Venting I have no choice but to live

[leavinghope]

Today, I failed my second attempt as well (if you can even call it an attempt). First I tried partial suspension just to see how long it will take to lose consciousness from carotid compression. But absolutely nothing happened. I tried to push down as much as I could and held it for 20 seconds but all I felt was an uncomfortable feeling in my neck due to it being compressed. My vision didn't fade. I didn't get light-headed. I didn't even feel the blood building up in my face. After two ''attempts", I gave up on partial suspension and decided to try full. But I realized that no matter what I do, I will either end up with my feet on the floor (which is why my first attempt failed) or I will just not be able to fit my head through the noose.
Tomorrow I have to leave for college and then I won't be able to try suicide again for a few months until I get back home. I am very frustrated and sad right now. Suicide was my only hope. I was counting on being able to hang myself before I have to leave for college but it's not gonna happen anymore. I am truly fucked. My only hope is gone. I am such a pathetic loser that I can't even hang myself successfully. I HATE LIFE SO MUCH!! FUCKKKK!!!!

 

[itsallover]

Calm down. A kid hung himself in my dorm when I was young. People hang themselves in prison with bedsheets. Ever heard of Aaron Hernandez. I have never attempted and know it takes a lot of courage to do it, so I'll give you respect for that. I don't know what you're going through, but we each not we've have had enough no matter what medical professionals, family, and friends say. I want to die because of physical pain that is also leading to emotional pain. But I am not one to judge because I know that mental pain can be just as severe if not more than physical pain. PM if you want to talk.

 

[Santiago]

I am not encouraging you killing yourself but there are a tons of methods and you could easily ctb at college aswell

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

What are you studying in college?

 

[ScaredOfLife]

Today, I failed my second attempt as well (if you can even call it an attempt). First I tried partial suspension just to see how long it will take to lose consciousness from carotid compression. But absolutely nothing happened. I tried to push down as much as I could and held it for 20 seconds but all I felt was an uncomfortable feeling in my neck due to it being compressed. My vision didn't fade. I didn't get light-headed. I didn't even feel the blood building up in my face. After two ''attempts", I gave up on partial suspension and decided to try full. But I realized that no matter what I do, I will either end up with my feet on the floor (which is why my first attempt failed) or I will just not be able to fit my head through the noose.
Tomorrow I have to leave for college and then I won't be able to try suicide again for a few months until I get back home. I am very frustrated and sad right now. Suicide was my only hope. I was counting on being able to hang myself before I have to leave for college but it's not gonna happen anymore. I am truly fucked. My only hope is gone. I am such a pathetic loser that I can't even hang myself successfully. I HATE LIFE SO MUCH!! FUCKKKK!!!!

I understand the frustration. I tried a similar method - the tourniquet method - and I failed.

Incidentally, my college years were the best years of my life. Is this your first semester of college?

 

[Luke]

Today, I failed my second attempt as well (if you can even call it an attempt). First I tried partial suspension just to see how long it will take to lose consciousness from carotid compression. But absolutely nothing happened. I tried to push down as much as I could and held it for 20 seconds but all I felt was an uncomfortable feeling in my neck due to it being compressed. My vision didn't fade. I didn't get light-headed. I didn't even feel the blood building up in my face. After two ''attempts", I gave up on partial suspension and decided to try full. But I realized that no matter what I do, I will either end up with my feet on the floor (which is why my first attempt failed) or I will just not be able to fit my head through the noose.
Tomorrow I have to leave for college and then I won't be able to try suicide again for a few months until I get back home. I am very frustrated and sad right now. Suicide was my only hope. I was counting on being able to hang myself before I have to leave for college but it's not gonna happen anymore. I am truly fucked. My only hope is gone. I am such a pathetic loser that I can't even hang myself successfully. I HATE LIFE SO MUCH!! FUCKKKK!!!!

Try to chill a bit for now.... if it was that trivial to catch the bus then forums like this wouldn't exist. Sharing your attempts and why they fail are helpful by the way so thank you for doing that. I mean the sharing part not the attempt.

 

[leavinghope]

What are you studying in college?

Computer Science Engineering

 

[leavinghope]

Is this your first semester of college?

Yes

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

Computer Science Engineering

A change in environment can do wonders for the psyche, you never know, sometimes only 1other person can make it worth it.

 

[Luke]

Computer Science Engineering

Returns to the void eg

void main()

are against the rules. You won't be allowed to do that. I find this.. kinda ironic I guess. They probably won't even tell you that technically you can indeed return to the void. And if you're seen doing it you fail the class. I don't know what's the word here.

