I have no idea what to feel and no-one I can talk to about this.

[can'tdoitanymore]

My ex husband was extremely abusive. The worst of it was him having an affair and instead of just owning up to it or hiding it or leaving like a normal person he decided to gaslight me and convince me I should kill myself. The mental abuse had far worse an affect than the physical. I will say he succeeded and I lost my mind, fell into a huge depression and attempted suicide many times. As soon as I was doing better and stronger of course he wanted me back. Having not been allowed by him to have any friends or work for 10+ years and thousand of miles away from my family I felt I had no choice but to try and reconcile. The abuse, lies, gaslighting continued and I couldn't stand to be around him so gave him an ultimatum to change or I was done (and I found out eventually he was still having an affair this whole time). Of course for a narcissist me standing up for myself was the worst possible thing I could do and the pressure from him to kill myself and him trying to convince me I was "crazy" and had no hope started again. He called the cops on me telling them I threatened suicide just because I went for a walk which ended up with me in handcuffs for several hours till they realized I was perfectly fine. After all this pressure I attempted suicide again several times and a couple times he found me and even told me he didn't call an ambulance but watched me choking on my vomit unconscious before driving me to the hospital. I think he wanted me to know he had the control over if I lived or died and only took me in eventually so he wouldn't get in legal trouble. I also believe he sexually assaulted me while unconscious.

I finally divorced him and he put me through hell. Stalked me, took me to court many times over ridiculous things that were thrown out by the judge, blackmailed me, forged my signature to the IRS, harassed me. Then once the divorce was over begged me to go to marriage counseling with him while he was living with another woman (the barely legal girl he had been having an affair with the whole time). I know I am all kinds of fucked up now because of him. I have depression, PTSD and OCD now but he is beyond insane. Anyway I just found out he has taken his girlfriend on a trip to a country we always had plans to go to together (a city of "love") and I am 100% sure he is going to propose to her. I feel bad for her in some respects that she is clearly so manipulated by him and has no self-esteem to stay with him through all his lies but she was fucking him while I was in a coma so they kinda deserve each other. It honestly terrifies me how he tried to replace me. Took her to all my favorite restaurants, got the kind of dog I always wanted etc all the while moved onto the next block from me when I filed for divorce so he could stalk me. And she knew where I lived. I have no idea how anyone can't think that isn't insane.

Anyway we were just officially divorced at the end of the year and I highly doubt she knows we just asked the judge for a 6 month extension to stay married. I had no choice it was the only way financially I could have health insurance. I lost my home, my car, my sanity, majority of my money and my will to live because of this man but it still stings that he is likely about to propose to this woman. Everyone else just tells me he is her problem now but I can't help still being terrified of him. And this city he has visited is only a couple hours away from where I moved to thousands of miles away just get to get away from him.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm so sorry you went through, and are still going through all that. He is truly a horrific human being. Have considered pressing charges for your safety, and any girls he will torture in the future. You are very brave and strong.

he may be nice to her now, but he will show his true colors once the honeymoon phase ends.

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

I'm so sorry you went through, and are still going through all that. He is truly a horrific human being. Have considered pressing charges for your safety, and any girls he will torture in the future. You are very brave and strong.

he may be nice to her now, but he will show his true colors once the honeymoon phase ends.

Thank you. I was always too scared of him so now there is no evidence. Plus he is a police officer himself and we all know how that works. They protect their own. Looking back he was abusive our whole marriage but it became 100 times worse once he became a cop. I tried to warn her about him but she is so manipulated by him she can't see it at all and really I have no obligation to her. I tried to do the right thing even though she is a terrible person herself but if she doesn't want to hear it what can I do?

 

[MysticPerception]

That is some nightmare fuel I have to say. I'm sorry your husband was and is such a monster. I hope you can eventually cleanly escape him and he forgets about you so you can finally rest without having to ctb first.

 

[Ghost2211]

Thank you. I was always too scared of him so now there is no evidence. Plus he is a police officer himself and we all know how that works. They protect their own. Looking back he was abusive our whole marriage but it became 100 times worse once he became a cop. I tried to warn her about him but she is so manipulated by him she can't see it at all and really I have no obligation to her. I tried to do the right thing even though she is a terrible person herself but if she doesn't want to hear it what can I do?

