First off, these are very hard for me to reply to as I believe we are fundamentally different in how we're built. Initially I just replied with a short message expressing that we're too different for me to explain myself without writing pages of what's basically a translation to those who are not similar enough to myself (male, autistic, virgin, mid-twenties, strong drive for relationship since puberty, my type of personality, no friends, anhedonia, no real interests or goals aside from this, a certain set of knowledge and beliefs, etc, etc). To even be asked why I'd wanted a gf actually left me stunned. It's like I have to explain my feelings/needs to a tree or fish, which I suppose is theoretically possible (at least when you don't need them to understand the explanation). But I'd then might be doing well with going for a theoretical/biological angle, I even started by trying to prove that humans had the instinct to breed (next up, proving that water is wet), but then realized that even saying that could fuel the "this is about sex"-thing, which is already the most frequent error from (almost always non-virgins who somehow hadn't realized that sex itself wasn't a big deal before actually doing it).
Also, almost everything I write about this subject isn't new. Especially my replies to the "advice" and "information", those would probably almost be copies of each other, since I'm hit with the same fast and inaccurate thinking as I was over a year ago. I've been getting the same sorts of replies on this very website, more or less, since I joined almost two years ago.
Another thing for the initial reply, which I might regret not posting and calling it a day (edit: I really, really, really, regret it), is because I assumed, and still am assuming, that the eventual replies would basically be yet another debate where I'm asked to explain (for the tenth time), and even attempt to prove, that I (a) have a need for a girlfriend, (b) that it's very unlikely for me to ever get a girlfriend, (c) don't have much else that I care about. The "reward" for explaining these things, and probably also many others, is to get some guy to finally give up and say that he understands, which isn't really worth hours of writing and thinking.
@GenesAndEnvironment I'm curious, what do you think a gf is going to provide, that you so desperately need?
I mean what if the fated day comes and a random girl recognises your autistic cuteness and proposes on the spot, but she isn't able to fill the void you've been feeling all this time?
That would be good enough, then I could end up where I want to be, which is not thinking about this at all. I'm certain I'm only able to be fixated to this extent because I never had a relationship. The other option would then be a life-long relationship, which sounds better to me. Not sure if you don't think I desperately need it; roughly speaking, I've been suicidal (and unable to function) because of this for eight years, I think that could qualify it as a need. Even if no one else would feel this way, were they to go their entire lives never having had a romantic relationship (impossible), it would still be a need to me. Someone with OCD might have some needs very few other people have, but those are needs to them, and so on. People who just drank water can go longer than someone who hasn't, but since everyone knows at least some level of (literal) thirst, you won't get people asking why you "so desperately need water" when you're passed out in a desert. But, hey, maybe I was just hangry for the duration of the entire eight years and actually needed an apple!
but we're both human so I think it's still relevant
That's not how it works. After reading and responding to the rest, I think this is an extremely bad assumption that can lead to a lot of stupid shit.
I lost my virginity at 21 and I really enjoyed the experience, but it didn't really improve my life situation much if at all. Nothing really happens when you lose your virginity, you just swap your label for another. You're gonna be the same person the morning after.
I don't care about the virginity, for the 10th time. I'd be very surprised if casual sex had long-term positive benefits. I don't suffer at all from my life situation except in the way that it keeps me away from a gf, for the 10th time.
I noticed a lot of anxiety regarding sexual function
No you didn't, you assumed the presence of anxiety from reading words. It might be there if I had some chance of getting into something sexual, which I don't.
your desire to find a woman willing to do a lot of emotional labor for you is simply not sustainable
And when did I say that someone would do "emotional labor"? What the fuck are these assumptions about?
I had a girlfriend that tried to use me to fill the void and it really didn't work out. I tried to get her to seek further professional help and reach out to her peers, but she insisted that I was all she needed. I broke up with her within a month because it was incredibly exhausting to put out fires 24/7 and have practically none of my emotional needs met in return. And that's all it was, just putting out fires. She wasn't better off as a person a month later despite having what she wanted, cause I am not a mental health professional and I couldn't "fix" her.
Completely irrelevant, since
I am a different person than your ex and we don't know how I'd act in a relationship. My guess is that I'd be the complete opposite of high-maintenance and needy, since I basically have one unmet need that would literally have been met at that point. Not to mention my personality in general, which is the opposite of asking people to perform "emotional labor".
It's 100% ok to want to be close to another person in a romantic relationship, But what you're seeking isn't an equal partner, it's basically a mother
And how the fuck would you know that? Why are you assuming things to this extent? Can you quote me or something, where did I say I wanted a mother? If anything, I'd like to be the one taking care of my partner than the other way around. Can't you just stick to what I wrote, what the actual fuck?
but your mental health is also your responsibility
I know many people are at this level of thinking, so I'm not surprised by this statement. But you might want to think that through.
I know I was pretty critical in this post
No you weren't "critical", you assumed the worst and made things up about me without evidence (assumed I wanted a mother, assumed I needed more emotional labor than other people, drawing from your personal anecdotes [involving a completely different person than me]). I am actually fuming and seething after reading this, and that's extremely rare. Please don't reply to this unless you're posting an apology, this was one of the worst exchanges I've had on here (2 years). Holy fuck. Please take way more time to double-check if you're assuming anything without reason next time you try to "help" someone. And absolutely work on the reading comprehension. This might be the first time I use the ignore feature unironically.
