Venting I have lived a full life too young.

[maakies]

I am planning on SN, benadryl, xanax. Hope that is enough. I'm still waiting for the SN to come in.

I have lived a full life too young. I am about to turn 28 this month. I don't really see any point on continuing. I thought maybe I would make something worthwhile before I passed. Doesn't seem like that's the case.

 

[subj]

What do u consider worthwhile?

 

[whywere]

I NEVER EVER judge anyone, anything, never and with that said I am of the same thinking as @subj as what is worthwhile? I am 65. reference point only for this post and NOT EVER giving you a hard time, just trying to understand, that I have had so many ups, downs and arounds in this life that I have questioned things on occasion but have always learned from said such and moved on. I had an awesome position for 29.5 years and was laid off because of the darn Covid virus and I am looking for something new to do, have to keep my mind busy, and it, for me, is just another small bump in this existence.

I wish you all the happiness and hope that you can find and hold onto a spark that will lead you to a new venture in this life, as I really care about you a lot and only want the best for you, as I consider you a good friend here on SS and want the very best for you.

Please do not get mad at me as I am trying to understand and want only great things for you. You deserve lots of hugs, love and beautiful blue sunny skies with a tropical breeze.

All my best to you,

Walter

 

[again_noidea]

I am planning on SN, benadryl, xanax. Hope that is enough. I'm still waiting for the SN to come in.

I have lived a full life too young. I am about to turn 28 this month. I don't really see any point on continuing. I thought maybe I would make something worthwhile before I passed. Doesn't seem like that's the case.

i know that feeling. i have it now for about 20 years. this shit must change or end.

 

[Death is beautiful]

I'm pretty young too and I can't imagine what it's like to live for a few more decades, no, I'll kill myself before I get old

 

[Ligottian]

I've lived an empty life too long.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans. I have certainly not lived a full life, but I understand the feelings of seeing no point to continuing your life. I do not want to put up with this life for decades, the life expectancy is too long.

 

[maakies]

I NEVER EVER judge anyone, anything, never and with that said I am of the same thinking as @subj as what is worthwhile? I am 65. reference point only for this post and NOT EVER giving you a hard time, just trying to understand, that I have had so many ups, downs and arounds in this life that I have questioned things on occasion but have always learned from said such and moved on. I had an awesome position for 29.5 years and was laid off because of the darn Covid virus and I am looking for something new to do, have to keep my mind busy, and it, for me, is just another small bump in this existence.

I wish you all the happiness and hope that you can find and hold onto a spark that will lead you to a new venture in this life, as I really care about you a lot and only want the best for you, as I consider you a good friend here on SS and want the very best for you.

Please do not get mad at me as I am trying to understand and want only great things for you. You deserve lots of hugs, love and beautiful blue sunny skies with a tropical breeze.

All my best to you,

Walter

I have travelled. I work in a field that people would kill to work in, in a sunny warm place. My family is from a tropical island that I would rather not live on. I don't really care about it. Not really into hugs. I'm not mad at you. I don't want what most people desire.
I do not believe everyone will attain happiness. And that is not my goal in life.

I have little will for labor and creation unlike most everyone in my peer group. I have no interest in finding a job. That causes me to become a leech on those around me. My existence is wholly dependent on my partner and family being upset if I were gone. Worthwhile to me is leaving some concrete form of history behind - media or academic.

I got into a fight with my partner one night earlier last month about it. It was at a friend's dinner party full of writers, musicians, artists, local politicians. Older than I am, mostly. 30s through 50s. Catered by a Japanese restaurant. The house overlooked the entire city and I had bought a couple bottles of natural wine for the host. It was their birthday. We're standing over a balcony overlooking the whole city. I turned to my partner and said, "I don't know if I can do this anymore." Immediately, he's thrown into stress and says, "I don't think I can keep doing this if you're going to be suicidal again." I said, "That's fine, I don't expect you to." He immediately retracted. And I never brought it up again. I wish he didn't. I almost felt relief. But I feel like I am close. That's why I bought SN.

This is pretty much the boat I'm in: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hu_Bo

 

[Rational man]

I am planning on SN, benadryl, xanax. Hope that is enough. I'm still waiting for the SN to come in.

I have lived a full life too young. I am about to turn 28 this month. I don't really see any point on continuing. I thought maybe I would make something worthwhile before I passed. Doesn't seem like that's the case.

its good to live a full life because we dont know what tomorrow will bring.

 

[maakies]

its good to live a full life because we dont know what tomorrow will bring.

I agree.

i know that feeling. i have it now for about 20 years. this shit must change or end.

It is very exhausting. I don't want to do anything anymore. Love, sex, beauty, connections, success, money. It's all boring and nothing to me anymore. I'd rather not continue. Mostly, I just sleep all day. I definitely can't continue this with my partner.

 

[Faraknur]

I get you. I researched everything i want. I engrossed myself in philosophy, physics and metaphysics, sociology, finance and everything to do with sex.
I am a great dungeonmaster where i poured countless hours into. With making my own maps, storylines etc. I watched an ungodly amount of movies, tv shows, anime, cartoons and read i think close to 500 books. I even played world of warcraft as a healer on a high level. I had sex with alot of girls. Had a few girlfriends. Am the king of a moshpit and so on. I traveled to america, africa, and most of europe. I can cook pretty well and am good with tools an build myself alot of things. I even made my own mead a couple of times. The only thing i have not done really is playing an instrument. Well not true actually but i only know the basics of guitar and i play the didge.
I helped alot of people in dire straits and gave my knowledge freely. I also did sports alot. Swimming, handball and running mostly. I even competed in a few races although there are some real freaks that only live for running i cant compete with.
What else is there to do? Really what else? I lived more lived more in a year than a farmer lived in the middle ages lived his whole life.
I am tired. I really am
And also about to be 28
Also i did most drugs atleast once. Except cocaine and heroin. That shit scares me

 

[Jojo81]

I get you. I researched everything i want. I engrossed myself in philosophy, physics and metaphysics, sociology, finance and everything to do with sex.
I am a great dungeonmaster where i poured countless hours into. With making my own maps, storylines etc. I watched an ungodly amount of movies, tv shows, anime, cartoons and read i think close to 500 books. I even played world of warcraft as a healer on a high level. I had sex with alot of girls. Had a few girlfriends. Am the king of a moshpit and so on. I traveled to america, africa, and most of europe. I can cook pretty well and am good with tools an build myself alot of things. I even made my own mead a couple of times. The only thing i have not done really is playing an instrument. Well not true actually but i only know the basics of guitar and i play the didge.
I helped alot of people in dire straits and gave my knowledge freely. I also did sports alot. Swimming, handball and running mostly. I even competed in a few races although there are some real freaks that only live for running i cant compete with.
What else is there to do? Really what else? I lived more lived more in a year than a farmer lived in the middle ages lived his whole life.
I am tired. I really am
And also about to be 28
Also i did most drugs atleast once. Except cocaine and heroin. That shit scares me

I also feel the same.. I had a great life till 3 years ago... I have now fallen from great heights... Am actually Happy to check out now... But the thoughts of hurting my family is keeping me alive.

 

[Faraknur]

Yeah my mum has Stage 4 cancer now. I think i will ctb when she dies. Cant die that to her now