Venting I just don't know how to be normal

[an_99]

I've never felt good in my life and always just wanted to stop existing - I remember feeling this way at as young as 5. I've never fit in anywhere, I don't have friends, I don't get along with my family, I know they love me but I just don't even want to be around them. I've always been very passive and usually just do nothing with my free time. I used to have some hope that things would get better for me eventually, I would find someone who would love me and all the bad things would be forgotten. I'm now 25 and I've never come close to any semblance of happiness. I hate how jealous I feel of people who are happy, people who are doing what you're supposed to do, people who are able to maintain relationships and friendships. I just feel like I am done now. I don't want to do it anymore. Everything hurts.

I am able to function "normally", I just finished my masters degree and am about to start a new job. I've always felt passively suicidal - I'd give my life for just about anyone; like I do not care if I die tomorrow. However, the thought of doing it myself feels strange for some reason. I think the survival instinct is just too strong. I've been feeling extremely anxious that I will have to live with myself and watch everyone around me be happy and just age and eventually die alone.

This isn't a question or anything, I just feel the need to tel someone and I need that to be without the threat of being sectioned.

Thank you for reading xxx

 

[AbusedInnocent]

I don't really value my own life anymore either, I'd sacrifice my life to save a cat.

I've haven't been happy since I was like 6 years old, don't have any good memories left, I'm now 18 and actively suicidal.

Surprised some people can even make it to 25, I know I certainly wont.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I can relate. I'm 32 now and it doesn't get any easier.