I have waited too long to kill myself and now i probably don't want to

[deflagrat]

I am seeing a mental health nurse every week, and a psychiatrist 2 times / month, it made me have goals and believe more about myself. I just needed confidence (maturity), I needed to look for treatment for my issues with my disability.

I guess the meds are working because I am not really that depressed. I still have many years to fix my life and find a job, I am reading useful books in the meanwhile. I am going to "leave" the mentality of this community. Dying may be easier, but it's throwing away all my chances of decent success. College (University) is free if you have disabilities, so I may enroll in the future. Also, I never attempted suicide so I am very healthy. I didn't want to bore you with my life so that's basically it.

TL;DR: I think I want to fix my life instead of killing myself, it's never too late (not for me anyways).

 

[millefeui]

Good for you. I wish you luck and plenty of good things in your life. Hope it works out.

 

[Volatile]

I sometimes feel that way and then a few days later I'm reminded by life why death is better...for me.

 

[skyofAuroras]

Good job on getting help. If you really want to continue with your life, then that's great. Hope everything works out for you.

 

[Mikulal1995]

Everyone's path is different, and if treatment is working for you: that's great! I find this community to be helpful both in theory and practice. The theory allows people to let everything out while laying out their plans. The practice is what will ultimately help us decide if we really, truly want to do it.

As for me, well, I'm prepared to do it.

 

[Luke]

I am seeing a mental health nurse every week, and a psychiatrist 2 times / month, it made me have goals and believe more about myself. I just needed confidence (maturity), I needed to look for treatment for my issues with my disability.

I guess the meds are working because I am not really that depressed. I still have many years to fix my life and find a job, I am reading useful books in the meanwhile. I am going to "leave" the mentality of this community. Dying may be easier, but it's throwing away all my chances of decent success. College (University) is free if you have disabilities, so I may enroll in the future. Also, I never attempted suicide so I am very healthy. I didn't want to bore you with my life so that's basically it.

TL;DR: I think I want to fix my life instead of killing myself, it's never too late (not for me anyways).

That's great news! I hope you stay this way and find a meaningful life or even happiness :)

Good luck and thanks for sharing.

 

[Samuel]

Interesting deflagrat. I hope it works out for you. I however, believe my ctb is inevitable. For now I will live, but when I get low, I know I will very likely take my life in the future.

 

[BurningLights]

Best of luck to you in all your endeavours. I hope you find what you are looking for, and your hard work pays off.

 

[BurningLights]

I sometimes feel that way and then a few days later I'm reminded by life why death is better...for me.

I seem to forget the reasons why for a day or 2. But all just comes crushing back down again.

 

[Lara Francis]

That's awesome deflagrat.I wish you happiness ,success and continued recovery x

 

[licebap]

I would say one thing:

If I was young and healthy I would never ever think of kill myself. And never thought of that in fact, at the time.

It's only for my shitty decisions and quite a lot of unluck that I am where I am now.

 

[Aaron]

Congrats on your improvement

 

[Rex]

Wishing you the best in your choice, I hope it all works out for you.

Your plans sound good and you sound optimistic, that's wonderful, have a peaceful journey no matter what you pick.

 

[PsychoPyro]

Good luck. No matter what path you choose, give it your all.

 

[Lisa]

I would say one thing:

If I was young and healthy I would never ever think of kill myself. And never thought of that in fact, at the time.

It's only for my shitty decisions and quite a lot of unluck that I am where I am now.

How old are you?

 

[Life sucks]

Good luck and remember not to pressure yourself. Enjoy your life

 

[licebap]

How old are you?

I'm almost 40. Now I'm done. Because I materially have no mean to recover. As I said in another post, I had injury by doing sports and that put an end to every remaining hope. It's ironic, because I've always known my life was shitty, because I don't have social skills, problematics with self esteem and so on, but I always moved on and conserved hope that something good could come...

I'm also convinced that different decisions when I was younger would have led to a different and maybe a little happier/more "normal" life...

Maybe my reasoning is wrong, and things wouldn't have come better than they are now, who can ever know? All in all I could well have avoided me the last fifteen years of suffering by ctb way sooner but as I said I was (irrationally) optimistic... now I finally get realistic...

 

[Lisa]

I'm almost 40. Now I'm done. Because I materially have no mean to recover. As I said in another post, I had injury by doing sports and that put an end to every remaining hope. It's ironic, because I've always known my life was shitty, because I don't have social skills, problematics with self esteem and so on, but I always moved on and conserved hope that something good could come...

I'm also convinced that different decisions when I was younger would have led to a different and maybe a little happier/more "normal" life...

Maybe my reasoning is wrong, and things wouldn't have come better than they are now, who can ever know? All in all I could well have avoided me the last fifteen years of suffering by ctb way sooner but as I said I was (irrationally) optimistic... now I finally get realistic...

Sorry

 

[ghoulish.fool]

I sometimes feel that way and then a few days later I'm reminded by life why death is better...for me.

Coping with this ebb and flow is such a difficult thing.

 

[Volatile]

Coping with this ebb and flow is such a difficult thing.

The yin and yang is suffering and more suffering

 

[transgenderfailure]

im happy for you .. truly, go out and be what some of us couldn't be. much love. godspeed.

 

[mellie5]

Excellent. I think the mentality should be "I tried everything, I am not depressed, this is a mature decision I am taking with unclouded judgement". But eh, just my imho. Best of luck with your treatment.