I have no real reason to commit suicide

[notherenotnow]

I'm a white, blonde and blue eyed girl from a rich family who lives in a "fine" country. I went to good school, I have money, I have food, I have everything. I dont have a nice body, but who does? I'm just a pathetic attention seeking whore. And i dont even want attention. How stupid is that?
A few motnhs ago I met and ex-drug addict. He told me about himself. About how his parents abused and neglected him, his father was an alcoholic, mother was never home. He lived in a community full of typical bad people. He got into drugs at 12 yuears old. Tried to commit suicide 3 times before he turned 18. He was being abused by his friends. After he went to jail, everyone hated him. He wanted to feel like he had power over something, so he kept trying to die. And i'm here, sitting in front of my computer and crying and acting so self-indulgent and pathetic. I wish I stopped being so useless. I wish I could get over myself and start acting like a normal person.

 

[lastexit717@proton.]

Please reconsider , life can be boring or little exciting, ill take that deal everyday , you dont want to find a reason to kill yourself . to feel fear and aguish everyday .
You are not useless , you deserve to be loved and very soon you will feel hope and be functional .
Im here to talk as we are all in this forum.

 

[dinosavr]

I can relate to that sooo much. And sometimes I even wish something bad happened to me so that all these suicidal thoughts become valid.
But I guess that's just how depression works. I mean it's difficult to turn out fine after what that guy's been through, but it doesn't change the fact that depression is a disease that can affect anyone, no matter what. Try not to feel guilty, it's not your choice to think about death. It came by itself

 

[AInilam]

I'm a white, blonde and blue eyed girl from a rich family who lives in a "fine" country. I went to good school, I have money, I have food, I have everything. I dont have a nice body, but who does? I'm just a pathetic attention seeking whore. And i dont even want attention. How stupid is that?

Jesus, I don't think the self depreciation is necessary also just because you're blonde with blue eyes and come from a wealthy family doesn't make your feelings less valid. Just a few weeks ago some billionaire ctbed in his own office. A man who had the entire world as his oyster still felt compelled to end it all. A renowned actor also recently ctbed over false drug allegations (and it wasn't even hard drugs), leaving behind his wife and children.

While they do play a major part, wealth, upbringing and looks do not equate to happiness. I'd take some time to reconsider why you're feeling this way, when it started and how it can be helped, self-loathing and deprecation will only make it worse. Treat it seriously, because going through with ctb is a choice that cannot be undone.

 

[figurehead]

I'm a white, blonde and blue eyed girl from a rich family who lives in a "fine" country. I went to good school, I have money, I have food, I have everything. I dont have a nice body, but who does? I'm just a pathetic attention seeking whore. And i dont even want attention. How stupid is that?
A few motnhs ago I met and ex-drug addict. He told me about himself. About how his parents abused and neglected him, his father was an alcoholic, mother was never home. He lived in a community full of typical bad people. He got into drugs at 12 yuears old. Tried to commit suicide 3 times before he turned 18. He was being abused by his friends. After he went to jail, everyone hated him. He wanted to feel like he had power over something, so he kept trying to die. And i'm here, sitting in front of my computer and crying and acting so
self-indulgent and pathetic. I wish I stopped being so useless. I wish I could get over myself and start acting like a normal person.

I often wonder is there such a thing as a "real reason" to CBT? If so what is it? I see people here with all kinds of struggles, some may sound "real", others not so much (if one can say so) but in the end I think that suicide itself is the real struggle. I've got traumas and frustrations that make me utterly miserable, but I've got a pretty "good life" as a whole. I'm married with a daughter and two lovely doggies. I've got people who truly care about me and save me from myself. I'm bipolar, which is pretty damn shit, but I have a great doctor, who's being treating me since the beginnings of the illness. I've got only one friend, but it's perfect this way, as I'm completely antisocial and prefer this way. Still, despite all this, every so often my relapses obliterate it all. I dive into a bottomless abyss and just want to die. I do feel guilty about that but can't control it. One could say that "I don't have a reason" to be suicidal, but suicide itself is the reason.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

While they do play a major part, wealth, upbringing and looks do not equate to happiness

Yeah, society thinks that people who have one of or all these things should not be sad because they have it better than most people in the world but it's simply not the case.

I dive into a bottomless abyss and just want to die. I do feel guilty about that but can't control it. One could say that "I don't have a reason" to be suicidal, but suicide itself is the reason.

There could be several reasons one has desire to ctb but they aren't limited to certain factors that people have a preconceived notion of.

 

[Adûnâi]

I too feel like fake suicider as my life is fairly comfortable and easy - aside from zero social interactions.

I too met a (girl) person (online) who was abused, and I hated that my life was so much easier.

But I support all people's right to kill themselves! (That sounds wrong lmao.)

But on a serious note - if there is no pressing need, would you care to kill yourself? I for one only bought SN due to: 1) postponing the purchase is always bad; 2) the conscription law might get changed, and I don't want to get randomly crippled.

But other than that, people like us could coast along reasonably well, not too content, just sufficiently so. (Potentially, the curiosity of the afterlife might get the better of me if my life continues to be this boring, lmao.)

