Venting I have no doubt anymore that God wants me to kill myself

[KillingPain267]

My family will have to suffer a little, but it's life no? That's what everyone says "just endure suffering, it's life". Okay, then let me give people are reason to feel "life" a little. As for me, I no longer feel in control of my life. No matter what I choose, it leads to misery. I choose drinking, then the sickness and shame. I chose soberness, then the anxiety and dark thought and negative L9000 self-esteem. I'm just tired, like physically exhausted. It feels like I carry a brick ton on my head, and depression in my feels like my chest is literally on fire. My thoughts, I can't control them. Triggers, nostalgic thoughts, tears. Photos of the past. What a naive innocent playful child I was. No no no, thoughts flowing through me, I am just an experiencer. Some of those thoughts are of blissful rest in the grave. Please grave, engulf me, oh thou beautiful padded coffin, suffer me to sleep, plleeeaaassseee!

I may not respond here because I'm exhausted. But I will for sure read your replies still.

 

[Nadir]

Enlightenment is death.

All similar answers run off limiting cosciousness, getting close but not close enough.

Realising that death is the absense of all suffering, blissful non existence. better than any dreams sold to you. Human life runs on suffering, it is the constant motivation to continue. Give them pain drive them to work to avoid pain, endlessly.

God isnt real. Just a stupid idea. Desperate people birth the dumbest lies.

 

[KillingPain267]

Enlightenment is death.

All similar answers run off limiting cosciousness, getting close but not close enough.

Realising that death is the absense of all suffering, blissful non existence. better than any dreams sold to you. Human life runs on suffering, it is the constant motivation to continue. Give them pain drive them to work to avoid pain, endlessly.

God isnt real. Just a stupid idea. Desperate people birth the dumbest lies.

God is absolutely real. How else do you explain why you even have thoughts.

 

[Blue Dream]

"God" doesn't want you to die, you simply don't want to live.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

God? Who is that? Never heard of him. Doubt he even exists.

 

[Namelesa]

"God" doesn't want you to die, you simply don't want to live.

(btw I am agnostic so I don't know whether to believe he does or doesn't exist but this if he does) If God didn't want us to die then why did he create the ability for us to die?

 

[TheOneFreeDude]

There's no such thing as a god. It's quite easy to stare at all the incomprehensible complexity of the universe and answer it dismissively by yelling just this one word. What's hard is facing that we're just a bunch of machines made of flesh violently gnawing at each other for some meaningless ephemerous token we call money. That's what's hard.

 

[VigilanteWithViolin]

(кстати, я агностик, поэтому не знаю, верить ли в то, что он существует или не существует, но если он существует) Если Бог не хотел, чтобы мы умирали, то зачем он создал возможность для нашей смерти?

if you study religion carefully, you can understand why god was invented....
perhaps there is some kind of energy or something supernatural and beyond the control of our mind, but in this case, I think that this energy does not care about humanity. because then there wouldn't be all the terrible things. But god? No. No offense, christians, but god is a terrible thing, full of hatred and cruelty, invented to control and justify violence and oppression.
I prefer to think of the entire universe as a single organism. After all, everything is made up of atoms, everything is one, despite the differences.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Technically you could try some other, non-harmful drugs to compensate the boredom and low energy. Some are definitely better than drinking alcohol regularly.

 

[KillingPain267]

(btw I am agnostic so I don't know whether to believe he does or doesn't exist but this if he does) If God didn't want us to die then why did he create the ability for us to die?

It's part of the script.

Technically you could try some other, non-harmful drugs to compensate the boredom and low energy. Some are definitely better than drinking alcohol regularly.

Like what? I tried weed and acid. It always gave me anxiety and paranoid thought loops. I like opioids but they are to expensive and build tolerance and dependence way too fast. Benzos just make me drowsy, like in a feeling of my body being heavy. Cocaine is also too expensive, but would like to try. But this is all so stupid because long term nothing works. Permanent sleep in the grave is the best plan.

"God" doesn't want you to die, you simply don't want to live.

The "me" is all just a prepgrammed character, so my suicide is scripted into my story. There is no free will.

God? Who is that? Never heard of him. Doubt he even exists.

The Creator of the matrix you are a prisoner of. But you can't ever escape it. Even in death. Death is just a pause until you are resurrected. I have no issue with this Creator. I just follow the script and it is to kill myself soon because I am a burden on society.

There's no such thing as a god. It's quite easy to stare at all the incomprehensible complexity of the universe and answer it dismissively by yelling just this one word. What's hard is facing that we're just a bunch of machines made of flesh violently gnawing at each other for some meaningless ephemerous token we call money. That's what's hard.

