Venting I hope I’ll be ready within a year

[lavenderlilylies]

In 2023 or so i planned on going on the 30th of nov 2025. I picked a method and marked my calendar. But I was looking ahead, there were things I felt I needed to do. Plus, i was and still am scared of taking that final step.

I thought I had ample time to make peace with death. But as the date approaches, I'm getting doubtful. I have nothing to look forward to anymore, nothing to wait for, and no time to waste. I have to go soon, I don't want to hang around any longer than I need to. I wish I was just a little stronger.

I'm hoping for a breaking point soon, for things to get so bad that it overpowers my fear. It's the direction my life is headed towards anyway, but I'm afraid it'll continue to be bad, yet bearable enough. I want to go, I'm so tired of being alive

 

[Nocturna]

Its this depressive stage, I often had that too. I feel your pain and I hope really that you find what you search for. If you maybe need someone, you can dm me. Much love

 

[lavenderlilylies]

Its this depressive stage, I often had that too. I feel your pain and I hope really that you find what you search for. If you maybe need someone, you can dm me. Much love

Thank you Nocturna. Kind of you to offer <3

 

[Nocturna]

Thank you Nocturna. Kind of you to offer <3

No, worries! I am here for you. I like your pfp btw, is that some kind of fanart? Sorry I don't know

 

[kitkat9234]

I feel the same way… my tentative CTB date is quickly approaching…. 10/10. I don't know what to think. I don't even know if I'll even be able to go through with it. I have been having really bad SI lately.

 

[TBONTB]

I feel the same way… my tentative CTB date is quickly approaching…. 10/10. I don't know what to think. I don't even know if I'll even be able to go through with it. I have been having really bad SI lately.

It's hard when it's just around the corner, isn't it? Hugs

 

[kitkat9234]

It's hard when it's just around the corner, isn't it? Hugs

It's such a mind fuck…. I don't know how to feel about it. I'll probably chicken out again. Hsving really bad SI.
Hugs to you as well

 

[itsgone2]

It's such a mind fuck…. I don't know how to feel about it. I'll probably chicken out again. Hsving really bad SI.
Hugs to you as well

It's happening to me almost constantly.

 

[TAW122]

I've always kept putting off CTB for one reason or another, and I can somewhat relate. I believe that beyond our own SI, and waiting for the perfect time and circumstance (or at least the most ideal one), part of hangs on due to "coping" or some sort. For me, it could just be one continuous long cope (until something bad enough triggers it for me to just "go attempt"). Nevertheless, in my mind, I too, have made peace that at some point in the future I will go via CTB, barring some other freak accident or random unavoidable situation that takes me out.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

No, worries! I am here for you. I like your pfp btw, is that some kind of fanart? Sorry I don't know

Aww thanks . It is! (but not mine). That's kunikuzushi aka scaramouche from genshin impact

I feel the same way… my tentative CTB date is quickly approaching…. 10/10. I don't know what to think. I don't even know if I'll even be able to go through with it. I have been having really bad SI lately.

It's nerve-racking even as it's almost two months away. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I really hope you find your peace whatever that may look like.
It's natural to have SI. Tbh I still don't know how people manage to overcome it. I wish i could too.
Whatever you decide to do, wishing you the best of luck <3

I've always kept putting off CTB for one reason or another, and I can somewhat relate. I believe that beyond our own SI, and waiting for the perfect time and circumstance (or at least the most ideal one), part of hangs on due to "coping" or some sort. For me, it could just be one continuous long cope (until something bad enough triggers it for me to just "go attempt"). Nevertheless, in my mind, I too, have made peace that at some point in the future I will go via CTB, barring some other freak accident or random unavoidable situation that takes me out.

It's kind of the perfect mix, SI, coping, and FOMO for me, they keep you waiting and waiting. For nothing in particular. You just sit around watching the clock tick while you're functionally paralyzed. I don't know when I'll be strong enough but for it to stop I have to end it