 

[UKscotty]

No such thing as a valid reason to CTB. Countless millionaires CTB all the time.

If someone wants to go, they can go, it's our own choice.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Having a "good life" doesn't necessarily mean that someone isn't suicidal there are as many individual reasons to be suicidal as there are people living.

 

[Adûnâi]

No such thing as a valid reason to CTB. Countless millionaires CTB all the time.

Invalid*

 

[UKscotty]

Invalid*

True sir - my typo but valid or invalid, neither means anything in my belief.

No one needs to explain or justify their reason to anyone as far as I am concerned.

 

[Forever Sleep]

You could see it though that in some ways you have it worse than others. Not only do you have these feelings but you're eaten up with guilt about having them. I think you need to forgive yourself. We feel what we feel. We can't always change that. Sometimes maybe we can. I don't know. I don't think it's good to repress stuff though.

I used to go through these crazy limerent stages (insane crushes on people.) But, I used to get so upset and obsessed about obsessing which just added another layer of crazyness to it! I learnt in time that it's just something I tend to do. No need to feel embarassed or guilty about it. It's just a tendency I have. That took a lot of the intensity off for me.

I hope you can do the same with your ideation and like other people have said- maybe try and look a little deeper in to when it started and why. Ultimately though, it's not a competition! There are always going to be people who have it worse than you and those who have it better. I doubt you'd tell them how to think so- be kinder to yourself.

 

[deafening]

It won't do any good to compare yourself to others. We all are different, and have valid reasons for feeling and being this way.

Your feelings are equally as valid as anyone else!

 

[Argo]

Well you're clearly unhappy and conflicted at minimum. And it doesn't matter that you have certain parts of your life that are lucky. To be clear: It matters in the sense that it's good that you're lucky(and it would be a worse world if you were in poverty and starving), but it doesn't matter in the sense that your luck does not invalidate whatever suffering there is in your life. We don't live in some kind of cartoon reality where if you're poor, ugly, unhealthy, you're miserable, and if you're rich, healthy, and good looking, you're not miserable. All beings suffer in this world. It's why you can find celebrities who seem to have everything, kill themselves. These celebrities look like they have lives which we would happily trade with. Yet they still choose to die and say living another day is unacceptable. Isn't that a problem for this outlook that says luck=good life?
And even the luckiest people alive will suffer because everything they love will be ripped away from them. Even if they are healthy til age 100, even if they look good and feel good til age 100(let's entertain this fairy tale), they will lose everything around them and they will live in this hellish world where everyone around them is just languishing in misery. How can anyone be happy here when most people here are suffering immensely? Imagine you were in a party, and in this party, almost everyone around you was having a terrible time or was delusional about how bad the party was. And the people who were having the worst time, maybe it was so bad they were crying, they were pounding on the door to just let them out... the supervisors of the party forced them to stay.
How can someone be happy in such a party?

 

[Mirrory Me]

It depends on what is truly valuable to you, in yourself or in life. For one it may be a million dollars, for another it is a piece of bread.

 

[Abyssal]

That's how I felt but as I've gotten older I've recognized to unimportance of existence and how agonizing life can be. That alone is reason enough for me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Not everybody who wants to ctb has some traumatic backstory, just like how not everybody who loves being alive and tries to live life to the fullest has had an amazing life. I don't have any past trauma or mental illnesses but I still want to ctb. My life has been pretty good for the most part and I still want to ctb. Sometimes I do wish I had a more traumatic past in order to further justify my reasons for ctbing, but then I wonder why I should have to justify me wanting to ctb in the first place.

At the end of the day, if you want to ctb then you want to ctb. You don't need to justify it to anyone. Existence is something that is forced on to us without our consent and if you don't want to live anymore then you shouldn't have to. I understand that the pro-life society that we live in has a tendency to portray wanting to ctb as something that only happens to you when you are severely mentally ill and/or are traumatized, but in reality, not everyone who wants to ctb falls into those demographics. There is nothing to feel bad about.

 

[textmewhenyourehome]

Hey, I've been where you're at before. My perspective is, depression is an illness, it doesn't discriminate. You wouldn't say to a rich cancer patient that their cancer is less legitimate than that of a poor cancer patient. Objectively, my lowest of lows haven't always been at the worst moments of my life. Sometimes I've gone through the worst experiences of my life and felt less suicidal than other times where I've been in a much better spot. Regardless of life experience, a lot of depression is attributed to brain chemistry, and we simply cannot influence that. If you haven't already, it might be worth exploring your options with a doctor and trialling antidepressants and therapy together. I know it's an obvious solution, but as someone who works in healthcare I know that many struggle to explore those first steps, and it takes people a lot of trial and error to find something that works for them. That being said, if you *have* explored your options and they haven't worked for you, I'm sorry to hear you're still in this spot and I'm here to talk. Your feelings are as valid as everyone else here.

 

[iwantout222]

god same, i lived such a nice and privileged life and then suddenly everything went shit for no reason. i wish i had any advice for you, but i don't, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone

 

[kmycluisfe]

And sometimes I even wish something bad happened to me so that all these suicidal thoughts become valid.

I relate to this so much...