Venting I just want to scream

[Aplev]

Literally all my posts are about venting. But honestly, lately I can't do anything else but vent. I am holding so, so much inside.

I just got one of my molar tooths removed. Some people might say: "oh come on, I lost an arm, a leg, an organ, losing a teeth is so trivial". But you know what, it still hurts. And unlike other people, I don't have a mother. Or a father. Or brothers. Or sisters. Or anyone who bothers enough to hold me in their arms and tell me it's going to be okay. I don't have literally anyone who is remotely there to support me in my time of pain. I literally don't have any friends, and no, coworkers don't count. And one of the things that was giving me at least a little bit of pleasure in this life was eating food. But it seems now even that is going to be taken away from me. For sure, I can still eat, but with pain. I can't enjoy not even food. What else is this life going to take away from me? Why am I to see with my own eyes and senses how my body degenerates each day more? Why didn't they let me die when I attempted suicide? Why didn't they spare me this pain? Why, just why?

I just want to scream. Maybe I would if it wasn't because I physically can't (still in treatment).

I just want to scream.

 

[Blue Elephant]

Aplev I'm not going to hold you because you're probably very far away and I'm not going to tell you that everything will be ok because that would be a lie, I don't know the future and life is hard anyway but what I'm going to say is that you can go through this.

Once I met a guy with no teeth! He had not one tooth left in his mouth! He was abandoned when he was three, he ate from dumpsters and basically did whatever he could to survive but of course he lost his teeth, what a surprise. : ( But somehow he manages, he eats whatever he can, he goes around the missing teeth problem. I fucking love and respect him for how he deals with all the bullshit. It's incredible!

Anyway, like what he's doing, you can do, go around the missing teeth problem, eat light, eat soft stuff. You can consume soups or rice with milk or natural juices, I don't know, it depends on what you like really.

edit: What do you like to eat?

 

[Aplev]

Aplev I'm not going to hold you because you're probably very far away and I'm not going to tell you that everything will be ok because that would be a lie, I don't know the future and life is hard anyway but what I'm going to say is that you can go through this.

Once I met a guy with no teeth! He had not one tooth left in his mouth! He was abandoned when he was three, he ate from dumpsters and basically did whatever he could to survive but of course he lost his teeth, what a surprise. : ( But somehow he manages, he eats whatever he can, he goes around the missing teeth problem. I fucking love and respect him for how he deals with all the bullshit. It's incredible!

Anyway, like what he's doing, you can do, go around the missing teeth problem, eat light, eat soft stuff. You can consume soups or rice with milk or natural juices, I don't know, it depends on what you like really.

edit: What do you like to eat?

You clearly don't get it. It's not about my teeth. It's about having my dopamine hits so that everything else that is so $#%$# in my life doesn't hurt as much. Not everyone can endure the difficulties of life with grace, some of us just don't have it in us, we were just born that way. Others were born to overcome any difficulty, but it's not something that human beings can choose, it's a sick lottery game, you either get it or don't get it. But the dopamine hits help decrease the effect of this %$#& stuff. With every moment that passes, the sources of such dopamine decline and that makes life even more hell than it already is. That's what this post is about.

Also, even if it's not true that "you are going to be okay" I would still be so grateful to have someone tell me that. I never had any support in my life, I was always there for others but no one was never there for me, you have no idea how much that would mean to me even if it was a lie. It is the emotional accompaniment that counts.

And I like pizza and milanesa (a meal from my country, I didn't find any translation to English).

 

[Blue Elephant]

Oh! Alright, I missunderstood, I apologize.

Not everyone can endure the difficulties of life with grace, some of us just don't have it in us, we were just born that way. Others were born to overcome any difficulty

I know, I'm weak too, but.. but after all, after everything that happend to you, you are still here. And you got mad at me so there is spirit in you. It looks to me that maybe you have a little bit more in you than you think. And do you really think others would do better if they'd be in your situation? All those successful, social, family people? Ha ha ha! Those fucking idiots would crumble like decks of cards if they would go throught half of the things that you, that most of the people on this website are going through. I think that you are much stronger then you think.

Still I'm not going to give you the emotional accompaniment that you want, I'm not gong to cripple you, I try to give the the emotional accompaniment that you need. I'm still not going to say that everything will be ok, everything will never be ok, but most things might be, for you. ; )

And I like pizza and milanesa

Aaah shmuck! Such good taste! We have milanesa too, we just call it differently. But damn now I'm salivating!

Hey do you think you can make a pizza-shake? You could drink it!

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is so dreadful and awful how there is no limit as to how unbearable existing can get, existence is just too cruel so it's really understandable just wishing to be free from all the suffering that existing brings. I see it as such a terrible burden having the ability to exist in this world where chance so cruelly determines everything, it's horrible how people have to suffer so much.

 

[Aplev]

Oh! Alright, I missunderstood, I apologize.

That's ok, apology accepted, thank you.

I know, I'm weak too, but.. but after all, after everything that happend to you, you are still here. And you got mad at me so there is spirit in you. It looks to me that maybe you have a little bit more in you than you think. And do you really think others would do better if they'd be in your situation? All those successful, social, family people? Ha ha ha! Those fucking idiots would crumble like decks of cards if they would go throught half of the things that you, that most of the people on this website are going through. I think that you are much stronger then you think.

I think about it all the time. I try every day, hard, really hard, to stand and not suffer so badly. But then stuff like this happens. I really made my best to take care of all of my tooths, but it seems the infection was there since years ago (I was told by the orthodontist that's what it looked like). It's just, damn, just damn. I may be "strong", but I am still not happy or content as "strong" people seem/claim to be. Speaking of which, I don't like to say that you or me are "weak", or that there are "strong" people. I see a bit of me everywhere I go. In you, in the people that post here, in people I see in the streets, everywhere. It seems to me that the only reason I am as I am is because of circumstances, which sadly may not be changeable (I try to improve my situation every day, but as mentioned, it only proves fruitful in a couple of areas, and it's never enough to make me feel fulfilled, happy or content... I still try because I have nothing else to do though... or rather, because I just can't stop trying). But it's not like I could not be you. It's not like our souls are apart is what I mean to say. In a way, it's like we are all the same spiritual entity. Scattered throughout the world in different bodies and life circumstances. I think about it all the time.

Still I'm not going to give you the emotional accompaniment that you want, I'm not gong to cripple you, I try to give the the emotional accompaniment that you need. I'm still not going to say that everything will be ok, everything will never be ok, but most things might be, for you. ; )

Fair enough.

Aaah shmuck! Such good taste! We have milanesa too, we just call it differently. But damn now I'm salivating!

Hey do you think you can make a pizza-shake? You could drink it!

Aw, come on... but at least you made me laugh. Thank you.

 

[Blue Elephant]

@Aplev I know how it is, I know it is very very hard to keep going especially when you're alone in the world. It's like rowing against a fast current, all the time.

Unfortunately I can only give advice and if you need to chat and if I'm online then I'll chat back.

 

[Aplev]

@Aplev I know how it is, I know it is very very hard to keep going especially when you're alone in the world. It's like rowing against a fast current, all the time.

Unfortunately I can only give advice and if you need to chat and if I'm online then I'll chat back.

Sure, thanks Blue Elephant for the predisposition.