subhuman metalhead
Crowdkiller
- Jul 7, 2023
- 54
I have tried to attempt CTB two times over the past two days. I wanted to jump of a large bridge, I even went as far as driving to the bridge but my friend talked me out of it after he told me my dad was looking for me. I didn't do it that time for fear of my dad's punishment if I were to survive and it would add more fuel to my mom's fire for her to attempt to gain conservatorship over me. (She abused me all my life). Yesterday, I tried cutting out my uterus–for it is the source of a lot of my problems–but didn't make it very far. I bled a lot but I didn't go to the hospital because the staff would certainly admit me to the ward if I went. Because of those two failed attempts, I'm not sure if I can even bring myself to try again. I don't believe in god and hate every form of religion with a burning passion of a thousand suns and same with women so I'm stuck between killing myself because I am female and therefore useless, or not killing myself because I'm too scared for what could happen after death.