I see, so he just likes to control and harm people, and found a job that would give him free access to be a monster. It does seem like getting as far away from him as possible is the most logical path. As sad and sick as it is him focusing on a new person will give you the chance to escape his mental control. I hope she realizes what he is before too much harm is done.

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

I see, so he just likes to control and harm people, and found a job that would give him free access to be a monster. It does seem like getting as far away from him as possible is the most logical path. As sad and sick as it is him focusing on a new person will give you the chance to escape his mental control. I hope she realizes what he is before too much harm is done.

That's part of it. I can't take the guilt knowing what he put me through that he will and can do that to other women but if I tried to help her and she is in denial what can I do? It makes me sick he can get away with all this and I will almost 100% die because of it. I can't handle the nightmares, the fear etc. I have lost all faith in humanity and the reason for existing because of him.

 

[exhausted]

Not as severe as yours, but I have been through shit like this. I was sexually abused as a 17 year old and one of my abusers got off on trying to get me to kill myself (he wanted to see me decapitated by a train) and seeing me self harm. He did A LOT of fucked up shit which I can't repeat. Sometimes the pain is unbearable, but it seems like it happened to someone else, I can barely believe it. I have come so far in the past few years, my past is a horrifying secret. I feel the same as you do, there is this mix of desperately wishing people would believe my story and get that bastard in jail and living with the fact he could strike again, struck before me and whatever the fuck he is, is incurable. He told me he wanted to hook someone up to 2 IVs and infuse hydrochloric acid in one arm and sulfuric acid in the other and watch them suffer. He is a fucking nutcase just like your ex-abuser. Even as I type this I am scared he could read it, he was a bit stalkerish too.

You're going to be ok, girl. The trauma is haunting, but you have your own life. He didn't get you to kill yourself, you held on. You held on through it all and you might be damaged, but you'll never be a monster like that. I know it is suffocating to bottle it all up inside, but there are people who will listen and believe you. I have a lot of fear too, I have never really talked to a therapist about what those men did to me. One day I will. But it's a lot. People don't know that there are people like this. Mine worked in mental health (LOL), so yeah, these sick people gravitate towards jobs with power and access. PM me if you want to talk.

 

[Ghost2211]

That's part of it. I can't take the guilt knowing what he put me through that he will and can do that to other women but if I tried to help her and she is in denial what can I do? It makes me sick he can get away with all this and I will almost 100% die because of it. I can't handle the nightmares, the fear etc. I have lost all faith in humanity and the reason for existing because of him.

Have you tried therapy? Also, you may want to consider talking to a lawyer about the legal options considering his position. Despite the existence of people like him there are still people in this world that will love you and treat you with the respect and care you deserve.

if you need space from humanity communities such as this one can be a good source of socialization without risk. Have you tried support groups for abuse victim? It can help to talk to people that have walked a similar road.

 

[Cevapcici]

"As soon as I was doing better and stronger of course he wanted me back. Having not been allowed by him to have any friends or work for 10+ years " typical narc move. They always do that, they isolate you from your support network, and when they see they're about to lose their supply, they begin with the love bombing tactic.

I'm so proud you've dodged this bullet.

But how comes you're aware of his trips and and activities with his new target ? Do you follow him on social media, if yes, you should absolutely unfriend him and go no contact ASAP. Don't play the narc's game !

If you have proof of him staling you , you could probably get a restricting order ( depending on the country you live in) ...

Gosh, this sounds like you've been through hell... but fortunately enough it's over . Give yourself some time to heal , you deserve it !

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

Not as severe as yours, but I have been through shit like this. I was sexually abused as a 17 year old and one of my abusers got off on trying to get me to kill myself (he wanted to see me decapitated by a train) and seeing me self harm. He did A LOT of fucked up shit which I can't repeat. Sometimes the pain is unbearable, but it seems like it happened to someone else, I can barely believe it. I have come so far in the past few years, my past is a horrifying secret. I feel the same as you do, there is this mix of desperately wishing people would believe my story and get that bastard in jail and living with the fact he could strike again, struck before me and whatever the fuck he is, is incurable. He told me he wanted to hook someone up to 2 IVs and infuse hydrochloric acid in one arm and sulfuric acid in the other and watch them suffer. He is a fucking nutcase just like your ex-abuser. Even as I type this I am scared he could read it, he was a bit stalkerish too.

