I have do a lot at the prime age of 25 but I still want to die

[FireFox]

I turned 26 a couple of minutes ago despite everything that has happened this year at the prime age of 25 I have done so much with my life and I am so proud of myself but still it's not enough to make me want to live.

At 25 years old I spent autumn in Venice and it was the best autumn ever with everyday being an adventure. I never felt so happy and alive. Weeks later I ended up in a higher salary job than my previous when I came back to the UK. I had the most magical Christmas ever. I brought over 20 presents for my grandmother, mother and sister with my work salary.

When I was younger I always wanted to live and work in another country. In January this year I was living and working in Zambia as a digtal nomad enjoying the warm weather and free from the British cold. By day I was working remotely and night time I was stargazing. Weekends I had roadtrips across the country. I went to a game park resort and it was so fun being driven around a game park seeing the animals. Most people will never experience that. The only thing I hated about staying Zambia was seeing my awful toxic relatives. I loved the pandemic because the travel ban meant no longer seeing them anymore.

I still want to die and I plan to kill myself in my 30s. I really wanted to live, overcome all my anxieties, find a man who loves me for me and be happy but that won't happen for me. I don't want to see another a decade anymore.

I have struggled to fit in all my life and never belonged. My immediate family yes love me but they don't understand me at all it can be frustrating at times especially as they refuse to listen. I am too different from my family and my relatives are terrible people. I am now more isolated than ever because the people I grew up are getting married and have stable careers then I have failed to have my life together. The pressure to have it together before 30 feels too much and hence why I want to die at 30

 

[Rocinante]

Happy birthday
It seems like you've already accomplished many things in your life others could only dream of. And yes, the pressure of not being where your peers are at is brutal(career, relationship, family)

 

[FireFox]

Happy birthday
It seems like you've already accomplished many things in your life others could only dream of. And yes, the pressure of not being where your peers are at is brutal(career, relationship, family)

@Rocinante Thanks I always thought when I reach my 20s I will not be single. Its so embrassing I am still a virgin at 26 and never had a boyfriend. When I was a teenager and in my early 20s experiencing friends no longer hanging out with me once they have boyfriends has made feel like everyone else was growing up except me.

I can not cope with male rejection so the hurt and pain just keeps building and building. My own father rejecting me makes me feel so inadequate never enough and sometimes I think there is something wrong with me because I was the child that got rejected. My father walked out on us and he stared a new family with another woman these people lived in the same city and the neighbourhood was in the same city borough I grew up in.

When I love a man I fall so deeply in love and I feel its all or nothing. I do get clingy because I am scared of the man leaving me. When a man rejects me it feels like the end of the world and I will never find anyone. All my life I had these feelings

My family never ever taught me how to deal with male rejection. My family believe in bullshit called "everything happens for a reason" and always used the pharse whenever I got upset about anything going wrong in life. All the pain I felt from male rejection these feelings never stop tormenting me. In adulthood it was finally become unbearable.

 

[Slipkorn]

If you wait one more year you can join the 27 club.

 

[LittleJem]

Hi OP, I had two female friends get married and have kids at the age of 40. Both of whom were virgins. I do think 25 is too young to give up for this reason….

 

[UsagiDrop]

Happy Birthday! I agree that the pressure does suck, but I'm glad that you're feeling proud of yourself for those accomplishments— you definitely should be. If I had lived the last year you had, I probably wouldn't want to die as much as I do, haha. But ironically, at twenty-five, I only have a relationship and I want to ctb because I don't have a career,
a degree or much else going for me like all of my peers do. Almost makes me ask if you want to switch lives for like a day.

I'm not saying to hold off on your plans, but a lot of things can happen in four years. If it's okay to ask, do you think if you find a partner by 30, you won't feel the same as you do now about not wanting to see another decade? Or are there more things that you feel make up having your life together? Do you have a list of things that you wanted to accomplish by 30?

 

[FireFox]

If you wait one more year you can join the 27 club.

@Slipkorn As a teenager I used to think dying young is so cool. Actually when I was a teenager Amy Winehouse died at 27. I just lived how when you die all the bad things you have done get forgotten and everyone writes nice tributes about you.

