I just feel so stupid for impulse cutting myself with a scissors that I thought was not sharp enough so it would not do any damage but it did(this was 1 year ago.....so now im stuck with scars). I literally feel suicidal because of my scars because I keep getting reminded of a bad time in my life. I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. Im a horrible person. I should die. I should die. I should die. I keep obsessing about my scars shit. How. I got myself into this mess.
Is this even a legit reason to feel suicidal?
It's certainly understandable to feel regrets about your scars, and there is technically no such thing as a non-legit reason to feel suicidal.
However, perhaps it might help to look at them from
another perspective – to see them as a reminder of a worse time but also as an acknowledgment that you aren't in those depths of depression anymore. Presumably back when you inflicted them, you were very
severely depressed. But now, if I'm interpreting your post correctly, you aren't feeling that same severity of depression for whatever the reason was back then. Now it's just the scars
themselves that are bothering you, because they remind you of that bad time in your life. But you're not experiencing that same bad time currently, and that is ultimately an
improvement on how bad you once were.
There is somewhat of a movement in recovery circles, especially among women, to treat self-harm scars proudly as a badge of honour for what has been survived. I personally wouldn't go that far, and realise that you may never want to show them off or be completely comfortable with them. But treat them as a reminder of both how bad things once were, and of the fact that things aren't that bad anymore.
Additionally, there can be some cosmetic surgeries and things you can get to help minimise them at least somewhat. But that needs to be
secondary to you becoming at peace with them emotionally.