You're going to be ok, girl. The trauma is haunting, but you have your own life. He didn't get you to kill yourself, you held on. You held on through it all and you might be damaged, but you'll never be a monster like that. I know it is suffocating to bottle it all up inside, but there are people who will listen and believe you. I have a lot of fear too, I have never really talked to a therapist about what those men did to me. One day I will. But it's a lot. People don't know that there are people like this. Mine worked in mental health (LOL), so yeah, these sick people gravitate towards jobs with power and access. PM me if you want to talk.

I'm so sorry you went through that. That is horrific. I have had people believe me but the more he messes with my head the more mentally unstable I become which just dampers my credibility. I think that is part of his plan though but I can't seem to get out of the trap of that.

It's like it just changed me though. To even know there are people like that in the world makes me not want to live in it. And i totally get what you are saying about barely believing it. Sometimes I dissociate so much just trying to believe it wasn't real. It can't be real. It's too fucked up. It must be a dream or something.

I don't know how to survive with the memories though. I even think maybe if I die someone will finally take it seriously and he will be stopped but realistically I know nothing will happen and I'll only be giving him what he wanted.

My family know a bit of what happened. I try to explain it but they don't understand how bad it was and think now I divorced him I will be miraculously cured but it doesn't make it better and I know he won't ever stop trying to hurt me anyway.

"As soon as I was doing better and stronger of course he wanted me back. Having not been allowed by him to have any friends or work for 10+ years " typical narc move. They always do that, they isolate you from your support network, and when they see they're about to lose their supply, they begin with the love bombing tactic.

I'm so proud you've dodged this bullet.

But how comes you're aware of his trips and and activities with his new target ? Do you follow him on social media, if yes, you should absolutely unfriend him and go no contact ASAP. Don't play the narc's game !

If you have proof of him staling you , you could probably get a restricting order ( depending on the country you live in) ...

Gosh, this sounds like you've been through hell... but fortunately enough it's over . Give yourself some time to heal , you deserve it !

It is mostly hrough social media. I don't want to know about him. I want to forget all about him but I am constantly terrified he is coming for me and need to check. Now he is only a couple hours away from me. He also likes to let things "slip" to me so I know.

 

[exhausted]

I'm so sorry you went through that. That is horrific. I have had people believe me but the more he messes with my head the more mentally unstable I become which makes just dampers my credibility. I think that is part of his plan though but I can't seem to get out of the trap of that.

It's like it just changed me though. To even know there are people like that in the world makes me not want to live in it. And i totally get what you are saying about barely believing it. Sometimes I dissociate so much just trying to believe it wasn't real. It can't be real. It's too fucked up. It must be a dream or something.

I don't know how to survive with the memories though. I even think maybe if I die someone will finally take it seriously and he will be stopped but realistically I know nothing will happen and I'll only be giving him what he wanted.

My family know a bit of what happened. I try to explain it but they don't understand how bad it was and think now I divorced him I will be miraculously cured but it doesn't make it better and I know he won't ever stop trying to hurt me anyway.

This is what they try to do. Make you look crazy so they can get away with it. But you're traumatised, not crazy. You are behaving perfectly rationally. I feel like because it isn't over for you yet (it's still ongoing), it's worse than it will be later. Lord knows that when I was in the middle of it, I was terrified and unstable. I am still unstable, but I have built a better life. I have learned to look for red flags and keep myself safe. Yes, there are evil people in the world, quite a few of them, but you don't have to interact with them, love them or give them power. He is the worst thing that will ever happen to you and it is only upwards from here (I hope!!). The flashbacks are gnarly for me, but he can't hurt me now. I am an adult. He won't hurt you in the future once this is over, because you'll be FREE. Not free from the memories, but free from his direct abuse. That vice-like grip he has on your life will loosen. It will get easier.

When I said "believe" you, I should have said "understand". People really, really need to understand just how hard this has been for you, what you have endured and how complex it is. You need unconditional support and understanding. I want to be understood. People need to understand how much of a risk he is and act on it. It can't be minimised or left be.

EDIT:

I missed the end part of your post, but what you wrote is ME all over. I kept email accounts open for YEARS and still do, constantly monitoring and checking up. It's hypervigilance. It's like...if at least I am ready for an attack, it might hurt less. The constant need to stay aware, stay on top of things, predict and prepare, even if it means living in a state of constant anxiety. It's totally a trauma thing.

