Venting I just don't feel like i have a future

[Torbasco]

I've been a NEET for 8 years now, doing nothing particularly productive besides always planning to die. I wasted days, then months, then years... Just time spend doing nothing, isolated alone in my room. The only saving grace being the SSI payments I recieve for my mental shortcomings which help pay for my own food and limited hobbies. But, now I'm 26, with a horribly neglected physical health and no usable career knowledge whatsoever. I feel like I wasted too much time and I can never fix it. Any amount of physical activity exhausts extremely quickly, and my mental disability makes it hard to learn and follow instructions safely. Am I just doomed to do nothing at all with my life? Every day is so torturingly monotonous. I can't learn new things easily, and I have a resistance to change that's difficulty to get through. I probably deserve this kind of guilt-ridden fate by pursuing such a hedonistic lifestyle in the first place. I am the worst possible disappoint to a parent.

I just dont know if it'll ever work out. I tried to work at a job twice before, but I was nowhere near physically capable for them and collapsed.

God I miss my friends, i haven't contacted them since my mental breakdown, but i just keep feeling that they don't deserve to see me in such a sorry pathetic state after all I did to worry them. I don't know what to do. If nothing changes, I might CTB in the coming weeks.
My heart's just been racing so hard today, with painful memories flashing back now and then to bring back the pain in my chest. I don't think I'll ever be with anyone ever again. I'll never be good enough, I'll never be adequate...

 

[whywere]

HELLO!! 1st things 1st, A HUGE HUG AND SMILE TO YOU! I truly feel for you, as you ARE a VERY valuable global family member here and I have to let you know that you are LOVED and CARED about. Now I have HUGE mental health issues and I can understand how you feel. I am in 24/7 chronic pain and everyday is tough for me. Maybe?? take a chance and reachout to a friend. You might be very surprized that they missed you ALSO. My "parents" called me "the mistake", fo real till I was 18 then they kicked me out, never heard from them again, their choice. I mention this becasue I bet your parents LOVE you and NO..NO you are NOT a possible disappoint. You have so much to give the world and on sanctioned suicide to the global family members. I do not know you, but I love you as a global family member, care about you and only want the very best for you. Take a chance and reach out to a friend, you might be so pleasantly surprized!!! Take great care of yourself!!!! Love and peace to you my great global family member!!!

 

[Jellyfish42]

8 years of the NEET lifestyle? I don't think there is any greater form of torture.

Since you've been stuck in the same loop for 8 years, I think it's a problem you can't solve at your current capacity. Depending on whether you still have desires/hope you can seek help from the mental health system (at the very least get back on your feet). If there is no lingering feelings and you've decided to ctb then take that route. At this point you just need to do something/anything because you've had enough time to overthink but never to initiate action.

I used to be a NEET for 3 years and was forcibly admitted into the mental health system by my family. It took about 6 months for me to recover my clarity, confidence and creativity. But you will have to give it an honest effort and comply with your doctors/nurses/therapists.

 

[Torbasco]

Thank you very much for the input from both of you, it means so much beyond words when I'm feeling so desperate and lonely.

I already see a psychiatrist every 3 months, who only really exists to prescribe the same SNRI I've been taking for 10 years, that obviously doesn't do much anymore but withdrawls is severe enough to kill a man so I'm stuck taking them forever. If I was honest to him about my feelings to any extent I'd be hospitalized for sure.

I took therapy a lot as a kid, it only helped a little bit. I needed someone to talk to that wouldn't yell and abuse me in return, so it was nice, but never helped my situation.

 

[Jellyfish42]

Thank you very much for the input from both of you, it means so much beyond words when I'm feeling so desperate and lonely.

I already see a psychiatrist every 3 months, who only really exists to prescribe the same SNRI I've been taking for 10 years, that obviously doesn't do much anymore but withdrawls is severe enough to kill a man so I'm stuck taking them forever. If I was honest to him about my feelings to any extent I'd be hospitalized for sure.

I took therapy a lot as a kid, it only helped a little bit. I needed someone to talk to that wouldn't yell and abuse me in return, so it was nice, but never helped my situation.

