Venting I just can't bring myself to CTB.

[secondfox2003]

I have been feeling the urge for at least a few weeks in the current state and for years in general.

I have nothing going for me. I mean literally nothing; no real life friends, no skills or talents, no interests or personality. I feel like I'm battling time with all friendships that I do have because everybody is 10x the person that I am and all I'm capable of is drowning in self-pity and infantilizing myself. I've had no traumatic experiences in life and yet I live like I have, rotting and doing nothing.

I wanna CTB because I see no life prospects but I can't. The one thing that pushes me just isn't there. I am wallowing in my own misery because I'm convinced I'll do it but I end up never doing it anyway. I want to either fix myself or just end it but I don't know how to do either of those things.

I'm stuck in limbo and I want out.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I'd get on the path to try to start fixing things. If you can't CTB, maybe the realization that you can't is what's necessary to get you heading down the other path, even if you're unsure of the way.

 

[secondfox2003]

I'd get on the path to try to start fixing things. If you can't CTB, maybe the realization that you can't is what's necessary to get you heading down the other path, even if you're unsure of the way.

Sure, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to socialize with people and nothing seems to really interest me anymore. I don't really live, I just kind of exist.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Sure, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to socialize with people and nothing seems to really interest me anymore. I don't really live, I just kind of exist.

May I message you privately?

 

[Charly]

Sure, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to socialize with people and nothing seems to really interest me anymore. I don't really live, I just kind of exist.

I relate so deeply to this. Just existing is one of the worst feelings. I wouldn't even know what to add other than what you just expressed. "Infantilize" themselves is just a spot on way to describe it.
Hugs to you.

 

[secondfox2003]

May I message you privately?

Go for it!

 

[itsgone2]

I'm stuck in limbo and I want out

Same. I have made no serious attempts. I'm just some zombie going about the day.
I don't know what to do. I've no energy for life. Bills, insurance…. I could list a hundred bs things.
I don't want any of it. I just want out