I just got told I can't keep saying I feel suicidal and that I can't wait to be gone

[jodes2]

So I said "so I should hide my feelings" and they said no. Oh really? So which is it, do I hide my feelings or not? I already keep a lot to myself because I know it stresses people out. Would they rather just be surprised when I kill myself?

So I'm back here to vent, I'm afraid. Thank you for always being here for me, people of SS. No-one else understands or tolerates me.

I can't wait to be gone. In this climate, I'll be CTBing as soon as the next opportunity arises, which will be in about 2 months. I can't tell anyone else this, they don't want to hear it. I think they're in denial. They think I can still be helped, they say they haven't given up on me which makes me angry because I'm fed up of trying with no results. 25 years of psychiatrists. Surely they should accept my longing to die.

 

[Julgran]

So I said "so I should hide my feelings" and they said no. Oh really? So which is it, do I hide my feelings or not? I already keep a lot to myself because I know it stresses people out. Would they rather just be surprised when I kill myself?

So I'm back here to vent, I'm afraid. Thank you for always being here for me, people of SS. No-one else understands or tolerates me.

I can't wait to be gone. In this climate, I'll be CTBing as soon as the next opportunity arises, which will be in about 2 months. I can't tell anyone else this, they don't want to hear it. I think they're in denial. They think I can still be helped, they say they haven't given up on me which makes me angry because I'm fed up of trying with no results. 25 years of psychiatrists. Surely they should accept my longing to die.

You seem to have gotten into an argument about your suicidality.

You could have retorted with "Then give me something to live for, or at least help me with my problems!"

 

[jodes2]

You seem to have gotten into an argument about your suicidality.

You could have retorted with "Then give me something to live for, or at least help me with my problems!"

Thanks, it's a good suggestion except that I get no joy out of everything, and just want to be gone; I don't think anyone can help me, and I'm tired of the charade of going through things that are supposed to help but never do

 

[Julgran]

Thanks, it's a good suggestion except that I get no joy out of everything, and just want to be gone; I don't think anyone can help me, and I'm tired of the charade of going through things that are supposed to help but never do

I see what you mean. Ending your life is always an option, and I wish you luck in however you decide to proceed.

 

[jodes2]

I see what you mean. Ending your life is always an option, and I wish you luck in however you decide to proceed.

Thank you!

 

[Huntfish34]

Damn,. Sounds like an awkward and fucked off situation to say the least. Idk how I'd respond if I were ever told that.. People will Think they know what they know... But until they have actually walked in our shoes they will Never know.

Hope things can get better for you in some Form or fashion if possible -. Thoughts and prayers always.

 

[jodes2]

Damn,. Sounds like an awkward and fucked off situation to say the least. Idk how I'd respond if I were ever told that.. People will Think they know what they know... But until they have actually walked in our shoes they will Never know.

Hope things can get better for you in some Form or fashion if possible -. Thoughts and prayers always.

Thank you to you too!

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound frustrating dealing with people like that. I would always see it as best to not tell others about being suicidal personally. Others can just make things worse and invalidate what we go through. They can never really understand as after all they cannot experience life the same way. Many people will never accept someone's decision to die no matter the circumstances, they live under a delusion that life is always worth living.
I wish you the best.

 

[jodes2]

It does sound frustrating dealing with people like that. I would always see it as best to not tell others about being suicidal personally. Others can just make things worse and invalidate what we go through. They can never really understand as after all they cannot experience life the same way. Many people will never accept someone's decision to die no matter the circumstances, they live under a delusion that life is always worth living.
I wish you the best.

Thank you @FuneralCry your reply means a lot to me

 

[Everlong]

I agree with FuneralCry. Don't share if this is what you really want. They don't know what they don't know. The thought is inconceivable to them. By default, they can never know the humiliation and futility of psychiatric "help".
Even the most vague mention of "getting my shit in order" or "I don't need these" regarding something you're known to cherish sets off alarm bells. They're instantly at wits end and think it's in everyone's best interests to call "a professional".