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

Have you tried therapy? Also, you may want to consider talking to a lawyer about the legal options considering his position. Despite the existence of people like him there are still people in this world that will love you and treat you with the respect and care you deserve.

if you need space from humanity communities such as this one can be a good source of socialization without risk. Have you tried support groups for abuse victim? It can help to talk to people that have walked a similar road.

I have gone to domestic violence support groups. It helped in many ways to see so many similar characteristics in abusers but I also felt like all these women seemed so strong compared to me. Unless they just didn't talk about of most of them stayed strong for their kids (I don't have any) where as I felt like I completely lost my mind and couldn't cope from what he did.

 

[exhausted]

I have gone to domestic violence support groups. It helped in many ways to see so many similar characteristics in abusers but I also felt like all these women seemed so strong compared to me. Unless they just didn't talk about of most of them stayed strong for their kids (I don't have any) where as I felt like I completely lost my mind and couldn't cope from what he did.

Just realised I said you won't be free of the memories, which sounds depressing as hell! But realistically, you can't remove memories from your head, but therapy will really help and it becomes manageable. You can create new memories that overwrite the old ones. Also, those ladies are strong and so are you. I lost my mind too. I bet they did too. It's ok.

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

This is what they try to do. Make you look crazy so they can get away with it. But you're traumatised, not crazy. You are behaving perfectly rationally. I feel like because it isn't over for you yet (it's still ongoing), it's worse than it will be later. Lord knows that when I was in the middle of it, I was terrified and unstable. I am still unstable, but I have built a better life. I have learned to look for red flags and keep myself safe. Yes, there are evil people in the world, quite a few of them, but you don't have to interact with them, love them or give them power. He is the worst thing that will ever happen to you and it is only upwards from here (I hope!!). The flashbacks are gnarly for me, but he can't hurt me now. I am an adult. He won't hurt you in the future once this is over, because you'll be FREE. Not free from the memories, but free from his direct abuse. That vice-like grip he has on your life will loosen. It will get easier.

When I said "believe" you, I should have said "understand". People really, really need to understand just how hard this has been for you, what you have endured and how complex it is. You need unconditional support and understanding. I want to be understood. People need to understand how much of a risk he is and act on it. It can't be minimised or left be.

EDIT:

I missed the end part of your post, but what you wrote is ME all over. I kept email accounts open for YEARS and still do, constantly monitoring and checking up. It's hypervigilance. It's like...if at least I am ready for an attack, it might hurt less. The constant need to stay aware, stay on top of things, predict and prepare, even if it means living in a state of constant anxiety. It's totally a trauma thing.

I feel a bit more sane now! I was thinking why am I doing this to myself. I know it's hurting me but I can't stop. It is a hyper vigilance thing. That makes sense.

And thank you I know a part of me knows I am not "crazy" just have been made to feel like that but I know to outsiders I definitely look crazy because of my actions to end my life and then I hate myself for playing into exactly what he wanted.

 

[exhausted]

I feel a bit more sane now! I was thinking why am I doing this to myself. I know it's hurting me but I can't stop. It is a hyper vigilance thing. That makes sense.

And thank you I know a part of me knows I am not "crazy" just have been made to feel like that but I know to outsiders I definitely look crazy because of my actions to end my life and then I hate myself for playing into exactly what he wanted.

Sometimes I fantasise about killing him, but I know he is so narcissistic he would consider it his crowning achievement that he was still under my skin after all this time. Sorry to add a homicidal spin to the situation, but revenge fantasies are a PTSD thing as well. Point is, they thrive on damaging people and you can't give them the satisfaction (but of course, it takes time, you can't just decide not to be miserable). It used to bother me (being a mess), I felt they were living in my head and revelling in my failures, every low mood was a new homage to their successful cruelty. But...I am an individual. I am separate. It's not about them and how they plague you, that's just what they want you to think, because they're so selfish. It's about you acknowledging you are hurt and having those onlookers become healers. I AM traumatised, and that's fine and normal. I was so determined to be fine, to recover, because these monsters thrive on creating trauma. But that just meant that my identity remained enmeshed with an abuser. I am messed up, and that's fine, and it is certainly fine to those onlookers who know what they are seeing. They are seeing a resilient human being who has just wrestled out of a pit of barbed wire. You don't need to think about how your pain is exactly what he wanted anymore, your pain is a product of his abuse, but now you own it and you will deal with it, FOR YOU. He got what he wanted, a victim, and now it's over. The control is over. The games are over.

