I have tried so many things and I still feel suicidle

[Coffeandamug]

It's funny how suicide never crosses my friend's mind but I try every day and many methods not to feel this way and I still feel suicidle. I'm at a point where I don't think there's a choice. My brain just wants me gone and it will do everything in it's power to make me miserable and to make me want to go. It seems inevitable, no matter what I how hard I try.

 

[INTJme]

Welcome to the club.

 

[divinemistress36]

Our brains are sadistic

 

[theboy]

it is difficult to stop being suicidal. it is a slow process, but it can be done with help. however, i also feel suicidal despite the help i have been given.

 

[DyingToDie123]

Every therapist I've had would say that that's because your neuropathways are wired to keep resorting to suicide as a coping mechanism. It's really, really hard to get out of that loop.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

If you have cancer, you can just magically imgaine it away. Suicide-level brain chemistry deficiencies is no different.

 

[AkaRed]

It always comes back to the same fucking thing, huh?
You're def not alone in this feeling.

<3

 

[Forveleth]

Eat healthy
Exercise
Get decent sleep
Have partner, family, friends
Therapy
Medication

I did everything you're supposed to do and yet here I am. So frustrating. I feel you.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I feel like it's different for all of us. For me I have days I'm totally normal and days I want to ctb and it's always little things that make the difference. But for you it seems it's becoming your default state…

When/how did these feelings start?

Also try not to compare yourself to others it just will make you beat yourself up more, you were born with your genetics and life path and are doing the best you can with them

 

[Coffeandamug]

Eat healthy
Exercise
Get decent sleep
Have partner, family, friends
Therapy
Medication

I did everything you're supposed to do and yet here I am. So frustrating. I feel you.

Haven't tried the partner + friends for a very long time. I don't know if it would make a difference, how has that (not) worked for you ?

I feel like it's different for all of us. For me I have days I'm totally normal and days I want to ctb and it's always little things that make the difference. But for you it seems it's becoming your default state…

When/how did these feelings start?

Also try not to compare yourself to others it just will make you beat yourself up more, you were born with your genetics and life path and are doing the best you can with them

I agree with all you have said. It is different for all of us. Sometimes I have good moments, but even in these moments, I can feel the bad feelings lurking from within. I have thought about suicide since I was 18,19 and I am 27 now. I don't know why I am still alive and I also don't know why I haven't killed myself yet. I can't make sense of why I have this chaos of bad feelings even when I tried a lot of things to be well and I haven't been able to. I haven't tried to kill myself actively but I almost always feel suicidal. The reason for my post was my frustration with the sheer permanence of this feeling... I tried a lot of things over the years, including therapy, 5 medications now, sleep, gym, and other things like philosophies and meditation... but I'm always agonizing. It really takes a toll on you when you're not able to "remove" this no matter how hard and how much you tried.

 

[Forveleth]

Haven't tried the partner + friends for a very long time. I don't know if it would make a difference, how has that (not) worked for you ?

I used to have a really good relationship with everyone. But after going to therapy I realized my parents really fucked me up. My friends all just kind of drifted off, like we all just naturally moved on to other interests and then had nothing in common anymore. My partner over the years has been less and less supportive of my mental disorders.

Sad as studies again and again show that strong social support is the best thing you can do for mental health. I used to have all of that and then it all went sour. I wish I had just been on my own from the beginning.

 

[Coffeandamug]

I used to have a really good relationship with everyone. But after going to therapy I realized my parents really fucked me up. My friends all just kind of drifted off, like we all just naturally moved on to other interests and then had nothing in common anymore. My partner over the years has been less and less supportive of my mental disorders.

Sad as studies again and again show that strong social support is the best thing you can do for mental health. I used to have all of that and then it all went sour. I wish I had just been on my own from the beginning.

I'm sorry for that. In my own experience it seems that it is difficult to people to keep supporting us over the years. I'm not sure that this is the case but I feel like I overwhelm them.

 

[thealteredmind]

well... try harder!! (that's what normies would say)

 

[surroundedbydemons]

It's funny how suicide never crosses my friend's mind but I try every day and many methods not to feel this way and I still feel suicidle. I'm at a point where I don't think there's a choice. My brain just wants me gone and it will do everything in it's power to make me miserable and to make me want to go. It seems inevitable, no matter what I how hard I try.

I did everything you're supposed to do and yet here I am. So frustrating. I feel you.

The thing is, therapy (or medication, etc.) does not have to help.

It would be hypocritical of me to tell you not to worry about it (since I do it myself), but I think it is okay to leave some questions unanswered. Otherwise, we would have figured out life.

The reason for my post was my frustration with the sheer permanence of this feeling... I tried a lot of things over the years, including therapy, 5 medications now, sleep, gym, and other things like philosophies and meditation... but I'm always agonizing. It really takes a toll on you when you're not able to "remove" this no matter how hard and how much you tried.

In case you decide to look for the answer more or actually find something that helps, feel free to PM me and chat about it...

 

[snakefeet]

Eat healthy
Exercise
Get decent sleep
Have partner, family, friends
Therapy
Medication

I did everything you're supposed to do and yet here I am. So frustrating. I feel you.

Same!
Ideation goes in and out and has consistently for me for several decades. When it's caused by an external source it's easier to understand but when it just appears despite seemingly everything "going well" on paper, it's so incredibly annoying.

Having one of those periods now and each time turns into a reminder that I'll never be able to shake it.