I have no balls

[- V -]

I have no balls. I tried at the moment, partial, and I panicked, and ended up taking myself off the rope. I'm just shit.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You aren't, but I can commiserate with your frustration. That method in particular seems to really activate your SI. You have to really be able to commit.

 

[SamTam33]

Posters are too hard on themselves when they don't follow through.

Not to sound like a broken record, but just chalk it up to practice.

When you've had enough, you will find a way to leave.

That's what I keep telling myself. It's literally the only thing I believe in right now.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's perfectly natural to be scared. You're just human I'm afraid. You're braver than me. I doubt I would have even gotten that far.

 

[- V -]

So is that the SI ? In reality I want full, but I don't know, I tried partial because that's all I've practiced for the moment. To see, maybe. Hoping that's enough. But no. I fucked my knees, pacing, sliding against the steps of the stairs. Waaa the panic that I took, I'm not well.

 

[redhousepainters]

It's alright. Don't be too hard on yourself. SI is not the easiest of things to get through.

 

[- V -]

I'm starting to envy those who have access to SN or N. The lucky ones, lol. I'm afraid to start again, yet I want to.

You aren't, but I can commiserate with your frustration. That method in particular seems to really activate your SI. You have to really be able to commit.

Posters are too hard on themselves when they don't follow through.

Not to sound like a broken record, but just chalk it up to practice.

When you've had enough, you will find a way to leave.

That's what I keep telling myself. It's literally the only thing I believe in right now.

I think it's perfectly natural to be scared. You're just human I'm afraid. You're braver than me. I doubt I would have even gotten that far.

It's alright. Don't be too hard on yourself. SI is not the easiest of things to get through.

Thank you for your messages, I don't know what to tell you, but thank you
@LaVieEnRose j'adore ton nom. Elle l'était jusqu'ici

 

[NeverEndingPain]

I have no balls. I tried at the moment, partial, and I panicked, and ended up taking myself off the rope. I'm just shit.

Can I ask what your set up was for partial?
I've made a post asking a question about hanging but no one is replying
I have backed out many times too

 

[- V -]

Puis-je vous demander quelle était votre configuration pour partiel?
J'ai fait un post posant une question sur la pendaison mais personne ne répond
J'ai aussi reculé plusieurs fois

View attachment 102495

Penché en avant et en bas ( dans cette direction ) Puis, paniqué, j'ai pris des mesures, sur place, en glissant. Avec sweat-shirt et capuche sur la tête. Je ne ressentais que de l'inconfort et de la douleur. Peut-être que je ne suis pas allé assez fort, ce que je crois.

 

[NeverEndingPain]

View attachment 102495

Penché en avant et en bas ( dans cette direction ) Puis, paniqué, j'ai pris des mesures, sur place, en glissant. Avec sweat-shirt et capuche sur la tête. Je ne ressentais que de l'inconfort et de la douleur. Peut-être que je ne suis pas allé assez fort, ce que je crois.

I only speak English. I can't I understand what you wrote

 

[- V -]

Oh wait, 30 sec, my bad

I only speak English. I can't I understand what you wrote

I only speak English. I can't I understand what you wrote

Leaning forward and down (in that direction) Then, panicked, I took action, on the spot, sliding. With sweatshirt and hood on the head. I only felt discomfort and pain. Maybe I didn't go hard enough, which I believe.


the place is perfect for full. I don't know why it wasn't done, we all have an answer for that (no balls for me), I guess.

 

[NeverEndingPain]

Oh wait, 30 sec, my bad


Leaning forward and down (in that direction) Then, panicked, I took action, on the spot, sliding. With sweatshirt and hood on the head. I only felt discomfort and pain. Maybe I didn't go hard enough, which I believe.


the place is perfect for full. I don't know why it wasn't done, we all have an answer for that (no balls for me), I guess.

Why is there a bag on the stairs in your picture?

 

[pacificghost]

I also opted for the partial, this morning I bought an 8mm rope I made a simple sliding knot and the other end I put it without a particular knot because it was just a test to see if it was the point immediately below the jaw exact to tighten. I think so because I was able to breathe very well if I remember correctly with my mouth and I felt numbness in my face as if it was swelling

 

[- V -]

Why is there a bag on the stairs in your picture?

For cleanliness. If I can make it easier for those who pick up my shit, I might as well.

 

[NeverEndingPain]

For cleanliness. If I can make it easier for those who pick up my shit, I might as well.