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

Sometimes I fantasise about killing him, but I know he is so narcissistic he would consider it his crowning achievement that he was still under my skin after all this time. Sorry to add a homicidal spin to the situation, but revenge fantasies are a PTSD thing as well. Point is, they thrive on damaging people and you can't give them the satisfaction (but of course, it takes time, you can't just decide not to be miserable). It used to bother me (being a mess), I felt they were living in my head and revelling in my failures, every low mood was a new homage to their successful cruelty. But...I am an individual. I am separate. It's not about them and how they plague you, that's just what they want you to think, because they're so selfish. It's about you acknowledging you are hurt and having those onlookers become healers. I AM traumatised, and that's fine and normal. I was so determined to be fine, to recover, because these monsters thrive on creating trauma. But that just meant that my identity remained enmeshed with an abuser. I am messed up, and that's fine, and it is certainly fine to those onlookers who know what they are seeing. They are seeing a resilient human being who has just wrestled out of a pit of barbed wire. You don't need to think about how your pain is exactly what he wanted anymore, your pain is a product of his abuse, but now you own it and you will deal with it, FOR YOU. He got what he wanted, a victim, and now it's over. The control is over. The games are over.

I think the hardest part is I feel like I became worse than him through all my pain. And then I feel like me blaming him for what I have done maybe that is just an excuse and I was always bad. I struggle with that because deep down I think I was genuinely a good, kind person and this all changed me and that is probably why he targeted me, because I was so naive and cared so much about others. I don't really believe I am worse than him but sometimes it feels impossible to stop those thoughts. I know no-one here is of the mindset that suicide is selfish and I 100% agree but I do feel I have been selfish in the ways I have attempted from my desperation to end all the pain and maybe now that makes me a bad person. Maybe I will PM you about that because I feel it is too bad to even post.

 

[exhausted]

I think the hardest part is I feel like I became worse than him through all my pain. And then I feel like me blaming him for what I have done maybe that is just an excuse and I was always bad. I struggle with that because deep down I think I was genuinely a good, kind person and this all changed me and that is probably why he targeted me, because I was so naive and cared so much about others. I don't really believe I am worse than him but sometimes it feels impossible to stop those thoughts. I know no-one here is of the mindset that suicide is selfish and I 100% agree but I do feel I have been selfish in the ways I have attempted from my desperation to end all the pain and maybe now that makes me a bad person. Maybe I will PM you about that because I feel it is too bad to even post.

One of the reasons he would have targeted you is jealousy. There will be things about you that you can't recognise as enviable because you hate yourself, but there would have been some things he saw as worth taking from you. Not just that you were an "easy mark" due to being an empathic and naive person, but it's sometimes more fun for these people to break someone strong or remove what they perceive as competition by destroying the self-worth of someone who has traits they wish they had. If you are attractive, intelligent, funny or talented in some way, I wouldn't be surprised at all. But yes, PM if you need to. Nothing shocks me.

 

[jgm63]

I'm so sorry you went through that. That is horrific. I have had people believe me but the more he messes with my head the more mentally unstable I become which just dampers my credibility. I think that is part of his plan though but I can't seem to get out of the trap of that.

It's like it just changed me though. To even know there are people like that in the world makes me not want to live in it. And i totally get what you are saying about barely believing it. Sometimes I dissociate so much just trying to believe it wasn't real. It can't be real. It's too fucked up. It must be a dream or something.

I don't know how to survive with the memories though. I even think maybe if I die someone will finally take it seriously and he will be stopped but realistically I know nothing will happen and I'll only be giving him what he wanted.

My family know a bit of what happened. I try to explain it but they don't understand how bad it was and think now I divorced him I will be miraculously cured but it doesn't make it better and I know he won't ever stop trying to hurt me anyway.

It is mostly hrough social media. I don't want to know about him. I want to forget all about him but I am constantly terrified he is coming for me and need to check. Now he is only a couple hours away from me. He also likes to let things "slip" to me so I know.

