Venting I have nothing left.

[Bunny Beanie]

I've met a person who I thought was going to be my bestie for a long time. He made life not seem so bad and actually pushed me to want to change mine! But of course good things never last. He's slowly pushing me out of his life and it's hurting me so badly. We went from messaging every single day to him slowly removing himself from my life. He's just been so uninterested in being my friend and it hurts me so much. But he won't out right cut me off. I saw him as a friend and he saw me as a bandaid. I would help him heal his wounds and then he threw me away when he didn't need me anymore. I finally thought I met someone who was just like me but it was the devil in disguise. I cried on Christmas over the loss of our friendship and also realized my favorite person became a lesson. He was the last thing left keeping me here. I'm extremely hurt by this and have made up my mind about ending my life on my birthday which it will soon be in 5 months! Time is flying fast. I've been doing so much to distract myself from everything. I'm hurting constantly but I still try to go out. I still try to be there for my friends but I'm always left looking stupid and disappointed. I need to be dead and the only sense of peace I'm getting is thinking about that in 5 months I will no longer be here. It's quite funny how everyone is saying that "I'm glowing" and that I look happier and they don't even realize it's because I've been planning out my suicide since October. I can not wait to be out of here. This place is not for good people and never has been. And I have no means to change my good side. I like myself. I like who I am. I just hate that the world wants to turn me heartless and I simply can't do it. I care way too much and I will forever be hurt. It's time for me to go.

 

[raindrops]

I feel your pain, I really do have you said how you feel to this person? I understand I do. My partner left me after 15 years, and I am to blame for it all. I understand when you said you hate that the world wants to turn you heartless. I already hate couples and love. I feel cold. I know how you're feeling, and I can't find the words to make you feel better. People will say move on, forget them if they don't really care...but it isn't that easy, is it...not when you've made a bond so strong you thought it meant something to the other person. I've even thought if I ignore him, will it bring him back, I don't know. People will say to rebuild yourself and that someone else will come along, but again, it's not as easy as that. You can feel when you've had something so good you just know it will never be the same elsewhere with someone else. I don't know where you're from, I'm from the UK, I'm going to see how far I can push myself to feel better apparently, as they say, people do love again and do find meaningful relationships, again. I'm unsure myself on that one.

 

[Bunny Beanie]

I feel your pain, I really do have you said how you feel to this person? I understand I do. My partner left me after 15 years, and I am to blame for it all. I understand when you said you hate that the world wants to turn you heartless. I already hate couples and love. I feel cold. I know how you're feeling, and I can't find the words to make you feel better. People will say move on, forget them if they don't really care...but it isn't that easy, is it...not when you've made a bond so strong you thought it meant something to the other person. I've even thought if I ignore him, will it bring him back, I don't know. People will say to rebuild yourself and that someone else will come along, but again, it's not as easy as that. You can feel when you've had something so good you just know it will never be the same elsewhere with someone else. I don't know where you're from, I'm from the UK, I'm going to see how far I can push myself to feel better apparently, as they say, people do love again and do find meaningful relationships, again. I'm unsure myself on that one.

Sorry for the loss of your relationship. Thats genuinely so awful and I can not imagine the pain you must feel everyday grieving that relationship. Moving on just never works for me. I don't think I've ever "moved on" I just found someone new to obsess over and the cycle continued. It feels like a never ending battle. I have talked to the person about how they've been making me feel and they apologized but no changed behavior. They blamed it on "being busy and tired" and I just find that such bs especially since he told me days before he was hanging out with friends. I honestly think he found people he *actually* wanted to talk to and actually liked and then slowly started to distance from me when he realized he isn't lonely so he doesn't need me anymore. He never liked me for me but he liked me for putting him first and he liked me for helping him during a dark time. I'll never do that for someone again. I'm sorry but no one needs to come to me unhealed ever again. Those same "lonely" people are the first to hurt you when they realize they aren't lonely and don't need you. Worst realization is they never wanted you just needed you to make them not feel alone.

