I just want to die and restart my life

[Helpmeplease]

I just feel so stupid for impulse cutting myself with a scissors that I thought was not sharp enough so it would not do any damage but it did(this was 1 year ago.....so now im stuck with scars). I literally feel suicidal because of my scars because I keep getting reminded of a bad time in my life. I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. Im a horrible person. I should die. I should die. I should die. I keep obsessing about my scars shit. How. I got myself into this mess.
Is this even a legit reason to feel suicidal?

 

[little froggie]

hiya.. that sounds like it must be so awful, i'm rly sorry ur going thru this. i have scars too which i was rly self conscious about. i was considering getting them tattooed over (i didn't end up doing that) i bought a whole bunch of things to help fade my scars and i used to apply them under 'sweatbands' i bought to hide them. the sweatbands had the dark side of the moon logo from pink floyd on them, a much more pleasant sight to me.
a past friend of mine once told me that he likes his scars because they're part of who he is. they remind him of what he made it through, that he got thru the worst times, that he survived. that didn't work for me, but i thought i should at least bring it up just in case cuz everyone's situations are different.

i rly hope you'll find something that works for you, and i'm here if u need to talk/vent/anything

 

[Mitokondrium]

I used to cut myself for a couple of years, pretty much butchered my left arm (scissors was my way to go too, althought I liked keys a lot too). Around 10 years passed since, and I dont mind my scars now at all. I think its not a bad thing that it reminds me of my bad past, because I managed to put myself in a much better situation since. I am still struggling with clinic depression but I left most of the horrors of my past life behind. Also I found that girls like my scars :) I know this sounds superficial, but altogether I am pretty sure one can live with the scars of imuplse cutting with relative ease, if some time has passed. Now is that a legit reason to feel suicidal? Well, as suicide itself is very subjective / difficult to explain to outsiders, I would say pretty much every reason is legit to feel this way.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Its a completely legitimate reason for feeling suicidal. When I first started to sh it was compulsive and I didn't think of the consequences.

I used to do it with kitchen knives which have left massive scars on my arms and legs. I hate looking at them but I've learnt to live with it. I always thought I'd never be able to wear short sleeve shirts again but somehow I built up the courage to do it.

I never treated my scars after doing it so they are pretty obvious. But you can use things like bio oil to help them fade and recover. If you are going to sh again make sure to treat them ASAP.

I'm also currently in the process of getting a tattoo to cover up some of my scars.

I hope you find a way to look past your scars and learn to live with them. You're not stupid at all. Sending love and hugs your way

 

[autumnal]

I just feel so stupid for impulse cutting myself with a scissors that I thought was not sharp enough so it would not do any damage but it did(this was 1 year ago.....so now im stuck with scars). I literally feel suicidal because of my scars because I keep getting reminded of a bad time in my life. I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. Im a horrible person. I should die. I should die. I should die. I keep obsessing about my scars shit. How. I got myself into this mess.
Is this even a legit reason to feel suicidal?

It's certainly understandable to feel regrets about your scars, and there is technically no such thing as a non-legit reason to feel suicidal.

However, perhaps it might help to look at them from another perspective – to see them as a reminder of a worse time but also as an acknowledgment that you aren't in those depths of depression anymore. Presumably back when you inflicted them, you were very severely depressed. But now, if I'm interpreting your post correctly, you aren't feeling that same severity of depression for whatever the reason was back then. Now it's just the scars themselves that are bothering you, because they remind you of that bad time in your life. But you're not experiencing that same bad time currently, and that is ultimately an improvement on how bad you once were.

There is somewhat of a movement in recovery circles, especially among women, to treat self-harm scars proudly as a badge of honour for what has been survived. I personally wouldn't go that far, and realise that you may never want to show them off or be completely comfortable with them. But treat them as a reminder of both how bad things once were, and of the fact that things aren't that bad anymore.

Additionally, there can be some cosmetic surgeries and things you can get to help minimise them at least somewhat. But that needs to be secondary to you becoming at peace with them emotionally.

 

[The Dark Chaos]

I'm sorry you're feelingg like this. Umm idk what exactlyy to sayy but you cann tryy to change your perspective of them. Instead of them reminding you that bad part of your life, let them remind you howw strongg it was of you to go throughh that. Let's try to take them in a postive wayy perhaps? Sorryy if this hurts you or somethingg. *hugs*

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I just feel so stupid for impulse cutting myself with a scissors that I thought was not sharp enough so it would not do any damage but it did(this was 1 year ago.....so now im stuck with scars). I literally feel suicidal because of my scars because I keep getting reminded of a bad time in my life. I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. Im a horrible person. I should die. I should die. I should die. I keep obsessing about my scars shit. How. I got myself into this mess.
Is this even a legit reason to feel suicidal?

It is. Your feelings are valid. In my case I live with a toxic family who just hurt each other and dont seem to care about how it affects me. So if I suicide I get out free.

 

[Helpmeplease]

I feel like you are the only people that even care about what I say. Thank you.

 

[Kain10th]

Samesies