I just can't ever learn

[Sadboyspecimen]

I can never remember simple instructions. I hate it so much. Every job I've ever had I've fucked up because I just forget something stupid simple. Then everyone gets mad and makes me feel like an idiot saying things like "how can anyone actually be that dumb?" There have been a few occasions where some people are actually convinced I do it to be an asshole or an attention seeker, but never in my life has that been the case. I kinda wish I could actually say that was the case, but the reality is that I'm just dumb as shit. I hate it. It's so embarrassing to be the dumb one in your family and friend group. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm the dumbest guy in town, but definitely close. I just can't seem to remember anything. It quite literally goes in one ear and out the other. Being trained in at my latest job, which is just answering a phone and connecting people with the department they want to speak with at my local hospital, I think I have asked to be repeated everything i was trained on at least 3 times over. At least. And still I have a hard time remembering. I'm just sending people random places to make it look like I know what I'm doing. I just got bitched out by the ER because I sent someone to their line asking about confidential info that is illegal for us to give out. And I know I have been told not to do that before, I just forgot until now. I hate myself so much. I always assumed everyone was the same way. How is it possible to remember everything the first time around?

 

[CommitSudoku]

Is there any way you could take notes or have you tried those and do they help? I'm on the computer all day for one of my jobs and until recently I made a note for nearly every day. Then I made notes to compile the helpful parts of my notes, and a Word doc for the same. A teacher I had once said you have to hear something 20 times before you remember it. But I honestly forgot if that was exactly what he said haha I'm sorry you're struggling so much, we can spend so much time at work so how we feel then can definitely impact us a lot.

Aside from those with photographic memories I don't think anyone can remember everything the first time. There are differences in memory but a part of it is also strategies. Like taking notes or even just practicing doing something over and over again. This can even include trying to improve listening and focus. Everything of course becomes hard to attempt when we're consumed with self-hatred/depression. I'm really sorry you're at that point. These are just random thoughts and I don't mean them in a bad way so I apologize if they come off at all wrong. Sometimes I honestly try to transcribe my coworkers word for word, I'm not sure what it's like to have a better memory but would love to try it once.

Best wishes in whatever you decide to do and with your job.

 

[CountOfTuscany]

Try Cicero's method!

Surely there is some place in the world whose layout you have memorized. For instance, suppose you remember all of the different rooms in your childhood home. When you need to memorize something, associate that thing with one of those rooms in your mind. If this is too hard to remember, make some flashcards. Do the same for the other things you need to memorize. To recall them later, all you need to do is imagine yourself taking a walk through that house. As you picture yourself in each individual room, you'll suddenly find it easy to remember what you associated with that room.

This strategy gets even more effective when you add in crazy things. If your childhood bedroom is too bland, imagine several dozen centaurs having an orgy on your desk or something. That's a visual you won't forget!

 

[Darkover]

dumb has shit because your enslaved in awful shit

 

[demuic]

Have you ever considered looking into resources for adults with inattentive ADHD?

Forgetfulness is a major symptom and a lot of people go well into adulthood without considering this as a possibility.

I am not trying to diagnose you or anything nor do I recommend any particular psychiatric intervention. It is just one avenue to consider. There could be many different reasons.

If you ever taken any psychiatric drugs like antidepressants they can also exacerbate this problem.

I can relate to what you're saying and I'm sorry. It's hellish.

 

[unkuto]

I'm having the same issues. I believe I had ADHD but I never got a proper treatment and medication and caused lots of problems in my life.

 

[Al_stargate]

Hey OP, if you can write this post, if you can use the computer to get here in the first place, you're not dumb. I know some actual dumb people in my life and trust me, they're dumb. Talking to them is like talking to an artificial intelligence robot, just no opinion whatsoever. You might have memory issues or brain fog. Maybe try to see a specialist.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I can never remember simple instructions. I hate it so much. Every job I've ever had I've fucked up because I just forget something stupid simple. Then everyone gets mad and makes me feel like an idiot saying things like "how can anyone actually be that dumb?" There have been a few occasions where some people are actually convinced I do it to be an asshole or an attention seeker, but never in my life has that been the case. I kinda wish I could actually say that was the case, but the reality is that I'm just dumb as shit. I hate it. It's so embarrassing to be the dumb one in your family and friend group. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm the dumbest guy in town, but definitely close. I just can't seem to remember anything. It quite literally goes in one ear and out the other. Being trained in at my latest job, which is just answering a phone and connecting people with the department they want to speak with at my local hospital, I think I have asked to be repeated everything i was trained on at least 3 times over. At least. And still I have a hard time remembering. I'm just sending people random places to make it look like I know what I'm doing. I just got bitched out by the ER because I sent someone to their line asking about confidential info that is illegal for us to give out. And I know I have been told not to do that before, I just forgot until now. I hate myself so much. I always assumed everyone was the same way. How is it possible to remember everything the first time around?

Taking notes is helpful. I've always had this problem, and I think it's because I don't care about the thing I'm doing. If I care and I am really interested, THEN I remember! Maybe you just don't give a fuck about being the person that makes ER run properly. Fair enough, I wouldn't either. I'm grateful there are people who DO care, but I fucking don't!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are going through this, I can imagine that it must be really stressful and awful. I hope you can find a way to reduce the suffering you are going through and I wish you the best.

 

[Yann]

OP, many people have noted you may have ADHD... I think they're right. I am also someone who many doctors and therapists thought have ADHD. I am also extremely stupid. I can't seem to remember anything, and even when I do, I lose that memory much faster than the vast majority of people. Living with ADHD is a serious struggle. Focusing and remembering is so difficult for me. I find myself making study guides that I give to my friends, they all get 100s, and I get a 70. Other people are just smarter than me. People think I'm kidding when I say I'm dumb. They don't understand.

I think if this is your only reason to CTB, you should seek out other treatment first. I was on meds for some time for depression, and they inadvertently helped with my ADHD so much (mine was Prozac, and i'm not sure why it helped because i don't think it's normally used for ADHD). I quit my meds and haven't gotten on ADHD meds, both because I am ashamed of myself and i didnt wanna cut myself off from certain opportunities by getting a diagnosis. But I can't imagine how much some adderall or other stuff would help me focus and learn better. I really think meds can help you a lot. Hoping for the best for you OP. Just want you to know you're not alone. Growing up I always knew I learned differently, I had to work so much harder, and now I don't have the energy anymore to overcompensate for my idiocy, so I am falling behind really badly. Living as someone who is stupid is really hard. Its so humiliating to wake up every day. Everything is so easy for other people who just 'get' it, or even people who work hard but at least their knowledge STICKS. For me it just fades away, even things I'm passionate about.

Sorry I typed a wall, this is really emotional for me. I am hoping you really find some peace OP. I think there are a lot of options that could really help you and change your life so you dont have to live this way. I know what it's like when nobody gets it.