 

[Hollowillow]

So I said "so I should hide my feelings" and they said no. Oh really? So which is it, do I hide my feelings or not? I already keep a lot to myself because I know it stresses people out. Would they rather just be surprised when I kill myself?

So I'm back here to vent, I'm afraid. Thank you for always being here for me, people of SS. No-one else understands or tolerates me.

I can't wait to be gone. In this climate, I'll be CTBing as soon as the next opportunity arises, which will be in about 2 months. I can't tell anyone else this, they don't want to hear it. I think they're in denial. They think I can still be helped, they say they haven't given up on me which makes me angry because I'm fed up of trying with no results. 25 years of psychiatrists. Surely they should accept my longing to die.

People demanding positivity instead to give it to me gave me crippling social phobia. I can't get out. I understand that it pushed you over the edge. I'll miss you *hugs* you can talk to us.

 

[jodes2]

People demanding positivity instead to give it to me gave me crippling social phobia. I can't get out. I understand that it pushed you over the edge. I'll miss you *hugs* you can talk to us.

Thank you!

 

[Hollowillow]

Thank you!

I'll never thought I'd miss a coffee cup, I hate coffee, but I like you. People who can't tolerate you have poor taste.

 

[nosurpries]

pro lifers have nothing to offer but non empathetic catch phrases that can only be described to me as "tag lines". they offer no real support and no room for real humanistic connection. im sorry you had to hear this. i completely relate to the feeling that no one understands other than people here on ss, i feel the same way. i feel like ghost talking to people irl. i hope you find peace truly, i hope you may heal here or somewhere else

 

[makethepainstop]

Yes, dude you are so right! I just love some medical person with three PHD's, wants to tell me they understand. My response is but you don't know how I FEEL! As this is my first post let me thank the site for allowing me here. And most especially tell each of my new dear friends, I love you. Already got my sn!

 

[jodes2]

Yes, dude you are so right! I just love some medical person with three PHD's, wants to tell me they understand. My response is but you don't know how I FEEL! As this is my first post let me thank the site for allowing me here. And most especially tell each of my new dear friends, I love you. Already got my sn!

Welcome! Sorry you're here

 

[AnonymousS]

So I said "so I should hide my feelings" and they said no. Oh really? So which is it, do I hide my feelings or not? I already keep a lot to myself because I know it stresses people out. Would they rather just be surprised when I kill myself?

So I'm back here to vent, I'm afraid. Thank you for always being here for me, people of SS. No-one else understands or tolerates me.

I can't wait to be gone. In this climate, I'll be CTBing as soon as the next opportunity arises, which will be in about 2 months. I can't tell anyone else this, they don't want to hear it. I think they're in denial. They think I can still be helped, they say they haven't given up on me which makes me angry because I'm fed up of trying with no results. 25 years of psychiatrists. Surely they should accept my longing to die.

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you felt this way. I personally hate the existence of every day. It's not that i expect a wonderful life, but i haven't really lived in years. I feel like a passenger in life, a walking ghost. I hope you can at least get some understanding on here, i get if people really love you that they do not want you to go, but they should at least try and see and empathise with your pain.

 

[jodes2]

On and off for 20 years. Thank you for your sentiments

 

[AnonymousS]

On and off for 20 years. Thank you for your sentiments

You're welcome, i wish i had a magic wand for all of us who are suffering.

 

[brokensea]

People get tired of someone talking about suicide. It brings them down. No matter how patient someone is they will get sick of it. Then you'll feel isolated and alone even more. People will think you're manipulative or even abusive for talking about ending your life over and over.

No one gets it but the people here. I just try to keep it to myself as it's always gone badly every time I've shared my feelings with anyone even therapists.

We should have help and we should have support. No one is trained to help or understands it and not random friends and family. So it's just a very isolating experience. I feel for you.

 

[jodes2]

People get tired of someone talking about suicide. It brings them down. No matter how patient someone is they will get sick of it. Then you'll feel isolated and alone even more. People will think you're manipulative or even abusive for talking about ending your life over and over.

No one gets it but the people here. I just try to keep it to myself as it's always gone badly every time I've shared my feelings with anyone even therapists.