What does that leave you for options? Here is how I'm seeing your situation (yea I know it's heavily simplified)

 

[Torbasco]

I'm in the US so I wish the hospitalization was a real option but I'm already struggling to pay for my psychiatrist and meds, I don't have insurance for a medical trip like that. I've applied to medicaid at least, so it might be available in the future if it ever decides to go through within the next decade. But thank you for the effort, it means a lot to me.

 

[MrAsclepius]

I'm in the US so I wish the hospitalization was a real option but I'm already struggling to pay for my psychiatrist and meds, I don't have insurance for a medical trip like that. I've applied to medicaid at least, so it might be available in the future if it ever decides to go through within the next decade. But thank you for the effort, it means a lot to me.

This is a horrible truth. I was fortunate to be an inpatient a couple times, and I was told that it was 2-7k a night... I'm sorry that our country still does not prioritize people who need resources more. I hope you get approved for medicaid.

 

[lion4000b]

Take me through a typical day in your life? I'd like to suggest some lifestyle recommendations that may help you start to slowly change your life/physiology.

 

[Torbasco]

Take me through a typical day in your life? I'd like to suggest some lifestyle recommendations that may help you start to slowly change your life/physiology.

Waking up and laying in an uncomfortable bed for 1-2 hours, mostly motionless but still awake. Then getting up and finding something to eat to take along with my medication. Then turning on my computer and checking whatever new videos or stuff has come up. Afterwards is usually just me sulking in my computer chair doing absolutely nothing for the most part, maybe playing a game or two or watching a stream of something, but it's usually tedium. Just nonstop depressive monotony until I can finally go to sleep again. Mix in taking showers every other day and getting groceries every other week.
(I'm just about to go to sleep so sorry if I stop responding for now)

 

[Yoko26]

I've been a NEET for 8 years now, doing nothing particularly productive besides always planning to die. I wasted days, then months, then years... Just time spend doing nothing, isolated alone in my room. The only saving grace being the SSI payments I recieve for my mental shortcomings which help pay for my own food and limited hobbies. But, now I'm 26, with a horribly neglected physical health and no usable career knowledge whatsoever. I feel like I wasted too much time and I can never fix it. Any amount of physical activity exhausts extremely quickly, and my mental disability makes it hard to learn and follow instructions safely. Am I just doomed to do nothing at all with my life? Every day is so torturingly monotonous. I can't learn new things easily, and I have a resistance to change that's difficulty to get through. I probably deserve this kind of guilt-ridden fate by pursuing such a hedonistic lifestyle in the first place. I am the worst possible disappoint to a parent.

I just dont know if it'll ever work out. I tried to work at a job twice before, but I was nowhere near physically capable for them and collapsed.

God I miss my friends, i haven't contacted them since my mental breakdown, but i just keep feeling that they don't deserve to see me in such a sorry pathetic state after all I did to worry them. I don't know what to do. If nothing changes, I might CTB in the coming weeks.
My heart's just been racing so hard today, with painful memories flashing back now and then to bring back the pain in my chest. I don't think I'll ever be with anyone ever again. I'll never be good enough, I'll never be adequate...

I feel you, since my husband passed away I can't think anything else I have no future. I wish I could give my life to someone else that wants it. I have no real friends I'm alone. Do not feel guilty it is totally valid.

 

[purplesmoothie]

Waking up and laying in an uncomfortable bed for 1-2 hours, mostly motionless but still awake. Then getting up and finding something to eat to take along with my medication. Then turning on my computer and checking whatever new videos or stuff has come up. Afterwards is usually just me sulking in my computer chair doing absolutely nothing for the most part, maybe playing a game or two or watching a stream of something, but it's usually tedium. Just nonstop depressive monotony until I can finally go to sleep again. Mix in taking showers every other day and getting groceries every other week.
(I'm just about to go to sleep so sorry if I stop responding for now)

First things first I would start taking care of yourself. In particular you should get a good bed because I can promise you if it's uncomfortable and you haven't been sleeping you aren't thinking clearly or able to do much of anything. I would try focusing on self care and finding your worth, outside of a job or what your parents think but you yourself as a person.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

When you applied for Medicaid, did you also apply for food and cash benefits? That should give you a little extra money.

