Devils_candY

Devils_candY

Afraid of life... scared to sleep...
Oct 23, 2020
46
Let's produce the atmosphere. Im sitting in the dark texting a couple loved one's about how sad I am and they keep asking why... well I can blame a few things...
1: I'm gay and I live in a very religious geographical location with a very right wing/protestant family. Therefore im constantly ridiculed.
2: Iwas sexually abused for a large portion of my younger years. The abusers both Male "idols" in my family.
3: i was also physically abused by everybody apart from my mother and grandmother. They are my rock.

So, yes, I have reason to be hurt, scarred if you will. Honest to God(if the really is one) none of that is something I use as an excuse to be the way I am.

I am this way for some other reason than those above. In my opinion I was wired this way from birth. According to doctors of various profession I am mentally disturbed. I'm simply diagnosed as MDD, BPD, Agoraphobic, with a Panic Disorder. And yes, I take meds. I don't care if I have a label or a diagnosis. I just know I don't like being alive.

Im sad, I hurt, I cry a LOT(I'm crying now...). I just don't know why...

Everybody has words and hugs, but none of that matters. I don't know why...

The sun shines and bits sing. I look at that and all I see is a dark cloud above my head. I can't see why...

Why, guys? Why? Do we hurt so bad we cry?

I am always here y'all. I love to talk, so feel free to message me. Thanks!
--Ba'al
 
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