Venting I just read the word selfharm

[Lost.]

Selfharm? I miss it. Before my the last worsening of toxic brain injury it worked but not to much. It was one of things which gave me motivation to life, it was one of thing which kept me alive. But sadly my toxic brain injury went worse. I have been worse than ever. I feel demential and selfharm cant help me anymore. I am so done.
Before the last worsening i had envied people with a healthy brain. No i have no feel they have better lives than me, i cant envy, i cant feel i have ever had a better life (but i had!). My disconection/emotinal numbess is horrible! I even cant regret for what I lost. I have no feel i lost anything, and no feel for what i had had. But i lost a lot, i lost my life, i had had a beautifull life before. I cant feel that beauty anymore - it has been since the last worsening - I cant loging for that beauty, i cant regret for lost of that beauty, i don't feel that beauty existed at all, but it existed for a sure. This is a worst thing ever happened to me. I am done. I whis i am dead.

I WISH I AM DEAD. I WISH I AM DEAD. I WISH I AM DEAD.


I just remeber before the last worsening i just had started to learn German although i was so fucked up but i had had more emotions than now and the most important thing i was conencted with my life, whit my past and present.

If i die it is not i wanted to die, it is i couldn't take this state anymore

 

[thouisdead]

I'm sorry for what you've passed through and are still passing and I really wish you to get better even if it just happens by ctb. ❤

 

[LastRide]

Your words make me cringe....your pain must must be absolutely horrible ! I can understand you want out of this life...may you find a way to end your suffering !

 

[Lost.]

Update this still works for me somehow. Despite that i have need to cbt.