I hope my mom finds my body.

[hyacinths]

my mom tried to be better than her mom and she did succeed, but abusing and consistently belitting your child shouldn't be a pride point to wear because your mom did it worse. im planning on using sn for a while to ctb and get a nice hotel, but honestly i would rather her just find my body. she told me if I was suicidal to not do it at home. maybe I should just give her the final middle finger. It's not like she ever gave an actual fuck when I needed her to.

 

[Jrmull1993]

That's obviously your decision, but I can't possibly think of something more painful than a parent finding their child's dead body....

 

[hyacinths]

That's obviously your decision, but I can't possibly think of something more painful than a parent finding their child's dead body....

yeah. that's why.

 

[Jrmull1993]

my mom tried to be better than her mom and she did succeed,

That bolded line is the only reason I commented. Perhaps she wasn't the best of parents, but from what I gather on your origional post, she cared enough to try.

 

[hyacinths]

That bolded line is the only reason I commented. Perhaps she wasn't the best of parents, but from what I gather on your origional post, she cared enough to try.

she did. but telling her child that they don't deserve anything, that they could care less if they killed themselves as long as she didn't have to clean it, and continually threatening to kick me out and saying how no one loves me but her truly is the worst way to show how much she "cared".

 

[Doombox]

That bolded line is the only reason I commented. Perhaps she wasn't the best of parents, but from what I gather on your origional post, she cared enough to try.

The line "she told me if I was suicidal not to do it at home" is the line that matters.

 

[Guend]

I understand you want to let go of the last middle finger before you leave. I also have the same intentions. But with my partner.

 

[hyacinths]

The line "she told me if I was suicidal not to do it at home" is the line that matters.

i was having a panic attack and told her i wanted to die because she was yelling at me for not doing my chores before she came home (I'm 21) and she told me to not do it here because she didn't want to have to deal with it

i was having a panic attack and told her i wanted to die because she was yelling at me for not doing my chores before she came home (I'm 21) and she told me to not do it here because she didn't want to have to deal with it

when i say yelling, my mom screams and throws a tantrum and finds every single way to belittle your efforts. she once told me i was of more use to her when i was five years old than i am now.

 

[Jrmull1993]

i was having a panic attack and told her i wanted to die because she was yelling at me for not doing my chores before she came home (I'm 21) and she told me to not do it here because she didn't want to have to deal with it

when i say yelling, my mom screams and throws a tantrum and finds every single way to belittle your efforts. she once told me i was of more use to her when i was five years old than i am now.

Sounds like something that was said "In the heat of the moment."

 

[Hope:-)]

I'd imagine a lot of people here have had similarly experiences with their parents. I want to leave on a tasteful,good note, no note, no blame, just cut up my money between my siblings and move on. I hope you feel better soon x

 

[hyacinths]

Sounds like something that was said "In the heat of the moment."

yeah like how one day when I was 16 and didn't want to go to school she dragged me from my room, which were hardwood floors with some nails poking out here and there, all the way down the stairs? or how she also used to take me down to the prison where we lived when i was under 10 and said that I belonged there if I didn't listen to her?

yeah like how one day when I was 16 and didn't want to go to school she dragged me from my room, which were hardwood floors with some nails poking out here and there, all the way down the stairs? or how she also used to take me down to the prison where we lived when i was under 10 and said that I belonged there if I didn't listen to her?

don't mean to be angry i have a hard time when people stand up for her because I tried for so long to convince myself that she was just struggling and that she actually gave a fuck

I understand you want to let go of the last middle finger before you leave. I also have the same intentions. But with my partner.

if someone hurts you enough over and over again its hard to not want to make them feel the same pain you've been feeling

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm not sure suicide should be rooted in revenge.

 

[hyacinths]

I'm not sure suicide should be rooted in revenge.

i agree with you completely. it's something ive been thinking about and planning for years now, the only reason I say this is because im tired of my moms abusive behavior and a sick part of me wants her to see how much it has affected me.

 

[LittleJem]

I told my mum I'd kill myself in her back garden. I am now pretty estranged from her and don't want her to find my body and don't want her at my funeral. I don't want a funeral either. But I entirely understand how you feel after years of abuse from her. I used to make excuses for my mum, but the pain she caused me was always clear to anyone that cared. Now she leaves me homeless.

 

[hyacinths]

I told my mum I'd kill myself in her back garden. I am now pretty estranged from her and don't want her to find my body and don't want her at my funeral. I don't want a funeral either. But I entirely understand how you feel after years of abuse from her. I used to make excuses for my mum, but the pain she caused me was always clear to anyone that cared. Now she leaves me homeless.

god.dndjsjalkdf this sounds. Exactly. Like my moms and i's situation. she has continually threatened to kick me out especially knowing I have no one nearby who could help me and I still made excuses for her. ive always told people how great of a mom is while she made my family play a card game ontop of me because i was crying and refused to join. it's a bit funny considering how I feel about her now. I don't hate her, I still love her, but I absolutely am disgusted with how she treats me

 

[LittleJem]

It is so natural and pre-programmed both to want our mother's love and believe it is there, even when we are being abused.
my mother said to me when I had trouble at school 'no wonder you have no friends, you are such a horrible girl'. She called me 'the devil incarnate' at the age of eight. She called me selfish over and over again. She blamed the mess in the house on me (she is a hoarder and never cleaned the house, to the point there were maggots on the kitchen table). In fact, I cannot remember one nice thing she said to me. Yet I still believed she loved me and just wanted my family happy. It took a long time to break this spell. I'm now in my 40s. When I was bedridden she did not look after me for one day. I say, abused children run away.
Easier said than done I know. But don't let feeling guilty stop you if you have any chance to leave.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people really are so cruel and to me it's terrible the way that many people treat others. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering as none of us should ever have to endure such misery.

 

[Gloom]

I'm thinking about doing the same thing, and writing a letter detailing every person that caused this to happen, I dont want to provide them closure at all. I want them to feel regret and shock because it's the only way they're gonna learn to be better

they need to know you cant treat people like shit and expect them to come out fine.

 

[stillthinkingabtit]

my mom tried to be better than her mom and she did succeed, but abusing and consistently belitting your child shouldn't be a pride point to wear because your mom did it worse. im planning on using sn for a while to ctb and get a nice hotel, but honestly i would rather her just find my body. she told me if I was suicidal to not do it at home. maybe I should just give her the final middle finger. It's not like she ever gave an actual fuck when I needed her to.

I hope you live long and happily enough to watch her rotten in a hospice

 

[willitpass]

i also have an abusive mother and am mostly estranged from her. to be honest i don't want her to hear about my suicide until after everyone else. she doesn't deserve the right to grieve me