 

[Luke]

I am not encouraging you killing yourself but there are a tons of methods and you could easily ctb at college aswell

Actually it's way too risky. A failure could mean the end of his college career.

I would NOT recommend even thinking of it in college. Worst possible idea. The school doesn't want to be associated with suicide, it's bad for business.

Do NOT attempt at school.

According to the opening post he knows this.

 

[Vvoiid]

Today, I failed my second attempt as well (if you can even call it an attempt). First I tried partial suspension just to see how long it will take to lose consciousness from carotid compression. But absolutely nothing happened. I tried to push down as much as I could and held it for 20 seconds but all I felt was an uncomfortable feeling in my neck due to it being compressed. My vision didn't fade. I didn't get light-headed. I didn't even feel the blood building up in my face. After two ''attempts", I gave up on partial suspension and decided to try full. But I realized that no matter what I do, I will either end up with my feet on the floor (which is why my first attempt failed) or I will just not be able to fit my head through the noose.
Tomorrow I have to leave for college and then I won't be able to try suicide again for a few months until I get back home. I am very frustrated and sad right now. Suicide was my only hope. I was counting on being able to hang myself before I have to leave for college but it's not gonna happen anymore. I am truly fucked. My only hope is gone. I am such a pathetic loser that I can't even hang myself successfully. I HATE LIFE SO MUCH!! FUCKKKK!!!!

I am in a very similar position. You just gotta wait. I'm not a patient person myself but we really don't have a choice.

I have advice for you though: Never ever do it in a public building.

 

[Luke]

I am in a very similar position. You just gotta wait. I'm not a patient person myself but we really don't have a choice.

I have advice for you though: Never ever do it in a public building.

+1

 

[leavinghope]

Actually it's way too risky. A failure could mean the end of his college career.

I would NOT recommend even thinking of it in college. Worst possible idea. The school doesn't want to be associated with suicide, it's bad for business.

Do NOT attempt at school.

According to the opening post he knows this.

I am in a very similar position. You just gotta wait. I'm not a patient person myself but we really don't have a choice.

I have advice for you though: Never ever do it in a public building.

There's no way I am gonna try this in college. It is risky even at my home with just my parents around.
I am thinking of ordering a rope online at my college and bringing it home with me to hang myself. There is a very good anchor point in my home but it is a bit too high and requires a longer rope than the one I currently possess.

 

[skitliv]

When I tried hanging the same thing happened to me

 

[Santiago]

Actually it's way too risky. A failure could mean the end of his college career.

I would NOT recommend even thinking of it in college. Worst possible idea. The school doesn't want to be associated with suicide, it's bad for business.

Do NOT attempt at school.

According to the opening post he knows this.

Uh? I don't really understand this to be honest.
Why would he care about his college career if he wants to die and why would he care about what's best for business?

Surely he sleeps somewhere aswell. It's not like he would be in a public place 24/7.

Once again I am not saying this guy should..gotta make that clear. I am just curious what you mean.

 

[leavinghope]

Uh? I don't really understand this to be honest.
Why would he care about his college career if he wants to die?

I obviously don't give a shit about my degree but getting kicked out of college for attempted suicide will definitely make my life much worse. If I get caught at home, my parents will scold me, cut my allowance and restrict my freedom but at least I will be able to graduate college, get a job right after, get the hell away from my parents and then try to kill myself again. But if I get caught in college, my parents will do all of the above except I won't ever get a college degree and will have to live the rest of my life trapped in my parents house.

Surely he sleeps somewhere aswell. It's not like he would be in a public place 24/7.

I will have to live with a roommate in hostel. I won't get much time alone.

 

[Santiago]

How does not getting a college degree equal having to stay at your parents for the rest of your life?

Also I go to university myself and also have a roommate and I am alone a lot. It's not like you will be together 24/7. Your roommate will likely have things to do aswell.

Are you under 18?

 

[leavinghope]

How does not getting a college degree equal having to stay at your parents for the rest of your life?

Also I go to university myself and also have a roommate and I am alone a lot. It's not like you will be together 24/7. Your roommate will likely have things to do aswell.

Are you under 18?

In my country if you don't have a college degree, it is pretty much impossible to get a job. No job = Live with parents or go homeless.

Even if I get some time alone, I won't try suicide because it is too risky and consequences of failure are too harsh.

I am above 18.

 

[Santiago]

I mean I would be lying if I said I understand your way of thinking but I don't feel like arguing about it either.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do and good luck at college man!

 

[Threads]

Failing at suicide doesn't make you a failure or a coward.

Relax, you've got the rest of your life to continue attempting. Eventually, you're bound to get it right. Shit takes time. No one here said it was easy.

 

[Lara Francis]

Just highlights how life sucks right up to the moment you die.