Venting I hope I won’t have to live past this month

[BlueButterfly111]

Because next month will be the one year anniversary of the last time I saw my boyfriend before he passed away. I feel like I've been suffering for too long, and I just want to be at peace. I was waiting 2 months for my Sn but the package got lost and never arrived, I was able to reorder a little over a week ago. I'm hoping that it will come this time, it's been less than two weeks now, so I'm still hopeful.

I've been looking at old videos of him and I can hear his laugh and voice, man I miss him so much. It's been 9 months now, and the grief has gotten better. But people tell me to move on, having no idea that I plan to go be with him soon. I don't understand the point of life without him, I have no one else to love and hold me. And I never met a person like him before, there will never be another Henry, nobody even comparable that I've met. I think he showed me a different world and a different universe that I didn't know existed through his love, and that's why I miss him so much. People say that love is just chemicals, but it really feels like he is my soulmate.

It makes me angry when people tell me to move on because there is nothing to move on to in this life. Maybe they just don't understand, or just never loved that deeply, or just loves life a lot I guess. I'm glad that he's somewhere better and not on this Earth suffering anymore, he is such a beautiful soul. My soul misses him though, like it's like a yearn and an ache, I hope I get to join him soon.

I'm tired of being here, I don't belong here or want to be here, and I feel like an alien from a different planet. I don't know if I have the patience to keep waiting on this after May though. I'm just suffering a lot, especially with all of the depressing stuff I've seen here recently. I'm hoping that peace will come soon for me. I feel like a broken record at this point lol.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Nothing wrong with feeling like a broken record when it's a love song the one that's playing.

Fingers crossed so that SN arrives soon and you have a peaceful bus ride to wherever he is. I'm sure the meeting will be lovely. Different as our situations may be, I understand the "I don't want to move on" mindset so I'm rooting for you. While the SN arrives, have you been able to get the supplementary drugs for your protocol? May work to pass the time!

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Nothing wrong with feeling like a broken record when it's a love song the one that's playing.

Fingers crossed so that SN arrives soon and you have a peaceful bus ride to wherever he is. I'm sure the meeting will be lovely. Different as our situations may be, I understand the "I don't want to move on" mindset so I'm rooting for you. While the SN arrives, have you been able to get the supplementary drugs for your protocol? May work to pass the time!

Your first paragraph is so sweet, awww!

Yes me too, thanks and I'm sorry for that. Also, no, because I don't really have the resources or finances. I thought about it though, but it's just the finances, all I need is the Sn.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of suffering, I hope that you find the peace you search for, I wish you the best.