We should have help and we should have support. No one is trained to help or understands it and not random friends and family. So it's just a very isolating experience. I feel for you.

Thank you

 

[tiny_dancer]

People get tired of someone talking about suicide. It brings them down. No matter how patient someone is they will get sick of it. Then you'll feel isolated and alone even more. People will think you're manipulative or even abusive for talking about ending your life over and over.

No one gets it but the people here. I just try to keep it to myself as it's always gone badly every time I've shared my feelings with anyone even therapists.

We should have help and we should have support. No one is trained to help or understands it and not random friends and family. So it's just a very isolating experience. I feel for you.

This is all so true. When you're in this headspace it seems like talking about it to others is normal, but aside from here, it's not ok. My husband tells me I'm trying to manipulate him if I ever mention how I feel, but really I'm just trying to be understood. It is so isolating.

OP, I'm sorry this is your experience. You are right- would they rather just be surprised instead??

 

[brokensea]

This is all so true. When you're in this headspace it seems like talking about it to others is normal, but aside from here, it's not ok. My husband tells me I'm trying to manipulate him if I ever mention how I feel, but really I'm just trying to be understood. It is so isolating.

OP, I'm sorry this is your experience. You are right- would they rather just be surprised instead??

Yes, I had someone rage at me they were sick of hearing about me being suicidal and they couldn't take it anymore. The only person I told about it. They also said I was manipulative and being abusive because of how I feel. People wonder why we don't "reach out" and get support. Fine by me I'll keep it all to myself until I can't take it anymore and die. Then you can whine how guilty you feel and how you didn't know and throw yourself a pity party.

 

[hamvil]

I never got precisely in this situation. I have mentioned suicide to two people, but they either did not tale the subject seriously or they reacted badly. I did non manage to repeat the conversation many times. Now I have nobody to talk to and with my wife the discussion would be pointless. We tried but she does not get how I feel or my sense of loss.

She knows I am not taking my antidepressants and she insist that when I was taking them I was better. Maybe it is true but I did not like how they made me feel and I do not see the point of living like that forever with all the side effects they have.

From my wife the best I get is that I should think about people that are terminal. Is she right? Am I delusional to consider myself in a similar category? I think also depression can put in a situation where living is unbearable.

Anyway, no matter what @jodes2 you will find here people with which you can talk about these ideas and I think people will understand you.

 

[jodes2]

I never got precisely in this situation. I have mentioned suicide to two people, but they either did not tale the subject seriously or they reacted badly. I did non manage to repeat the conversation many times. Now I have nobody to talk to and with my wife the discussion would be pointless. We tried but she does not get how I feel or my sense of loss.

She knows I am not taking my antidepressants and she insist that when I was taking them I was better. Maybe it is true but I did not like how they made me feel and I do not see the point of living like that forever with all the side effects they have.

From my wife the best I get is that I should think about people that are terminal. Is she right? Am I delusional to consider myself in a similar category? I think also depression can put in a situation where living is unbearable.

Anyway, no matter what @jodes2 you will find here people with which you can talk about these ideas and I think people will understand you.

Thank you. It's not fair of her to talk about people who are terminal and make comparisons like that, were all suffering

 

[Parnate]

I never got precisely in this situation. I have mentioned suicide to two people, but they either did not tale the subject seriously or they reacted badly. I did non manage to repeat the conversation many times. Now I have nobody to talk to and with my wife the discussion would be pointless. We tried but she does not get how I feel or my sense of loss.

She knows I am not taking my antidepressants and she insist that when I was taking them I was better. Maybe it is true but I did not like how they made me feel and I do not see the point of living like that forever with all the side effects they have.

From my wife the best I get is that I should think about people that are terminal. Is she right? Am I delusional to consider myself in a similar category? I think also depression can put in a situation where living is unbearable.

Anyway, no matter what @jodes2 you will find here people with which you can talk about these ideas and I think people will understand you.

Antidepressant side effects subside with time. Also if possible try Mao inhibitors the best of Antidepressant.