Oh ok. Thank you for replying. I thought maybe the bag was there to help you slip off the step to hang but good idea for cleanup

 

[- V -]

Ah d'accord. Merci d'avoir répondu. Je pensais que le sac était peut-être là pour vous aider à glisser de l'étape à accrocher, mais bonne idée pour le nettoyage

oh, he made me slip anyway, and I bumped my knees against the stairs when, (SI probably) or panic broke out. I dare not try again, even full. It traumatized me. I no longer dare, I no longer know what to do

 

[FuneralCry]

At least to me hanging certainly sounds like such a difficult method to actually go through with as there is the fact that we have to overcome the instinct to survive and it's like the SI exists just to prolong our suffering and of course there is the fact as well that the hanging method involves potential risks which terrifies me.
It makes hanging sound so much easier when you hear of all these people managing to go through with it, I so envy them and their courage but I also particularly and especially envy those with a peaceful and reliable method.

Those with N really are the luckiest people that exist to me as they can just peacefully pass away without having to suffer in the process of dying. But sadly such an ideal and desirable exit doesn't seem to be the reality for so many of us and this fact is tragic. Your frustrations are understandable and we really shouldn't have to struggle to such an extreme extent to finally leave this world but I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[- V -]

At least to me hanging certainly sounds like such a difficult method to actually go through with as there is the fact that we have to overcome the instinct to survive and it's like the SI exists just to prolong our suffering and of course there is the fact as well that the hanging method involves potential risks which terrifies me.
It makes hanging sound so much easier when you hear of all these people managing to go through with it, I so envy them and their courage but I also particularly and especially envy those with a peaceful and reliable method.

Those with N really are the luckiest people that exist to me as they can just peacefully pass away without having to suffer in the process of dying. But sadly such an ideal and desirable exit doesn't seem to be the reality for so many of us and this fact is tragic. Your frustrations are understandable and we really shouldn't have to struggle to such an extreme extent to finally leave this world but I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

I totally agree with everything you say.
If only I could have the same peace, if only I could have N or SN...

 

[locked*n*loaded]

So is that the SI ? In reality I want full, but I don't know, I tried partial because that's all I've practiced for the moment. To see, maybe. Hoping that's enough. But no. I fucked my knees, pacing, sliding against the steps of the stairs. Waaa the panic that I took, I'm not well.

If I were to be honest, I'd say you're just not ready to go. That's different than wanting to go. Somewhere in you, maybe in the back of your mind, maybe in your subconscious, you still have a glimmer of hope that burns, believing that things can still get better. If that is so, there really isn't anything that you can do to make it go away. You have to just ride it out and continue living as best you can. I don't wish this on you, but by continued living, you may have some more bad experiences that happen to you that will "kill" that little bit of hope, a little more each time, until it becomes fully extinguished.

 

[- V -]

If I were to be honest, I'd say you're just not ready to go. That's different than wanting to go. Somewhere in you, maybe in the back of your mind, maybe in your subconscious, you still have a glimmer of hope that burns, believing that things can still get better. If that is so, there really isn't anything that you can do to make it go away. You have to just ride it out and continue living as best you can. I don't wish this on you, but by continued living, you may have some more bad experiences that happen to you that will "kill" that little bit of hope, a little more each time, until it becomes fully extinguished.

I fully understand what you are saying. Also to be honest I'd say you're right, I feel like that could be what happened.

 

[sunsetting]

Not, you just picked a method that your SI can overcome with ease if you're not ready as it was said above. You can either wait until the right mood sets in, as in, you will be fully committed to do it or you can pick something like jumping from a high place since there's no turning back after jumping as opposed to hanging. Even something easy to execute like N could be a rather hard task since it's so easy to postpone it indefinitely if you're slightly not ready to do it.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I fully understand what you are saying. Also to be honest I'd say you're right, I feel like that could be what happened.

Maybe you'll have to hang for a while and suffer with a few of the rest of us. We're not that bad, really. I plan on going, too, just not quite, yet. I'm miserable every freaking day. About that hope thing - it sorts of leaves when it's good and ready to leave.

 

[wait.what]

Guilt can make you lose your nerve too. I don't want my family to suffer, or to hate me when I've gone. I know that none of this will bother me once I'm dead, but that doesn't change the fact that it bothers me now.

 

[didn't-it-rain]

Is it really so simple as "if you can't overcome SI, then you're not ready," though? I mean, it's called instinct for a reason yeah? I would assume this is why folks seem to opt for methods which are more instantaneous, leaves them less time to ruminate over the decision - especially because it seems like (the research indicates anyway) that many people tend to ctb during acute states

 

[theboy]

dont worry
not easy doing CTB
is the f**** SI

 

[zeenatax]

Tried partial two times but very difficult to execute. It wasn't easy so I gave up on the method. Also it seems painful.