I think its cool dying young you live your life having all this fun and then you leave this awful world. Life gets shitty after 30+ anyway. My biggest fear as a teenager was growing up to be boring like the older people around me even in my 20s I am terrified of growing up to be a boring person. All my jobs have been WFH and it has intensified these feelings by a million.

I really don't want to be like these people who WFH from everyday In their pjs, watching the Netflix between work and then have the weekend to look to forward too. Every teams meeting with my work colleagues was about the football game they watched over the weekend even the women work colleagues would join in the football discussions. I am someone who loves being outdoors, exploring and having deep discussions on world issues and philosophical stuff.

People around me think WFH is so awesome whereas I can not love it the way they do. I have tried but I just can't. I can work independently but I like having people to talk too. WFH I just feel so trapped.

 

[mypersonalhell]

@Slipkorn As a teenager I used to think dying young is so cool. Actually when I was a teenager Amy Winehouse died at 27. I just lived how when you die all the bad things you have done get forgotten and everyone writes nice tributes about you.

I think its cool dying young you live your life having all this fun and then you leave this awful world. Life gets shitty after 30+ anyway. My biggest fear as a teenager was growing up to be boring like the older people around me even in my 20s I am terrified of growing up to be a boring person. All my jobs have been WFH and it has intensified these feelings by a million.

I really don't want to be like these people who WFH from everyday In their pjs, watching the Netflix between work and then have the weekend to look to forward too. Every teams meeting with my work colleagues was about the football game they watched over the weekend even the women work colleagues would join in the football discussions. I am someone who loves being outdoors, exploring and having deep discussions on world issues and philosophical stuff.

People around me think WFH is so awesome whereas I can not love it the way they do. I have tried but I just can't. I can work independently but I like having people to talk too. WFH I just feel so trapped.

I guess that has more to do with the field you are in then wfh. At least from my experience at wfh it are often discussions about world issues, politics, etc..

You prefer working in an office over wfh or digital nomad style?

Either way sounds like you made lots of progress from your last getting fired thread, keep up the good work.

 

[FireFox]

Happy Birthday! I agree that the pressure does suck, but I'm glad that you're feeling proud of yourself for those accomplishments— you definitely should be. If I had lived the last year you had, I probably wouldn't want to die as much as I do, haha. But ironically, at twenty-five, I only have a relationship and I want to ctb because I don't have a career,
a degree or much else going for me like all of my peers do. Almost makes me ask if you want to switch lives for like a day.

I'm not saying to hold off on your plans, but a lot of things can happen in four years. If it's okay to ask, do you think if you find a partner by 30, you won't feel the same as you do now about not wanting to see another decade? Or are there more things that you feel make up having your life together? Do you have a list of things that you wanted to accomplish by 30?

@UsagiDrop Thanks

You can go to university at any age. When I went to university I met older students in my class and other classes. There people who end up starting university later on life because they had things happen in their lives ie having children too young , illness or they weren't sure what they wanted in life. Once they felt ready they decided to go to university.

I know young people who have dropped out of university, changed courses or failed a particular year which caused them to complete a degree much later than compared to their peers.

At 25 I also got fired this year and this was my first ever full time job. I am so embrassed. I worry when I reach 30 no man will want me and everyone is taken.

 

[UsagiDrop]

You can go to university at any age.

This is true. When I was in school, I also met a few people who were older but were trying to get their degrees, for whatever reason. I admire them and by now they have all graduated. I guess if I recover and feel especially motivated I could go back to school later on in life, but I think there's a possibility that it could be too late for me for several reasons. My experience in university was kind of traumatizing anyway, haha.

At 25 I also got fired this year and this was my first ever full time job. I am so embrassed.

I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm happy that you had the experience at all. I understand being embarrassed because I've been there before. I had a really good paying job and then I fucked it up in literally two weeks. I left that whole profession all together… And then I just moved very far away shortly after that lol, that's how embarrassed I was.

I worry when I reach 30 no man will want me and everyone is taken.

I doubt that, but I understand the fear. Just like school, I think you can find and start a relationship at any age and time. Both of those things just get a little harder as we get older, I guess. :')

Good luck either way. I think you deserve the good things that you want and I hope you can experience them before you're thirty.

 

[FireFox]

I guess that has more to do with the field you are in then wfh. At least from my experience at wfh it are often discussions about world issues, politics, etc..

You prefer working in an office over wfh or digital nomad style?

