Venting I just want to die now

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

I'm done with my legal situation, done with my ruined reputation, done with my life, done with the shitty socialistic government, done with all my hatred and anger that has consumed me, done. Done done imfucking DONE FUCKING DONE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
My life is gone. Done. Destroyed. Killed. I don't know myself anymore. Neither does my family nor friends. It's over for me. It's over.

Even if in some fantasyland I got no criminal record and no punishment and no ruined reputation, I'd still kill myself as I'm over. I just don't know myself anymore and the pleasant reality I once had is gone forever. It disappeared within one week, all my fault. I crashed my own car by fucking with the steering wheel like a meat head. I built up too much anger over the years. I incriminated myself like a moron and got hard-ratted to the cops by my old loser friend who gets off talking to cops. The cops stole my laptop and phone. My laptop was my world; it had everything on it and now is gone to Nazis of the government. I ruined my own reputation and now it is destroyed. I stressed my parents to death. Talk to useless social worker fucks as demanded by the court. Have to login at a fucking bail office just to not get arrested in cuffs by Nazis again. Have to take time off work for this bull shit. I can't run away as I don't have anyone to go with and don't want to ditch my family that I have fucked over with my blatant stupidity and lack of common sense.

If I die, at least they can't take me alive — those Nazi government fuckers. Then it will go away. I'm not living anymore like I was four months ago. I'm just existing, hoping the COVID-19 coronavirus wipes out humanity.

I have never felt so much mental pain in my entire existence in the universe. It's too much for a young person like me to handle and live with. I have no power; I'm powerless. The government has every human with lots of power, while I am a pawn getting fucked dry in the anus with zero power.

I have mental issues which I tried to deny for years but now accept. Can't socialize properly very often. Fuck. Future is gone. All gone. It's all fucking gone due to such a small mistake. My mistake was like the size of an atomic bomb, but the blast and explosive impact of that atomic bomb is the scale of the disaster it caused. I was living and want to go back in time and never do what evil things I did. But it's too late. It's over.

I die this week. Partial suspension. Already practiced tons and know how to properly do it. It's over. I don't want my brain to fucking work anymore. Why does the human brain even fucking exist

 

[mesohappy]

Legal problems suck..theyll put your mind and emotions through the wringer,I know.I hate being at the mercy of the government and not knowing the outcome.How did you get in this situation,may I ask? You don't have to get into details if you don't want too.

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

Legal problems suck..theyll put your mind and emotions through the wringer,I know.I hate being at the mercy of the government and not knowing the outcome.How did you get in this situation,may I ask? You don't have to get into details if you don't want too.

I tortured and killed kittens, then incriminated myself to a friend who then ratted me to the cops (extremely stupid, I know). I never would have even thought of doing this, but the anger just consumed me and took away my logical reasoning skills and thought processes. It made me impulsive. I got the thoughts of violence, Andy needed to take it out on something not human. It's such a silly thing to get your life ruined for too. Some days when my anger is reduced, I feel very bad about what I did to the kittens. But holy fuck. It's so fucking stupid like what did I fucking do fuck fuck fuck this can't be reality man it can't be

 

[mesohappy]

I tortured and killed kittens, then incriminated myself to a friend who then ratted me to the cops (extremely stupid, I know). I never would have even thought of doing this, but the anger just consumed me and took away my logical reasoning skills and thought processes. It made me impulsive. I got the thoughts of violence, Andy needed to take it out on something not human. It's such a silly thing to get your life ruined for too. Some days when my anger is reduced, I feel very bad about what I did to the kittens. But holy fuck. It's so fucking stupid like what did I fucking do fuck fuck fuck this can't be reality man it can't be

Damn bro...That's some fucked up,twisted shit.Whats the penalty where your at for animal cruelty?How much time are you possibly facing?

And why would the cops take your laptop and phone for torturing and killing kittens?Did you record it or something?

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

Damn bro...That's some fucked up,twisted shit.Whats the penalty where your at for animal cruelty?How much time are you possibly facing?

And why would the cops take your laptop and phone for torturing and killing kittens?Did you record it or something?

They took my laptop and phone because my rat-fuck friend lied to the police, and told them I'm part of a Nazi organization, part of the KKK, and probably said some other bullshit and told them I do weird stuff online or something, when in reality I didn't and don't. Nonetheless, there is still incriminating stuff on there that is bad. They also found a bag of my tools with saws, weapons, gloves, trash bags, etc. So I'm literally redhanded fucked.

