Discussion I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (AMA)

[NormallyNeurotic]

Once someone recognizes their codependent patterns and actively tries to change them, or accepts them as part of their identity, do you think it's possible to coexist with a self-aware narcissist in a way that works for both, within any kind of relationship? Or is a narcissist ultimately never capable of that?

Well I'm in love with a guy so I sure hope so

All jokes aside, I know plenty of narcissists in very loving relationships. NPD ultimately is a trauma response, and implying that in any way a traumatized person is "incapable of loving/being loved safely" is kinda problematic, though I know that's not what you're saying (some people do in fact say that unfortunately).

Really, a lot of the arguments for narcissists being able to be in relationships apply to traumatized people in general.

As long as boundaries are stated, no one becomes over-responsible for eachother's feelings (helping and taking care of them is okay as long as it is pre-discussed, this is true in any relationship with a disabled person), and partners find life fulfillment/support NOT ONLY in the relationship (for example, a narcissist relying on only the admiration of their partner could make both people feel isolated, so there needs to be multiple "streams" of support), then it's just... a realistic relationship.

The struggles a narcissist may have in a relationship aren't NPD exclusive.

Some autistic people struggle with thinking about their partner's varying needs when performing routine.

Both borderlines and dependants can form strong bonds that must be managed so as not to take over their life

Plenty of abuse victims in general may struggle with self worth.

Those who experienced a cheating partner may have paranoid anxieties.

Those with time-blindness from ADHD, dissociation, or otherwise, may struggle with properly reciprocating and "upkeeping" the relationship, seeing it as a state of being instead of a bond between two people that has to be kept strong.

Disabilities and neurodivergencies of all types can make love "difficult," but I'd argue that love is too "stereotyped" to begin with. Loving differently is completely fine as long as no one is being hurt. There is no one way to be "healthy."

 

[LittleSunshine]

Well I'm in love with a guy so I sure hope so

All jokes aside, I know plenty of narcissists in very loving relationships. NPD ultimately is a trauma response, and implying that in any way a traumatized person is "incapable of loving/being loved safely" is kinda problematic, though I know that's not what you're saying (some people do in fact say that unfortunately).

Really, a lot of the arguments for narcissists being able to be in relationships apply to traumatized people in general.

As long as boundaries are stated, no one becomes over-responsible for eachother's feelings (helping and taking care of them is okay as long as it is pre-discussed, this is true in any relationship with a disabled person), and partners find life fulfillment/support NOT ONLY in the relationship (for example, a narcissist relying on only the admiration of their partner could make both people feel isolated, so there needs to be multiple "streams" of support), then it's just... a realistic relationship.

The struggles a narcissist may have in a relationship aren't NPD exclusive.

Some autistic people struggle with thinking about their partner's varying needs when performing routine.

Both borderlines and dependants can form strong bonds that must be managed so as not to take over their life

Plenty of abuse victims in general may struggle with self worth.

Those who experienced a cheating partner may have paranoid anxieties.

Those with time-blindness from ADHD, dissociation, or otherwise, may struggle with properly reciprocating and "upkeeping" the relationship, seeing it as a state of being instead of a bond between two people that has to be kept strong.

Disabilities and neurodivergencies of all types can make love "difficult," but I'd argue that love is too "stereotyped" to begin with. Loving differently is completely fine as long as no one is being hurt. There is no one way to be "healthy."

Thank you for taking the time to explain this so clearly and honestly, I truly appreciate the openness behind it. I find myself agreeing with what you said.

Creating space for people with NPD and related disorders to speak in their own voices feels essential, not only to counter harmful pop-psychology narratives, but also to foster more understanding, nuance, and compassion. Please keep spreading your knowledge, it's crucial!