I just need to vent...im alone...

[GemCami]

Im so tired....my only available form of escape, my phone, is dying. It will only charge when its on the wireless dock, so i can only use it for about an hour or two then it has to charge for 3-5 hours, in which i have absolutely nothing im able or capable of doing. No books, no tv that worsens my depression, nothing. I slept early last night because once my phone died i had nothing to do. I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain, abdominal and back pain, possibly an ulcer or kidney stones.... i sat around all night in pain waiting for my housemate to wake up so i could ask for a painkiller.
I took 2 T4s and dozed off into a 9 hour codiene rest finally, and i woke up just...exhausted. Im too tired to keep up with my personal hygeine, im covered in a thick layer of sharp, prickly hair that grows and spreads too fast to manage, so i always feel dysphoric and disgusting....i havnt been able to do laundry in months, i havnt showered in a week or more, just the thought of trying to get dressed and look pretty is completely dreadful.... I dont know what im doing here anymore. I just wanna fall asleep and not wake up. I dont wanna have to hurt myself. Its not fair. I hate this. Idk what to do anymore. I feel so weak.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Hi hun, Im so sorry your in such agony and despair... all humans should be happy and free but we as a species are not there yet.... I know your terribly sad and i can sense the hopelessness.... the anguish... the sense of unfairness of life.... your not alone in tour internal travail.... so many of us just dont fit into this world, this life.... and its okay to want to go. Im not sure what your going to do, but I hope you can fiind something, anything to cope, to lessen the pain... to ease the suffering.... glad you posted hete.. feel free to pm me if u want to chat....

Huggz

 

[GemCami]

Hi hun, Im so sorry your in such agony and despair... all humans should be happy and free but we as a species are not there yet.... I know your terribly sad and i can sense the hopelessness.... the anguish... the sense of unfairness of life.... your not alone in tour internal travail.... so many of us just dont fit into this world, this life.... and its okay to want to go. Im not sure what your going to do, but I hope you can fiind something, anything to cope, to lessen the pain... to ease the suffering.... glad you posted hete.. feel free to pm me if u want to chat....

Huggz

Thank You. I apprecciate your time and care :)

 

[Sweet emotion]

Hey there. I know exactly what you mean. I have something called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. So it actually hurts to shower and do all those things. I've lost my entire life to it. I got it at age 20 and I'm 34 now. I totally understand when the thought of getting in that shower nakes you want to cry. Where you get so depressed you don't brush your teeth for five days. I don't understand why life has to be this difficult. This is what we were born for? I don't want to have to hurt myself either but I can't continhe existing in the worst pain in the world and being in isolation. Would you be willing to try therapy? I had therapy for a particular problem when I was 15-17 and it worked beautifully. If you're. It into it I understand. I just don't want you to do anything that you're not 100% sure about.

 

[GemCami]

Hey there. I know exactly what you mean. I have something called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. So it actually hurts to shower and do all those things. I've lost my entire life to it. I got it at age 20 and I'm 34 now. I totally understand when the thought of getting in that shower nakes you want to cry. Where you get so depressed you don't brush your teeth for five days. I don't understand why life has to be this difficult. This is what we were born for? I don't want to have to hurt myself either but I can't continhe existing in the worst pain in the world and being in isolation. Would you be willing to try therapy? I had therapy for a particular problem when I was 15-17 and it worked beautifully. If you're. It into it I understand. I just don't want you to do anything that you're not 100% sure about.

Therapy doesnt help when people dont understand what your going through and cant do anything to help

 

[Blackjack]

Im so tired....my only available form of escape, my phone, is dying. It will only charge when its on the wireless dock, so i can only use it for about an hour or two then it has to charge for 3-5 hours, in which i have absolutely nothing im able or capable of doing. No books, no tv that worsens my depression, nothing. I slept early last night because once my phone died i had nothing to do. I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain, abdominal and back pain, possibly an ulcer or kidney stones.... i sat around all night in pain waiting for my housemate to wake up so i could ask for a painkiller.
I took 2 T4s and dozed off into a 9 hour codiene rest finally, and i woke up just...exhausted. Im too tired to keep up with my personal hygeine, im covered in a thick layer of sharp, prickly hair that grows and spreads too fast to manage, so i always feel dysphoric and disgusting....i havnt been able to do laundry in months, i havnt showered in a week or more, just the thought of trying to get dressed and look pretty is completely dreadful.... I dont know what im doing here anymore. I just wanna fall asleep and not wake up. I dont wanna have to hurt myself. Its not fair. I hate this. Idk what to do anymore. I feel so weak.

I lay here in hopeless despair 24/7 too, I'm here if you ever want to chat. You're not alone.

Therapy doesnt help when people dont understand what your going through and cant do anything to help

It's interesting to me when people come on here and suggest therapy. Like we haven't exhausted every conceivable opportunity before coming here as a last resort in utter pain & despair? If therapy worked, there would be no SS.

 

[GreyMonkey]

Most therapists are useless.

Finding one who truly knows how to treat trauma is super rare. Talk therapy is not enough.

However with a good therapist and a long enough period of time and at least some form of support community, it's possible.

Finding all of these things and affording them is beyond most of us though.

 

[GemCami]

Most therapists are useless.

Finding one who truly knows how to treat trauma is super rare. Talk therapy is not enough.

However with a good therapist and a long enough period of time and at least some form of support community, it's possible.

Finding all of these things and affording them is beyond most of us though.

I can barely afford to eat and have the most basic things i need...

 

[GreyMonkey]

I can barely afford to eat and have the most basic things i need...

Yep I totally hear you.

And it frustrates me that we have an anti-suicide society yet we do not truly extend what is actually needed to have people turn their lives around enough to not want to die.