And it is very twisted and fucked indeed. I did this with a friend too, but for some reason the rat-fuck didn't rat my other friend out; he only ratted me specifically for some reason. So my other friend who did it with me walked off scot free while I'm dealing with all this bull shit. I'm likely going to jail with all the evidence and shit. Maybe a few months or six months, but it's still jail nonetheless. I was also an honour roll student, had great grades and good potential, and I threw it down the toilet and fucked over my own fucking life. I'm not actually going to jail; I'll either be dead or have ran away by then. More likely dead.

Also, all my money I've worked for and saved up will be going to the lawyer I have who I sent doing fuck all for my case, and will be going to fines and shit too obviously. I hate myself for what I did and fucking regret it and cry at night, but it's too late now. Now you can understand why I NEED to commit suicide

 

[Ham Commander]

Man I'm sorry for what you're going through, im in some pretty deep legal shit too probably looking at a couple years in prison. It's really fucked my life up too man the cops just found and towed my last car this past week, I ain't been able to stay in the same place for long and it sure as fuck is no way to live. Im sorry I don't know any way to help you out man but I know what you're going through

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

Man I'm sorry for what you're going through, im in some pretty deep legal shit too probably looking at a couple years in prison. It's really fucked my life up too man the cops just found and towed my last car this past week, I ain't been able to stay in the same place for long and it sure as fuck is no way to live. Im sorry I don't know any way to help you out man but I know what you're going through

Thanks, man. It provides some comfort knowing someone else is being fucked by the state. Are you willing to share what you're situation is?

 

[Ham Commander]

Thanks, man. It provides some comfort knowing someone else is being fucked by the state. Are you willing to share what you're situation is?

Yea, I got in trouble for running drugs and a second DUI, hired a good lawyer and I was gonna get out of it but I still lost my license and lost my job shortly after that. Now I'm in even more trouble cause I owe back child support because I lost my job and had no income and technically wasnt supposed to be driving either.

Now I'm behind like about 8 months in bills and child support and I owe taxes on my house, no license, 0/3 cars left, no job hahaha and last I talked to my lawyer told me "the law is on our side on this one but it's gonna take more money" I told him I cant, he said something like "guess that's it then" so now because I tried to fight it I'm getting nailed with the maximum EVERYTHING for wasting the courts time.

Really fuckin sucks a couple thousand dollars can mean the difference between no trouble at all and like years in prison

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I must admit it was really hard for me to read your posts. I think you need psychological counseling for your anger problem. It controls you, and causes you to commit acts of cruelty to animals. You mentioned that you also have mental issues. It would be good to get help before your anger causes you to do something like that again or worse. You might want to try before you take your own life. It's possible you can change and get better.

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

Yea, I got in trouble for running drugs and a second DUI, hired a good lawyer and I was gonna get out of it but I still lost my license and lost my job shortly after that. Now I'm in even more trouble cause I owe back child support because I lost my job and had no income and technically wasnt supposed to be driving either.

Now I'm behind like about 8 months in bills and child support and I owe taxes on my house, no license, 0/3 cars left, no job hahaha and last I talked to my lawyer told me "the law is on our side on this one but it's gonna take more money" I told him I cant, he said something like "guess that's it then" so now because I tried to fight it I'm getting nailed with the maximum EVERYTHING for wasting the courts time.

Really fuckin sucks a couple thousand dollars can mean the difference between no trouble at all and like years in prison

That really sucks, man. Just for running drugs? Who gives a fuck people run drugs all the time. And people get DUIs all the time. For fuck sake everyone in the old days drank and drive and didn't get shit for it at all. And just because you don't have enough paper or electronic balance your life gets more fucked? What kind of society are we fucking living in man. In my situation, I'm just running or killing myself because I want to revolt against the Canadian government. I hate how society works.

I must admit it was really hard for me to read your posts. I think you need psychological counseling for your anger problem. It controls you, and causes you to commit acts of cruelty to animals. You mentioned that you also have mental issues. It would be good to get help before your anger causes you to do something like that again or worse. You might want to try before you take your own life. It's possible you can change and get better.

Thanks man, but I don't want to live with a criminal record and ruined reputation. I'm definitely killing myself or running

 

[Lady Lazarus 2020]

I must admit it was really hard for me to read your posts. I think you need psychological counseling for your anger problem. It controls you, and causes you to commit acts of cruelty to animals. You mentioned that you also have mental issues. It would be good to get help before your anger causes you to do something like that again or worse. You might want to try before you take your own life. It's possible you can change and get better.

i cannot believe what I just read. this made me cry.