As far as working, have you considered volunteering? It would give you something to do and it wouldn't impact your benefits. Maybe over time you would be able to work, maybe not, but at least it would be something to do.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm in the US so I wish the hospitalization was a real option but I'm already struggling to pay for my psychiatrist and meds, I don't have insurance for a medical trip like that. I've applied to medicaid at least, so it might be available in the future if it ever decides to go through within the next decade. But thank you for the effort, it means a lot to me.

You write very well. You express yourself well. I would never guess you have a mental problem. Plus you have the internet. Maybe you can do something with your writing.

 

[lobster salad]

Waking up and laying in an uncomfortable bed for 1-2 hours, mostly motionless but still awake. Then getting up and finding something to eat to take along with my medication. Then turning on my computer and checking whatever new videos or stuff has come up. Afterwards is usually just me sulking in my computer chair doing absolutely nothing for the most part, maybe playing a game or two or watching a stream of something, but it's usually tedium. Just nonstop depressive monotony until I can finally go to sleep again. Mix in taking showers every other day and getting groceries every other week.
(I'm just about to go to sleep so sorry if I stop responding for now)

That just sounds like the same miserable life I am living currently

 

[Torbasco]

I think I'm just going to give up and ctb. Every waking moment is horrible loneliness, desperately longing for the days when I had someone special. But when I look back on why I'm so pathetic, inadequate, and undeserving of anyone's company, there's just too much to handle. I'll never be capable of changing, I can't do anything. Nobody will ever love me and I'll be miserable forever, I'm just getting increasingly pathetic as my age increases without any skills, physical capability, or job experience. I can't take this anymore. I'm in so much pain, I'll do anything to be okay again

 

[Jellyfish42]

I think I'm just going to give up and ctb. Every waking moment is horrible loneliness, desperately longing for the days when I had someone special. But when I look back on why I'm so pathetic, inadequate, and undeserving of anyone's company, there's just too much to handle. I'll never be capable of changing, I can't do anything. Nobody will ever love me and I'll be miserable forever, I'm just getting increasingly pathetic as my age increases without any skills, physical capability, or job experience. I can't take this anymore. I'm in so much pain, I'll do anything to be okay again

Darn life, and our current circumstances. It's unfortunate that you have to come to that conclusion. Hearing your story and how you spend your days, it reminded me of myself and how far Ive strayed from life.

If there is really no lingering hope then I support your decision to cbt.

 

[Life_is_comedy]

Waking up and laying in an uncomfortable bed for 1-2 hours, mostly motionless but still awake. Then getting up and finding something to eat to take along with my medication. Then turning on my computer and checking whatever new videos or stuff has come up. Afterwards is usually just me sulking in my computer chair doing absolutely nothing for the most part, maybe playing a game or two or watching a stream of something, but it's usually tedium. Just nonstop depressive monotony until I can finally go to sleep again. Mix in taking showers every other day and getting groceries every other week.
(I'm just about to go to sleep so sorry if I stop responding for now)

Sorry that you're going through this. Depression (and not the emo depression that most people mistakenly confuse sadness with) really does takes its toll. It's like you have no energy to do the most basic tasks and all you can do is sulk in bed all day long. I'm like this with the minute difference of doing an online freelance job instead of just playing video games all day long but it's still the same nonstop monotonous routine. Compounded with the fact that you have no one and have no friends and family to talk with, it really takes a toll on you.

 

[Squiddy]

Since getting out of college, I've been a NEET for a year and it sucks. I feel like I'm not cut out for a job though with my bad short term memory, articulation issues and processing issues (not always being able to understand what people are saying). I'm considering buying some SN just in case

 

[lion4000b]

I think I'm just going to give up and ctb. Every waking moment is horrible loneliness, desperately longing for the days when I had someone special. But when I look back on why I'm so pathetic, inadequate, and undeserving of anyone's company, there's just too much to handle. I'll never be capable of changing, I can't do anything. Nobody will ever love me and I'll be miserable forever, I'm just getting increasingly pathetic as my age increases without any skills, physical capability, or job experience. I can't take this anymore. I'm in so much pain, I'll do anything to be okay again

Sorry if I misunderstood your limiting physical problems, but is anything stopping you cleaning up your diet, going to the gym, engaging more physical activity, walking in nature etc. Nothing will change if you don't change your environment and physiology. Can you ditch the junk food and internet and go camping/hiking for a few weeks? Live and work on an organic farm for a few months maybe? You need to radically change your lifestyle if you can. Modern lifestyle and all its trappings really effects certain people.