Money is invented too, by humans. It represents debt. God teaches us to forgive debts. But we don't because we are evil. But it's all in the script that it came to be like that. Machines made of flesh is very accurate, but who controls these machines?

 

[hereornot]

perhaps there is some kind of energy or something supernatural and beyond the control of our mind

I believe that energy is what can be called God. Not the narrative of the last centuries imposed by the church.

God, or this superior force, has always existed in the history of humanity, each era portrayed in a different way because there is no absolute understanding of what it really is.

Some have had enough experiences to be certain of its existence.

God, supernatural energy, the greatest force in the universe, the sun, whatever you prefer to call it.

 

[Blue Dream]

(btw I am agnostic so I don't know whether to believe he does or doesn't exist but this if he does) If God didn't want us to die then why did he create the ability for us to die?

What I'm saying is, "God" in this case is just a rhetorical device to add weight to the idea that he should die and to avoid owning up to his own ideation. "God" is asking for it so " it can't be helped, he has no choice" but to comply.

It's a trick to make the subjective sound objective and to avoid questioning or ownership. Which is why whenever "God" is claimed to want something, it's always something either incredibly specific or ideologically driven.
Plus you also get the option to bait people into an endless theological ontology argument if met with resistance.

If an omnipotent entity existed and wanted you dead it would not be politely nudging you, you simply would die on the spot, which is why your death is guaranteed even if you don't ctb.

The "me" is all just a prepgrammed character, so my suicide is scripted into my story. There is no free will.

QED.

 

[Forever Sleep]

God is absolutely real. How else do you explain why you even have thoughts.

I respect that you choose to believe in God. Personally, I'm undecided although I do lean towards atheism.

However, anything seemingly complicated, even miraculous, I don't think is necessarily proof that a God exists. 'God of the gaps' as they term it.

So- thoughts for example. It's clear that animals do think. Maybe with less self awareness than us but, our nearest relation (the chimpanzee) clearly does have a more developed intelligence than many other animals. It uses tools, it communicates, it lives in complex social hierarchies. Of course, you may disagree that we evolved from chimps but there's strong DNA and fossil evidence to demonstrate that we did.

If you're able to accept there is or was such a thing as evolution going on in the world, I think that most attributes we have can be reasoned out that way. As in- very small changes that get passed on in reproduction. Some of those changes- opposing thumbs, ability to walk on two legs, higher intellect gave those animals better chance of survival. So- they did survive long enough to pass those abilities on to their children.

If you don't believe in evolution, can I give you a scenario? Dolphins and Whales have lungs yet, they can't survive on land. Wouldn't it benefit them to have gills like other fish? Each time they need to breathe- they need to go to the surface. They can effectively drown- just like us- if they don't.

The reason why, is because they evolved from cow or camel like creatures that returned to the water. They evolved in other ways to adapt better to their environment but, not that one. If that wasn't the case and, God created them from scratch, why were they given lungs instead of gills? Or, is it the case that God started things off and then, left? In which case, how can we be sure God created the ability to think?

I think you're far more generous towards God than I am (if there is one.) God knows you, along with millions of other people are suffering. Honestly, I feel like- if they actually wanted to relieve you from your pain, they could- surely? They're God! They kill millions, billions everyday.

A relation of mine was utterly devout. She was in so much discomfort and pain in the end that she would pray (out loud) for God to release her. God seemed to ignore her for years and years.

Still, I suspect you'll be much better off than me if you're right and, you deserve it. I actually admire loyalty. I just can't bring myself to give it to a God that created all this. I wish your God would help you out in some way though.

 

[VigilanteWithViolin]

I believe that energy is what can be called God. Not the narrative of the last centuries imposed by the church.

God, or this superior force, has always existed in the history of humanity, each era portrayed in a different way because there is no absolute understanding of what it really is.

Some have had enough experiences to be certain of its existence.

God, supernatural energy, the greatest force in the universe, the sun, whatever you prefer to call it.

Well, I don't call it "god" because many people (including me) associate the word "god" with something negative related to slavery, brainwashing, dehumanization of women, ignorance, obscurantism, crusades, etc. this word causes negativity. that's why I don't want to call it "god."

 

[hereornot]

Well, I don't call it "god" because many people (including me) associate the word "god" with something negative related to slavery, brainwashing, dehumanization of women, ignorance, obscurantism, crusades, etc. this word causes negativity. that's why I don't want to call it "god."

