I have mixed feelings about dying. I have very bad OCD and anxiety...if I could get over these issues I would probably want to live. But, I've been struggling for years. I will lose health insurance soon (when I turn 26 - still on my parents' health insurance and do not have a job).
My OCD has gotten so bad that I can't even submit an application to go to this residential treatment program I was thinking of trying. The application becomes "contaminated." So I feel backed into a corner, basically.
Anyway, I had a "noose" in my door (it was a necktie) that probably would have worked...I experimented with it a little, like pulling it on my neck. It was a little painful, and obviously dying is scary. I don't know if I had the placement right, or whatever. But I guess all I had to do was pull, and either I would pass out or not, so.
My mom saw it and removed it, lol. So now that tie and the other ones are hidden somewhere. I will try and find them. But yeah. There is also a cable in the garage, and I suppose I could use a towel if I had to? I have no money to buy things (I know, my situation is pathetic...all due to my anxiety and OCD, and I want out) so I have to find stuff around the house.
But I want to try it sometime this month. I want to give it a serious attempt. Yeah, it's scary and I'm not sure how much I want to die, but I know I want out of my current situation but I'm so disabled that I can't even help myself. I want to try this. All I have to do is pass out and then it's in the hands of the universe, or whatever.
I have to try it. I really have to give it a real try.
My OCD has gotten so bad that I can't even submit an application to go to this residential treatment program I was thinking of trying. The application becomes "contaminated." So I feel backed into a corner, basically.
Anyway, I had a "noose" in my door (it was a necktie) that probably would have worked...I experimented with it a little, like pulling it on my neck. It was a little painful, and obviously dying is scary. I don't know if I had the placement right, or whatever. But I guess all I had to do was pull, and either I would pass out or not, so.
My mom saw it and removed it, lol. So now that tie and the other ones are hidden somewhere. I will try and find them. But yeah. There is also a cable in the garage, and I suppose I could use a towel if I had to? I have no money to buy things (I know, my situation is pathetic...all due to my anxiety and OCD, and I want out) so I have to find stuff around the house.
But I want to try it sometime this month. I want to give it a serious attempt. Yeah, it's scary and I'm not sure how much I want to die, but I know I want out of my current situation but I'm so disabled that I can't even help myself. I want to try this. All I have to do is pass out and then it's in the hands of the universe, or whatever.
I have to try it. I really have to give it a real try.
