Venting I have no friends cuz I'm a dick. Yet I do nothing to change my behavior.

[ConfusedHurting2632]

The title says it.

I make enemies everywhere I go. I cause drama and chaos everywhere I go. My entire family hates me. All my classmates hated me. All my coworkers hated me. Even strangers in a grocery store hated me. Even strangers on the internet hated me.

This is not just me either. People have told me. "Okay, Mr. ConfusedHurting2632...we need to have a SERIOUS discussion...you're the absolute WORST person I have EVER met in my entire life...I mean how the fuck could this be?! You're whiney, spoiled, entitled, immature, mean-spirited, a pathological liar, manipulative...you're just a real dumpster fire. And I regret the day I ever met you."

And I KNOW the issue is ME, not other people...

I KNOW I am an asshole, and that people find me annoying and unlikeable...

And yet...I do nothing to change my behavior.

Not sure if it's because I don't want to, or just don't know how. Or both. Lol.

 

[untothedepths]

Do you genuinely wish to change? Have any direction for it?

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

Do you genuinely wish to change? Have any direction for it?

Honestly...I'm not even 100% sure myself...lol.

I have a strong philosophy of "God is my only friend, and my only family, I don't need anyone else." I'd say I'm more agnostic than fully Christian, but still, yeah...

BUT at the same time, it CAN and DOES get rather lonely every once in a while...

Seeing myself alone while literally everyone else is talking and laughing with their friends and family. And knowing that's something I never had at ANY point in my life. And likely never will.

 

[NumbItAll]

You seem alright on here tho... maybe you are just surrounded by jerks? Or do you act much differently irl?

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

You seem alright on here tho... maybe you are just surrounded by jerks? Or do you act much differently irl?

Hmmm...I don't know myself, lol...

I don't really observe how I act, honestly...I wouldn't really say I'm self-aware, hmmm...

But naturally, I'd say on the internet, on here including, I'm a lot more open and honest...

While in real life, I'm a lot more closed off and don't really do or say much. And I often hide my true views out of fear of judgement.