And your male right?

 

[Torbasco]

Sorry if I misunderstood your limiting physical problems, but is anything stopping you cleaning up your diet, going to the gym, engaging more physical activity, walking in nature etc. Nothing will change if you don't change your environment and physiology. Can you ditch the junk food and internet and go camping/hiking for a few weeks? Live and work on an organic farm for a few months maybe? You need to radically change your lifestyle if you can. Modern lifestyle and all its trappings really effects certain people.

And your male right?

I have tried to get to exercising several times, planning out regimens and whatnot, but I never stick with it, and I never seem to improve. I don't know what my mental block may be specifically, but I know I have a grating resistance to change. I feel like I just can't do anything at all now, especially living in a particularly draconian state where covid restrictions make everything difficult.

I've given up, I don't think I can change. I don't have access to anything I'd be able to use to drastically change any of my daily experiences. I have no motivation and an overwhelming amount of stress, anxiety, and despair weighing me down on a daily basis. Im in so much pain right now it feels like I'm dying. Also yes I'm male.

I very much appreciate the input though, I'll consider it if I can ever do anything

 

[lion4000b]

Yes the covid restrictions are a death sentence for certain people. Absolutely disgraceful especially when people were allowed out to protest racism which was encouraged by WHO

There is something wrong with you physically. Your mind is only as healthy as your body and your body is only as healthy as it's environment. That's why you need a healthy environment. There may be something affecting your physiology that you aren't aware of which is why I suggest getting back to basics for a month or so which should remove most of the potential problems and give you a better chance to heal.

 

[deadbeat]

I've also been NEET since graduating high school.
I obviously don't have much advice to give, but just know that you aren't alone.

 

[Nelos]

I like your photo.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I remember at 26. I felt old, but should you decide to try and turn it around you have plenty of time. Recommend you reach out to your friends again. You might be surprised how happy some/most/ all will be happy to hear from you.

Not sure where you live but perhaps look into free resources to help you. In the states we have the Department of Rehabilitation to help people turn their lives around and get back into the work force. Suggest you look into this.

Try and set up a plan for yourself if you want to try. Take baby steps so you won't feel overwhelmed. Keep moving forward as best you can.

I too have mental health challenges, as do a good number of people. I look at mental health as being on a continuem and not something as being black or white. Perhaps your friends fall into this continuem at a location where they might just understand your situation better than you think!

Maybe, reach out to your friends first? Set up small daily objectives and goals for yourself.....baby steps.

How does one eat an entire elephant? One bite at a time.

Wishing you the best!

 

[L I F E T O L O S E]

I've been a NEET for 8 years now, doing nothing particularly productive besides always planning to die. I wasted days, then months, then years... Just time spend doing nothing, isolated alone in my room. The only saving grace being the SSI payments I recieve for my mental shortcomings which help pay for my own food and limited hobbies. But, now I'm 26, with a horribly neglected physical health and no usable career knowledge whatsoever. I feel like I wasted too much time and I can never fix it. Any amount of physical activity exhausts extremely quickly, and my mental disability makes it hard to learn and follow instructions safely. Am I just doomed to do nothing at all with my life? Every day is so torturingly monotonous. I can't learn new things easily, and I have a resistance to change that's difficulty to get through. I probably deserve this kind of guilt-ridden fate by pursuing such a hedonistic lifestyle in the first place. I am the worst possible disappoint to a parent.

I just dont know if it'll ever work out. I tried to work at a job twice before, but I was nowhere near physically capable for them and collapsed.