Two hours away isn't that close, so don't worry about that too much.
It sounds to me as though you will want to minimise contact as much as possible.
Don't offer any emotional reaction to him in any way, so he can't get any payback or satisfaction from attempting to manipulate you in his various subtle or not so subtle ways.
To do this you will need to keep a very cool head, but you can do it, and we can offer you support in doing that.
Never get drawn into arguments. Always take the higher ground. Never lower your standards by saying hurtful things because that will actually only hurt yourself. Never show any emotion to him in text messages, etc, etc. Stay factual. Keep messages short.
If he starts talking nonsense, say things like "It seems you're not being very logical at the moment. Perhaps we should talk tomorrow".
Or sometimes you can just throw in : "Can't text now, bit busy. Text you sometime later".
You now have a formidable army of expert tacticians on your side, so fear not.....

 

[escapefromabuse]

I'm so sorry you went through that. That is horrific. I have had people believe me but the more he messes with my head the more mentally unstable I become which just dampers my credibility. I think that is part of his plan though but I can't seem to get out of the trap of that.

It's like it just changed me though. To even know there are people like that in the world makes me not want to live in it. And i totally get what you are saying about barely believing it. Sometimes I dissociate so much just trying to believe it wasn't real. It can't be real. It's too fucked up. It must be a dream or something.

I don't know how to survive with the memories though. I even think maybe if I die someone will finally take it seriously and he will be stopped but realistically I know nothing will happen and I'll only be giving him what he wanted.

My family know a bit of what happened. I try to explain it but they don't understand how bad it was and think now I divorced him I will be miraculously cured but it doesn't make it better and I know he won't ever stop trying to hurt me anyway.

It's horrendous that a person is capable of something like this. I'm so sorry you've had to go through it. You're not alone.

 

[NeverHungry]

My ex husband was extremely abusive. The worst of it was him having an affair and instead of just owning up to it or hiding it or leaving like a normal person he decided to gaslight me and convince me I should kill myself. The mental abuse had far worse an affect than the physical. I will say he succeeded and I lost my mind, fell into a huge depression and attempted suicide many times. As soon as I was doing better and stronger of course he wanted me back. Having not been allowed by him to have any friends or work for 10+ years and thousand of miles away from my family I felt I had no choice but to try and reconcile. The abuse, lies, gaslighting continued and I couldn't stand to be around him so gave him an ultimatum to change or I was done (and I found out eventually he was still having an affair this whole time). Of course for a narcissist me standing up for myself was the worst possible thing I could do and the pressure from him to kill myself and him trying to convince me I was "crazy" and had no hope started again. He called the cops on me telling them I threatened suicide just because I went for a walk which ended up with me in handcuffs for several hours till they realized I was perfectly fine. After all this pressure I attempted suicide again several times and a couple times he found me and even told me he didn't call an ambulance but watched me choking on my vomit unconscious before driving me to the hospital. I think he wanted me to know he had the control over if I lived or died and only took me in eventually so he wouldn't get in legal trouble. I also believe he sexually assaulted me while unconscious.

I finally divorced him and he put me through hell. Stalked me, took me to court many times over ridiculous things that were thrown out by the judge, blackmailed me, forged my signature to the IRS, harassed me. Then once the divorce was over begged me to go to marriage counseling with him while he was living with another woman (the barely legal girl he had been having an affair with the whole time). I know I am all kinds of fucked up now because of him. I have depression, PTSD and OCD now but he is beyond insane. Anyway I just found out he has taken his girlfriend on a trip to a country we always had plans to go to together (a city of "love") and I am 100% sure he is going to propose to her. I feel bad for her in some respects that she is clearly so manipulated by him and has no self-esteem to stay with him through all his lies but she was fucking him while I was in a coma so they kinda deserve each other. It honestly terrifies me how he tried to replace me. Took her to all my favorite restaurants, got the kind of dog I always wanted etc all the while moved onto the next block from me when I filed for divorce so he could stalk me. And she knew where I lived. I have no idea how anyone can't think that isn't insane.

Anyway we were just officially divorced at the end of the year and I highly doubt she knows we just asked the judge for a 6 month extension to stay married. I had no choice it was the only way financially I could have health insurance. I lost my home, my car, my sanity, majority of my money and my will to live because of this man but it still stings that he is likely about to propose to this woman. Everyone else just tells me he is her problem now but I can't help still being terrified of him. And this city he has visited is only a couple hours away from where I moved to thousands of miles away just get to get away from him.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. There isn't anything that I can do to take away the pain that you have suffered, but I hope that the support you've got and will continue to get on this forum will help you to be in a more peaceful place.