 

[raindrops]

I think gut feeling is like a superpower, you just know when something is wrong and not the same anymore, so for him to say he is just tired & busy is unfair, it's clearly obvious he's had time for others. I hate people that do this, act emotionally available, act like the truest friend, open up to you, to just fuck you off eventually. I'm sorry for what you're feeling and going through, people are shit, at times (or all the time, I wanna say all the time) Don't feel sorry for me, I caused this with my mental health I feel like a murderer or worse right now, I feel so lost, I'm ignored by him. It's my fault. This is also the one reason I don't open up to anyone until I know I can divide my attention because I don't want to make people feel like you feel rn. I'm on here because I dare grovel to my "friends" I felt bad for coming back to SS after some time, I felt like I only use it in my time of loneliness. People don't realise what they've got, until it's gone, I know that much. You never know, I hope he can explain to you why he's been distant. You seem like a really caring & loving person, he'll realise soon enough and it's up to you if you give him a second chance - I'd give my person a 2nd chance in an instant but he knows I don't deserve a 2nd chance. Why do we hurt the ones we love the most.

 

[Bunny Beanie]

I think gut feeling is like a superpower, you just know when something is wrong and not the same anymore, so for him to say he is just tired & busy is unfair, it's clearly obvious he's had time for others. I hate people that do this, act emotionally available, act like the truest friend, open up to you, to just fuck you off eventually. I'm sorry for what you're feeling and going through, people are shit, at times (or all the time, I wanna say all the time) Don't feel sorry for me, I caused this with my mental health I feel like a murderer or worse right now, I feel so lost, I'm ignored by him. It's my fault. This is also the one reason I don't open up to anyone until I know I can divide my attention because I don't want to make people feel like you feel rn. I'm on here because I dare grovel to my "friends" I felt bad for coming back to SS after some time, I felt like I only use it in my time of loneliness. People don't realise what they've got, until it's gone, I know that much. You never know, I hope he can explain to you why he's been distant. You seem like a really caring & loving person, he'll realise soon enough and it's up to you if you give him a second chance - I'd give my person a 2nd chance in an instant but he knows I don't deserve a 2nd chance. Why do we hurt the ones we love the most. I have another really close friend who I used to distance myself with all of the time because I took him for granted. He was always available and I also always thought he deserved better than a mentally ill chick like me so I constantly was ignoring him and I'll tell you something… that boy didn't give up on me! I finally am so grateful for his and I friendship. But with this other guy that's treating me

I think gut feeling is like a superpower, you just know when something is wrong and not the same anymore, so for him to say he is just tired & busy is unfair, it's clearly obvious he's had time for others. I hate people that do this, act emotionally available, act like the truest friend, open up to you, to just fuck you off eventually. I'm sorry for what you're feeling and going through, people are shit, at times (or all the time, I wanna say all the time) Don't feel sorry for me, I caused this with my mental health I feel like a murderer or worse right now, I feel so lost, I'm ignored by him. It's my fault. This is also the one reason I don't open up to anyone until I know I can divide my attention because I don't want to make people feel like you feel rn. I'm on here because I dare grovel to my "friends" I felt bad for coming back to SS after some time, I felt like I only use it in my time of loneliness. People don't realise what they've got, until it's gone, I know that much. You never know, I hope he can explain to you why he's been distant. You seem like a really caring & loving person, he'll realise soon enough and it's up to you if you give him a second chance - I'd give my person a 2nd chance in an instant but he knows I don't deserve a 2nd chance. Why do we hurt the ones we love the most.

I have another friend who I used to distance myself from because I was really ungrateful for how available he was to me. I also thought he deserved better. I did this to him for years and he never gave up on me and I'm so appreciative of that because he had every right to leave and he didn't. I'm grateful for that person NOW of course but I think that's why I'm trying to hold onto this new friendship with this new guy. I always want to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's just depressed and maybe he's pushing me away because he feels like he doesn't deserve me? Or maybe because I'm too available for him that he just takes my friendship for granted. Idk I always make excuses for him but at this rate I'm chasing after him and he is constantly making me feel like shit. Most of my friendships go like this and it sucks. It's like the better friend you are to someone, the worse they treat you? It just sucks because why even play with me like this. He was messaging me first. He was the one who wanted to be my friend. He talked to me everyday. And it got slower and slower. He used to call me his favorite person. He used to call me his star. Why the fuck would you put all this in my head just to leave me at the end? And I'm a crazy bitch, I live out of spite. I was doing things to better my life for him because I wanted to show off that I had a better life than what he was treating me lol. But he doesn't even care. He never did. And that truly hurts me because all I ever did was love him.