Venting i just want to be understood

[iori011x3]

i feel like no matter how much i open myself up and show my vulnerable to the people i care about, they don't understand me whatsoever. it's always "just don't think like that at night" "go to a therapist" or "visit the hospital"

i just wish someone could listen to me but not sound like theyre trying to save me. i just want someone genuine who will listen to me with no judgements, just pure attentiveness irl. i just want someone to understand me. everything i feel will so easily go away once someone close to me can sit down and actually try to understand me. i don't care if my views are wrong or right, i just want to be heard so fucking bad it hurts. i feel so alone because no one can actually empathetically feel me irl. that's why i gravitate so much towards this site. i feel so comforted when i'm on, but it's not a permanent solution. i want to die so bad but only because it hurts so much for me. i want to be able to look towards a future that doesn't involve anymore self harm or regular crying sessions each night.

i feel like im so selfish for wanting some to be there for me.

 

[exiled]

Hey there. Before anything, I want to protest your feeling of selfishness. It is completely okay to desire an unconditional shoulder to lean on; it is a very basic human need. In fact, you deserve that, and I am so sorry that it has not been given to you in this life so far. I know you've emphasized the need for this kind of support irl, but I want to offer up an online friendship or connection with you if it could even just help momentarily. I understand the emptiness that comes from just not being seen, or known. Feeling like someone is just sitting in the trenches beside you, feeling your pain alongside you, and listening without a single pass of judgment is something so incomparable to anything else. It makes perfect sense that you would want to talk to someone without being told what to do, or being fed someone else's opinion.

Though I am not perfect, I strive to be the friend that you describe to be looking for. I would love to be someone that hears you, sees you, knows you, and just sits with you despite the overwhelming pain. I want for you what you want for you. I desire a future that does not involve self harm or regular crying for yourself, too. Responses you have gotten from others seem very unhelpful (i.e. "just don't think like that") but I am glad you have us here. I know it isn't much, but hopefully at least while you're trying to expand your irl support, I can be a fill in.

 

[iori011x3]

Hey there. Before anything, I want to protest your feeling of selfishness. It is completely okay to desire an unconditional shoulder to lean on; it is a very basic human need. In fact, you deserve that, and I am so sorry that it has not been given to you in this life so far. I know you've emphasized the need for this kind of support irl, but I want to offer up an online friendship or connection with you if it could even just help momentarily. I understand the emptiness that comes from just not being seen, or known. Feeling like someone is just sitting in the trenches beside you, feeling your pain alongside you, and listening without a single pass of judgment is something so incomparable to anything else. It makes perfect sense that you would want to talk to someone without being told what to do, or being fed someone else's opinion.

Though I am not perfect, I strive to be the friend that you describe to be looking for. I would love to be someone that hears you, sees you, knows you, and just sits with you despite the overwhelming pain. I want for you what you want for you. I desire a future that does not involve self harm or regular crying for yourself, too. Responses you have gotten from others seem very unhelpful (i.e. "just don't think like that") but I am glad you have us here. I know it isn't much, but hopefully at least while you're trying to expand your irl support, I can be a fill in.

thank you... i'm at a party rn and i had to run to the washroom before i started sobbing my eyes out. i really appreciate your words. they resonated with me a lot.

i'm really happy that you're willing to provide me with an online friendship but i'm really hesitant. they didn't really work out with me in the past and i'm kinda scared to try again. also i feel like i'm just trauma-dumping to someone online which i don't really want to do since i dont want the other person to grow tired. i know how emotionally draining it could possibly get sometimes... i just don't really want to hurt anyone else haha

 

[exiled]

thank you... i'm at a party rn and i had to run to the washroom before i started sobbing my eyes out. i really appreciate your words. they resonated with me a lot.

i'm really happy that you're willing to provide me with an online friendship but i'm really hesitant. they didn't really work out with me in the past and i'm kinda scared to try again. also i feel like i'm just trauma-dumping to someone online which i don't really want to do since i dont want the other person to grow tired. i know how emotionally draining it could possibly get sometimes... i just don't really want to hurt anyone else haha

Hey, it's okay. I hope you can take a step back and breathe for a second. You're worth it - every single bit of it. And you deserve to be heard.

And I am hearing that you are hesitant of an internet friendship. It makes sense based on what you described. It also sounds like you aren't allowing yourself what you deserve: a person you can trauma dump on! Society has gotten WAAAAY to soft and loose with the term "boundary." Honoring your limits and capacity is one thing, but people walk away too quickly because they are scared to get a little mud on them from sitting in the trenches with someone else. But we all need that.

I won't force myself upon you but I'm here. I can share my discord tag if you'd like, and I'm more than happy to be a friend.

 

[iori011x3]

Hey, it's okay. I hope you can take a step back and breathe for a second. You're worth it - every single bit of it. And you deserve to be heard.

And I am hearing that you are hesitant of an internet friendship. It makes sense based on what you described. It also sounds like you aren't allowing yourself what you deserve: a person you can trauma dump on! Society has gotten WAAAAY to soft and loose with the term "boundary." Honoring your limits and capacity is one thing, but people walk away too quickly because they are scared to get a little mud on them from sitting in the trenches with someone else. But we all need that.

I won't force myself upon you but I'm here. I can share my discord tag if you'd like, and I'm more than happy to be a friend.

thank you... my discord has a lot of my personal & irl information on it but it'd be nice if you kept your dms open in case i want to talk. if thats ok with u

 

[exiled]

@iori011x3 Absolutely. Anytime.