anyone. i don't think my pain will never end. if life doesn't torture me my brain does it. it's not even fair for them to keep dragging me through life when i'm continuously miserable and nothing is getting better for me.

it has always felt like the universe has been pushing me to end it but, every time i talk to them it refills me with a little hope that life will get better but even still i'm so scared its just false hope and things will keep getting worse.

 

[ANONYMOUSM]

i absolutely hate false hope it is like life is dangling hope in my face waiting until i try to grab it only to be taken from me