How do you feel about ghosting? How questionable is it to ghost someone are there valid reasons that justify that behavior?
I thought this might could be a funny thread. I did some research and some people in this forum have made painful experiences with ghosting. I was not that well prepared for that. Always when people ghosted me I did not give a fuck. I could not name anyone who meant a lot to me. Usually I am on...
sanctioned-suicide.net
Here is another summary of my relation to ghosting people.
I think many people will judge me for it. But these relationships are extremely toxic for my mental health. Still I will use some irony and exaggerations because I am under no illusion that these people actually like me.
So I had this crush on an extremely attractive woman, It was not even a real crush I just cannot resist her attractiveness when talking with her and always hope she might be interested in me which is not the fact. Yada yada yada I am kind of in the same friend group like her right now. I am not exactly sure how that actually happened. My approach was to be friends with her so I started to talk with her and her friends. I was extremely much in her friendzone already. I acted extremely weird and needy the second time we met. And then it was over. The story would have been so much better if I put an end to this at that point.
I tried to ghost her before christmas holidays. I already did it for like a month. No contact, no messages, not anything. She realized that after the holidays. And she looked at me pretty shocked and sad when she realized it. Here is also a point. I just cannot be friends with her. It is extremely toxic for my mental health. I am close to a breakdown once again. I wanted to ghost her before the exam season started and now I am close to my exam and this shit triggers the shit out of me. She will be fine with it eventually. The more I postpone this process the more damage (pain?) I will do to her. (good sentence for all the people that judge me when reading this thread)
So I tried to help her at college with summaries. And to make it look less weird I also gave them to her friends. This is how I became friends with her friends.
I actually like two of them somewhat. But the connection to her makes future contact to them almost impossible. They only like me for one reason: I help them at college (tremdendously). They are almost as every student I met extremely lazy. (good old Germany). We never talk about private stuff. They don't know me at all. And I don't know them actually. You cannot tell me they actually like me. If I was real and talked with them about my daily severe persisting suicidality, the self-loathing, crippling anxiety, paranoia, traumata and child abuse...they would be gone pretty pretty quickly. Probably immediately. I have two somewhat close college friends and they don't kow shit about my suicidality. One of them acts like he ghosted me currently. But I am 99% sure he is not ghosting me. He is just weird and way too altruistic trying to save the world all the time too busy to respond.
I have 3 extremely close friends who know everything of me. And acccept me. I have 4 more friends who I am not that close with. (probably for average people also very close friends). College friends though are often so superifical. I am in A LOT of pain. I have to vent every single day, I feel pathetic. I need to show vulnerability. (like I am only studying part time which is embarrassing. I sort of put more time into it than many full-time students. But my OCD and pathologies are so extremely strong. I could never study full-time without collapsing.)
I am very careful who to choose for friends. I have high expectations. And depending on their character and past experiences with them I determine how much of the truth are they able to handle. Whether I feel comfortable to be vulnerable in front of them is a key component. The suicidality bomb can have a pretty big impact. But it is such a huge part of my life and it feels kind of wrong to hide it in front of some people like forever. But this is what I actually do with most people I know.
I just need a gf. I don't need more friends. And from my experiences only very few people are that genuine good in order to accept me as the wreck I am. I don't let my guard down easily because I know how much that can hurt. I probably sound like an asshole in this thread. It is just so unlikely that these people would actually understand me. They exploit me. If I did not help them so much in college they would never show interest in me. And you can't tell me otherwise. They are friendly and good people but the pain I am in needs a lot of sensitivity, time, compassion and nowadays (I assume this also was in the past) the people don't seem to have it anymore. Actually from a chronological perspective like two decades ago (pre-social media era) I cannot make a statement about that time period but at school friendships were way more genuine, real, way deeper. I am not sure why. Maybe as adults we don't allow ourselves to be that open and honest anymore. We have less freetime and we are so busy with our duties. Many of my friends say they feel lonely at college. I am pretty good at socializing in college because I work my fucking ass off and help people in exchange for that. But you should not confuse this with sympathy for your character or personality. I am extremely horrible at finding a gf because I turn paranoid. Moreover I am a loser with no experience and women notice something like that. I am socially awkward and weird. But if I share my summaries and other stuff I am suddenly the favorite person of them (for a short period of time). At least she is not pretending to like me in order to exploit me. This would be horrendous.
I am so sick of it. We had a long talk today in this friend group and it extremely fuled my mental decline. I soon have exams and it simply was not good at all.
I will keep two friends at college though. And ghosting does not mean to ignore them fully. Just spending less time with them, thinking less about them. I am also bad at maintaining friendships sometimes (at least at college). Because the college friendships are so fucking shallowl that I struggle to believe that anyone actually likes the superficial small talk we call "friendship" there.
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