I have the feeling the problems often accumulate. And this is a reason why many people want to die. Maybe one could deal with one big problem but they are often accompanied with more problems. I some cases the word comorbidity is the fitting word. But not always.
The first big problem was child abuse. This led to psychosis and bipolar. So my main issue is this illness. Due to the fact the physcial child abuse is over.
My child abuse and abusive mother led also to being very obese and OCD. Which in fact resulted in horrible bullying. Due to my weight and social awkwardness I was the main target for bullies.
This resulted in an eating disorder and more mental problems. Some of my delusions are clearly shaped by my bullying experiences.
I am pro-medication I have to emphasize that. I was a renegade against them for a long time. The time was prett cruel and torturous. So for me taking medication overweighs the negative impact of them. WIthout them I was very close to absoute insanity. I experienced severe psychosomatic pain and extreme paranoia.
But I take a lot of medication which have bad side effects. I currently have a lot of somatic problems because of them. But without them my life quality was way worse. I have the feeling my medication is detrimenal for my teeth. I have huge issues not gaining weight. I have developed an eating disorder and the medication is slowing down my metabolism. I never can accept to gain weight I rather starve myself every single day till the end. The hunger is agonizing. Moreover I currently have huge problems with digestions due to my medication. I had one minor surgical (not sure if the right word) intervention in the past because of it and I think the problem is coming back. I am changing my medication currently to have less side effects.
Furthermore I probably cannot work due to all my mental problems. I will probably kill myself due to poverty. So there come the problems concerning suicide. The myriads of hours I think of it. The anxiety and and fears that eat me alive. I have the feeling I have hyper-vigilance but I always forget to ask my therapists about it. So the mental illness is deeply connected to financial problems.
The combination of mental torture and material poverty is often lethal for people. Besides all my problems make it very complicated to find a partner. Another reason for my suicide. It is like a pyramid scheme. In my country we also call it "snowball system". It starts first small or on a medium level but it gets bigger and bigger. For me it pushes me more and more with the back against the wall. And all I can do is desperately trying to escape which is extremely difficult and it is so hard to cope with such a life.
But I think many people know what I mean. I think this principle of accumulating problems is often responsible for suicides. Not sure what could help. Better therapeutical help and more financial support. New therapies and more multi-layered support. I am and was in many programmes. But if you are mentally fucked as me to find a way out of it is extremely complicated. I have the feeling the game is rigged against me.
The first big problem was child abuse. This led to psychosis and bipolar. So my main issue is this illness. Due to the fact the physcial child abuse is over.
My child abuse and abusive mother led also to being very obese and OCD. Which in fact resulted in horrible bullying. Due to my weight and social awkwardness I was the main target for bullies.
This resulted in an eating disorder and more mental problems. Some of my delusions are clearly shaped by my bullying experiences.
I am pro-medication I have to emphasize that. I was a renegade against them for a long time. The time was prett cruel and torturous. So for me taking medication overweighs the negative impact of them. WIthout them I was very close to absoute insanity. I experienced severe psychosomatic pain and extreme paranoia.
But I take a lot of medication which have bad side effects. I currently have a lot of somatic problems because of them. But without them my life quality was way worse. I have the feeling my medication is detrimenal for my teeth. I have huge issues not gaining weight. I have developed an eating disorder and the medication is slowing down my metabolism. I never can accept to gain weight I rather starve myself every single day till the end. The hunger is agonizing. Moreover I currently have huge problems with digestions due to my medication. I had one minor surgical (not sure if the right word) intervention in the past because of it and I think the problem is coming back. I am changing my medication currently to have less side effects.
Furthermore I probably cannot work due to all my mental problems. I will probably kill myself due to poverty. So there come the problems concerning suicide. The myriads of hours I think of it. The anxiety and and fears that eat me alive. I have the feeling I have hyper-vigilance but I always forget to ask my therapists about it. So the mental illness is deeply connected to financial problems.
The combination of mental torture and material poverty is often lethal for people. Besides all my problems make it very complicated to find a partner. Another reason for my suicide. It is like a pyramid scheme. In my country we also call it "snowball system". It starts first small or on a medium level but it gets bigger and bigger. For me it pushes me more and more with the back against the wall. And all I can do is desperately trying to escape which is extremely difficult and it is so hard to cope with such a life.
But I think many people know what I mean. I think this principle of accumulating problems is often responsible for suicides. Not sure what could help. Better therapeutical help and more financial support. New therapies and more multi-layered support. I am and was in many programmes. But if you are mentally fucked as me to find a way out of it is extremely complicated. I have the feeling the game is rigged against me.
Last edited:
