Death truly is the only relief for me as well, it's comforting to think of no longer being burdened with the ability to exist with existence no longer being my problem.
All that appeals to me is a dreamless sleep eternally free from all suffering, only not existing is ideal to me, I don't believe that existence was desirable in the first place, I see it as better that existence is all forgotten about.
But I hate how we cannot just choose to die in peace, it's horrible how we have to struggle to cease existing on our own terms despite the fact that we were cruelly forced to suffer here in the first place.