Venting I have to live with the fact I'm a coward.

[Mongoose]

The title says it all.

I had SN from before the hysteria happened in the UK, and it became impossible to acquire. I tried two previous times. I prepared and went through the whole process of fasting beforehand and taking the painkillers and antiemetics. But each time, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Tonight, I used my last 25g. I went through the whole day-long process and even had it ready in the water, ready to drink. But I couldn't do it. I now have no choice but to spend the rest of my life knowing that I'm a coward. No matter how much my brain turns against me, and no matter how much I hate myself and my existence. No matter how lonely I am, and knowing how much of an incompetent moron I am. I know there is no way out. Because I am a coward

 

[Hardcore_Henry]

its it ok for me to say you're not a coward?

ending your own life is the biggest decision anyone could ever make. going forward with it takes a herculean amount of strength considering. In no way does not being able to go through with it make you a coward. i know its easy for me to say, but i hope you come around to believing my words, even if you don't right now.

and part of me is glad you are still alive. when people say that its usually empty platitudes meant to make themselves feel better. but i really do feel that way, it means one less goodbye thread or crossed out name that i have to see. maybe you don't want to hear that but...i dunno, just had to say it.

point to take away is you're not a coward.

 

[cryone]

overcoming SI is very difficult, so don't push yourself too hard. Ive heard though that you can overcome it better by being in a state of anger. still, id prefer if you stay than leave.