Either way sounds like you made lots of progress from your last getting fired thread, keep up the good work.

@mypersonalhell Digtal nomad is amazing and I got more work done but never again will I ask to work remotely. I satisfied the company's criteria to be allowed to remote work aboard. I was entitled to remote work aboard. In February my boss criticised me for remote working aboard in January. He gave me so much shit over it. The sole fact i was remote working aboard in January he did not like it. He so upset oh my god. He even got the name of country I was working in wrong yep.

The man was so fucking jealous and petulant. At the time I was remote working in Zambia the UK was having freezing cold weather and it was snowing. My boss hates snow weather he is open about his dislike of snow.

In meeting he said the following days before getting fired :

" you bring absolutely nothing to my department and have brought problems to my team since you came here . First the incident with the customer then you are working aboard" He kept complaining even the day I got fired he brought up the remote working again.

I will never ever again ask for remote working aboard because my boss used it against me.

Pre pandemic I never worked in an office and post pandemic all my jobs have been WFH as employers are now expanding WFH in my country and advertising more jobs as WFH. This is not how I imagined post university life to be working from my living room. The older generation tell me i am "lucky" these people don't understand how WFH can be pure hell if you are in your 20s and single and just starting to enter the workforce

I hate WFH because I have no space at home and my home is not designed for home working, if I lived in a bigger house WFH wouldn't be an issue. I feel trapped in my own home because my living room is where I watch TV, eat and sometimes sleep on the sofa and now it's a workstation.

If I could choose I will take the office because I like change of scenery and moving around a lot.

Months later after getting fired it publicly came out the department was poorly run and it was all happening under my boss leadership. He blamed me for the all the problems in the department which he failed to run properly. I am glad it came out and my former workplace got the public shame which they deserved.

This is true. When I was in school, I also met a few people who were older but were trying to get their degrees, for whatever reason. I admire them and by now they have all graduated. I guess if I recover and feel especially motivated I could go back to school later on in life, but I think there's a possibility that it could be too late for me for several reasons. My experience in university was kind of traumatizing anyway, haha.

I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm happy that you had the experience at all. I understand being embarrassed because I've been there before. I had a really good paying job and then I fucked it up in literally two weeks. I left that whole profession all together… And then I just moved very far away shortly after that lol, that's how embarrassed I was.

I doubt that, but I understand the fear. Just like school, I think you can find and start a relationship at any age and time. Both of those things just get a little harder as we get older, I guess. :')

Good luck either way. I think you deserve the good things that you want and I hope you can experience them before you're thirty.

@UsagiDrop I loved the pay but it was not a great place to work, it was toxic. I worked in a complaint handling department for a housing association. The clients/residents SOME of them were extremely difficult people and entitled arseholes, management did not like it when I stood up for myself against arsehole client taking the fucking piss and my work colleague were shitty people who made my final days at work pure hell.

Before I got fired my boss blamed me for bringing the problems in the department and he brutally criticised me for being a bad employee, my immaturity and all my workplace mistakes. Many Weeks later after getting fired the department I worked in was involved in a public scandal which got reported in the press. An investigation was carried out by the housing Ombudsman into the department and it found the complaint handling process by the department has a serious of failings and the residents are suffering as a result of the poor service offered. The report exposes the housing association maladministration and poor practices done by employees in the department.

The investigation was carried out by the housing Ombudsman because the residents kept going public on about the poor service offered by housing association and its the role for Ombudsman to look into this. The residents regularly left 1 star reviews on trustpilot exposing the poor service they have received, other residents have gone to their elected MPs and councillors and also the media too. My department even had a media team to respond to the residents going to the media.

Seeing the news coverage of the scandal felt like justice. Justice for me getting blamed for everything. My boss blamed me because he couldn't run his department properly. I am glad my former workplace has to live with thd public shame.

I dont feel sorry for my work colleagues overall. The way the senior management and my colleagues have treated me i can't feel sorry for them. They deserve they everything get

 

[Forever Sleep]

I used to think like this- that I had to have my life together by this age- or, this age. 28 was the big one for me- I thought I should have my shit together by then- and I hadn't. I'm 43 now.