God I miss my friends, i haven't contacted them since my mental breakdown, but i just keep feeling that they don't deserve to see me in such a sorry pathetic state after all I did to worry them. I don't know what to do. If nothing changes, I might CTB in the coming weeks.
My heart's just been racing so hard today, with painful memories flashing back now and then to bring back the pain in my chest. I don't think I'll ever be with anyone ever again. I'll never be good enough, I'll never be adequate...

what is it like to be NEET for 8 years?
I do my 5 year next month and I really think I will spend a life like this

 

[Torbasco]

what is it like to be NEET for 8 years?
I do my 5 year next month and I really think I will spend a life like this

It probably varies from person to person, but in my experience it's pretty miserable. It's nice at first, but not having anything to do all day makes everything so hollow. Even though I'm financially stable, nothing is really enjoyable anymore. I would highly recommend some kind of regular exercise or volunteer work at least. I'm just not capable of doing any of that anymore, and I get worse every day because of it. Luxury is really nothing without adversity.

But at least I just got approved for medicaid, so I wont be so distraught with anxiety if anything happens. Or at least if I CTB then the hospital bills will be cheaper

 

[L I F E T O L O S E]

It probably varies from person to person, but in my experience it's pretty miserable. It's nice at first, but not having anything to do all day makes everything so hollow. Even though I'm financially stable, nothing is really enjoyable anymore. I would highly recommend some kind of regular exercise or volunteer work at least. I'm just not capable of doing any of that anymore, and I get worse every day because of it. Luxury is really nothing without adversity.

But at least I just got approved for medicaid, so I wont be so distraught with anxiety if anything happens. Or at least if I CTB then the hospital bills will be cheaper

I understand you, I also loved this lifestyle in the beginning, I must have stayed 1 year or more without leaving home. only went to wake up to life recently (agepill kek)
I hope you get well,cya

 

[Niirvana]

I've been a NEET for 8 years now, doing nothing particularly productive besides always planning to die. I wasted days, then months, then years... Just time spend doing nothing, isolated alone in my room. The only saving grace being the SSI payments I recieve for my mental shortcomings which help pay for my own food and limited hobbies. But, now I'm 26, with a horribly neglected physical health and no usable career knowledge whatsoever. I feel like I wasted too much time and I can never fix it. Any amount of physical activity exhausts extremely quickly, and my mental disability makes it hard to learn and follow instructions safely. Am I just doomed to do nothing at all with my life? Every day is so torturingly monotonous. I can't learn new things easily, and I have a resistance to change that's difficulty to get through. I probably deserve this kind of guilt-ridden fate by pursuing such a hedonistic lifestyle in the first place. I am the worst possible disappoint to a parent.

I just dont know if it'll ever work out. I tried to work at a job twice before, but I was nowhere near physically capable for them and collapsed.

God I miss my friends, i haven't contacted them since my mental breakdown, but i just keep feeling that they don't deserve to see me in such a sorry pathetic state after all I did to worry them. I don't know what to do. If nothing changes, I might CTB in the coming weeks.
My heart's just been racing so hard today, with painful memories flashing back now and then to bring back the pain in my chest. I don't think I'll ever be with anyone ever again. I'll never be good enough, I'll never be adequate...

What is your diagnosis??

 

[Torbasco]

What is your diagnosis??

The last counselor I was with diagnosed me with schizophrenia, though it was a long time ago and I can't vouch for their accuracy, it's probably some form of autism or schizoid disorder. I wish I had a proper diagnosis but my psychiatrist doesn't give a single damn about anything but prescribing antidepressants

 

[Chupacabra 44]

My I suggest that you consider familiarizing yourself with the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders – 5.

This is what is used in the states to diagnose mental illness. Google to find your potential diagnosis and read the criteria necessary in order to have the minimum threshold of traits required to obtain the official diagnosis. This way you'll have a better sense of whether or not you are schizophrenic or any other potential diagnosis that you might suspect.

this does not Trump what your psychiatrist may or may not tell you but it will give you a better indication of what is or isn't true.

even if you are outside the states it should still be a handy guide as to the likelihood if you potentially being schizophrenic.

Google "DSM -5 schizophrenia"