I understand you. But the word God existed long before that. These people who committed these barbaric acts used God as an excuse.

Older civilizations already had their gods, some coincidentally similar to the current narrative.

Others were very different. I find it interesting that one believed that God was the sun.

They were the ones who invented the sign of the cross, for example, the light that goes up and down from one side to the other every day. This was thousands of years before Christ, in the calendar.

(and of course, there was no electricity. but it makes sense since life on earth depends on the sun)

Later, the churches began to appropriate them, mixing beliefs and giving them a completely different meaning...

 

[VigilanteWithViolin]

I understand you. But the word God existed long before that. These people who committed these barbaric acts used God as an excuse.

Older civilizations already had their gods, some coincidentally similar to the current narrative.

Others were very different. I find it interesting that one believed that God was the sun.

They were the ones who invented the sign of the cross, for example, the light that goes up and down from one side to the other every day. This was thousands of years before Christ, in the calendar.

Later, the churches began to appropriate them, mixing beliefs and giving them a completely different meaning...

I understand what you're getting at, and I have something to object to, but I don't want to upset myself by talking about religion (one of my least favorite topics).
Different deities really existed long before the Abrahamic religions, which were monopolized by religions and which took a lot of symbols from the past, for example, paganism. But this whole topic is very strongly connected with the deterioration of the position of women in society (the replacement of the original goddess with god and the appropriation by men of the female ability to create). That's why I'm *really upset* about this topic and I don't want to argue about it.
In any case, I understand exactly what you mean and that you perceive not the religion that is imposed by the church, but something deeper and more spiritual, and I do not feel negative about it. I hope you understand what I mean too.

 

[KillingPain267]

However, anything seemingly complicated, even miraculous, I don't think is necessarily proof that a God exists. 'God of the gaps' as they term it.

Typical trope, sorry. What I mentioned is not even the main reason I believe in God.

Of course, you may disagree that we evolved from chimps but there's strong DNA and fossil evidence to demonstrate that we did.

Yes, I reject that, but you even got your own belief wrong: it says humans and chimps have a common ancestor, not that we evolved from the now-existing chimps.

And DNA is just blueprint for an organism, and since chimps have some similar features it stands to reason we have similar DNA. But that we then have common ancestry, that's a non-sequitur.

If you don't believe in evolution, can I give you a scenario?

Yes, Genesis chapter 1. Kind reproduces only with same kind. It cannot be crossed. There may be variations of dogs, but they all come from a proto-dog. Not a fish.

Dolphins and Whales have lungs yet, they can't survive on land.

We can't survive on top of Mount Everest or in the middle of Antarctica. Doesn't mean we evolved from fish.

I think you're far more generous towards God than I am (if there is one.) God knows you, along with millions of other people are suffering.

Because God has made me love Him. I am just a mere creature made for the pleasure and will of God. Revelation 4:11: "Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." It's very man-egoistic to think God is here to please us. Can a puppet reply back to the puppeteer why he was made? Romans 9:21: "Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?" If God has made me suffer, it's what it is. I still believe.

They're God! They kill millions, billions everyday.

To watch me kill myself, so others can learn why. Or I don't know, just for His will, as part of the script that is the video game the world is. Why do you kill characters in a video game? To progress the story maybe? I don't know, I'm not the one questioning God. I'm just a character.

Still, I suspect you'll be much better off than me if you're right and, you deserve it. I actually admire loyalty. I just can't bring myself to give it to a God that created all this. I wish your God would help you out in some way though.

I like your questions and responses. I actually credit our little discussions a few months ago to me steering more towards determinism. I no longer defend or believe in the free will argument, because I looked up if it's actually in the Bible, but it's not really there.

I am exploring simulation theory, but now, as you see, I've gone so far off the deep end, haha, that I believe the world may be a video game and the Father, Son and Holy Ghost play all of us as characters (including animals) as part of a story. I'm sure most Christians would scoff at me or outright call it blasphemy. But it kind of makes sense to explains things, mostly if someone is also a determinist rejecting free will.

Still, I suspect you'll be much better off than me if you're right and, you deserve it. I actually admire loyalty. I just can't bring myself to give it to a God that created all this. I wish your God would help you out in some way though.

Lastly, keep in mind, while me as a Christian might suffer now, we are promised an afterlife: a resurrected eternal body without pain and sorrow living on restored paradise. Sort of like Minecraft on peace mode. So yes, in the "end" all will be well for me anyway. I'm just not sure I can handle this side of eternity much longer. Also, if there is no free will, then my suicide will just be a rage-quit from the one currently playing my story.