Venting I just need to share my thoughts

[Imhopeless]

I'm currently in high school and I dont know what I'm doing here. From where I come from are different types of high schools and I choose the one that basically sets my life. I choose terrible path, humanistics. I hate literature and history, I dont care about politics but my life is now based around it. It's so tiring. I'm not doing good in school, my grades are barely passable and I feel disgusted with myself because I know if I wanted to I could study, instead I'm making worthless posts online, its pathetic. My birthday is on the new year, I decided I'm going to end my life then. I dont see my future in any way, I can't see myself get a stable job I'd like or engage in any romantic relationships that could make me want to pursue this life. I just dont see myself make it anywhere near 30s. I don't really have a plan, hell i dont even have a valid reason to die, I just want to since the thought alone about real adult life is making me tired. I dont have dreams, hobbies or any real interest. I'm not good at making friends or talking, or studying so it's hard to tell if I were to be anyone anyway. Of course I want to be somebody but seeing how it looks now, I'm truly a pathetic human being.

I'm tired of my family telling me I was stupid for going to such prestigious school since now I can barely make ends meet, I hate how they tell me I fucked up and will have to take few more years of studying to find a job, as if I didn't know that. That's why I want to end it before I'll have to go trough it. Some may say its selfish, that some people are really struggling and my problem is that "I dont want to study" and honestly I agree. I dont have real problems, I'm just a really mild person who will lead their life as the most common and uninteresting of people but I dont want that. I'd rather die and hope I'll get better luck next time than go along with this pitiful life full of anxiety and stress. Or maybe I just want to die, I find it exciting, the feeling of your life slowly slipping away from you as you lie there having no way of turning it back. The fear as all you see is white light, signaling you messed up and there's nothing you can do but accept it and pray that you were right and God isn't real as he definitely wouldn't forgive you. It seems like its really comforting

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Please don't take high school too seriously. It will have little to no impact on your future life. Even college these days is pretty much fucking useless. Take as many courses on AI, 3D-printing and robotics at you possibly can. Many free ones offered by Google. Job that requires these skills will be the only ones left in a decade or so.