imsotired005
Member
- Dec 25, 2024
- 14
I hate that I'm still struggling with this.
I currently have a plan for life, but theres still this overwhelming battle fighting the urge to CTB and it keeps getting triggered by my inability to face anything similar to loss or abandonment.
I think the boyfriend Ive mentioned in the past is leaving tomorrow. For the first time ever he's gone essentially completely silent. We live together. Im used to him getting upset and ignoring me but not to this extent. Its taking everything not to repeat what ive done in the past which is begging him not to leave. Im too scared to even confirm thats what hes doing. But it feels like it.
Im making unsmart decisions and about to try to just drink, getting high just doesnt feel enough.
I hate that Im so self aware of my own situation without being able to get rid of the feelings in my chest. I just feel like my end is near even if Im not planning anymore. I just really feel like I want close connection but I dont want to start over. I love him.
To those who recommended the womens shelter, this apartment unfortunately is in my name not his. Does that mean I could kick him out? Yes. But the episode that ensues from that ends up putting the situation to a stop especially because as embarrassing as it is i dont want him to go...I feel like this is all my fault and Im the reason Im in pain.
I currently have a plan for life, but theres still this overwhelming battle fighting the urge to CTB and it keeps getting triggered by my inability to face anything similar to loss or abandonment.
I think the boyfriend Ive mentioned in the past is leaving tomorrow. For the first time ever he's gone essentially completely silent. We live together. Im used to him getting upset and ignoring me but not to this extent. Its taking everything not to repeat what ive done in the past which is begging him not to leave. Im too scared to even confirm thats what hes doing. But it feels like it.
Im making unsmart decisions and about to try to just drink, getting high just doesnt feel enough.
I hate that Im so self aware of my own situation without being able to get rid of the feelings in my chest. I just feel like my end is near even if Im not planning anymore. I just really feel like I want close connection but I dont want to start over. I love him.
To those who recommended the womens shelter, this apartment unfortunately is in my name not his. Does that mean I could kick him out? Yes. But the episode that ensues from that ends up putting the situation to a stop especially because as embarrassing as it is i dont want him to go...I feel like this is all my fault and Im the reason Im in pain.