Long story short- I've done some of the stuff that I thought would make me feel grown-up. I moved hundreds of miles across the country for a Head of Department job. I moved into a house to try and establish roots. I hated the job though- so went freelance. Ended up moving across the country again for another Head of Department job which I also eventually started to dislike. Back to freelance now. Thing is- while it made me feel more respectable and obviously- the steady income was more secure- those jobs didn't make me happy. They made me stressed and anxious.

I don't have a partner or children but I look at friends with both and I'm REALLY not envious. They're rushed off their feet. I'm just not convinced that doing the stuff we're supposed to do necessarily makes us happy.

That's what I would say- for what it's worth- follow what makes you happy- not what society or your family expects of you. If you do want to find love- then, I hope you do. Didn't you say you were starting uni soon? That's bound to open up new opportunities. Maybe you will still want to CTB by 30. Mabe you'll always have ideation. I have for 33 years. Still, maybe things are going to start getting better for you- I really hope so- fingers crossed.

 

[mypersonalhell]

@mypersonalhell Digtal nomad is amazing and I got more work done but never again will I ask to work remotely. I satisfied the company's criteria to be allowed to remote work aboard. I was entitled to remote work aboard. In February my boss criticised me for remote working aboard in January. He gave me so much shit over it. The sole fact i was remote working aboard in January he did not like it. He so upset oh my god. He even got the name of country I was working in wrong yep.

The man was so fucking jealous and petulant. At the time I was remote working in Zambia the UK was having freezing cold weather and it was snowing. My boss hates snow weather he is open about his dislike of snow.

In meeting he said the following days before getting fired :

" you bring absolutely nothing to my department and have brought problems to my team since you came here . First the incident with the customer then you are working aboard" He kept complaining even the day I got fired he brought up the remote working again.

I will never ever again ask for remote working aboard because my boss used it against me.

Pre pandemic I never worked in an office and post pandemic all my jobs have been WFH as employers are now expanding WFH in my country and advertising more jobs as WFH. This is not how I imagined post university life to be working from my living room. The older generation tell me i am "lucky" these people don't understand how WFH can be pure hell if you are in your 20s and single and just starting to enter the workforce

I hate WFH because I have no space at home and my home is not designed for home working, if I lived in a bigger house WFH wouldn't be an issue. I feel trapped in my own home because my living room is where I watch TV, eat and sometimes sleep on the sofa and now it's a workstation.

If I could choose I will take the office because I like change of scenery and moving around a lot.

Months later after getting fired it publicly came out the department was poorly run and it was all happening under my boss leadership. He blamed me for the all the problems in the department which he failed to run properly. I am glad it came out and my former workplace got the public shame which they deserved.

@UsagiDrop I loved the pay but it was not a great place to work, it was toxic. I worked in a complaint handling department for a housing association. The clients/residents SOME of them were extremely difficult people and entitled arseholes, management did not like it when I stood up for myself against arsehole client taking the fucking piss and my work colleague were shitty people who made my final days at work pure hell.

Before I got fired my boss blamed me for bringing the problems in the department and he brutally criticised me for being a bad employee, my immaturity and all my workplace mistakes. Many Weeks later after getting fired the department I worked in was involved in a public scandal which got reported in the press. An investigation was carried out by the housing Ombudsman into the department and it found the complaint handling process by the department has a serious of failings and the residents are suffering as a result of the poor service offered. The report exposes the housing association maladministration and poor practices done by employees in the department.

The investigation was carried out by the housing Ombudsman because the residents kept going public on about the poor service offered by housing association and its the role for Ombudsman to look into this. The residents regularly left 1 star reviews on trustpilot exposing the poor service they have received, other residents have gone to their elected MPs and councillors and also the media too. My department even had a media team to respond to the residents going to the media.

Seeing the news coverage of the scandal felt like justice. Justice for me getting blamed for everything. My boss blamed me because he couldn't run his department properly. I am glad my former workplace has to live with thd public shame.

I dont feel sorry for my work colleagues overall. The way the senior management and my colleagues have treated me i can't feel sorry for them. They deserve they everything get

This seems more like a problem with the company then remote working.

Pretty strange to set criteria for remote work and then being pissed off if people use it, boomer mindset.

However tbh I think you would have been fired either way, the boss already felt the heat around the corner (from running the department and company poorly) and needed a fall guy/girl for it. He chose you because you were new likely.

But I understand your view on wfh, as I am the same age (also wfh). If you want to talk or vent/rant feel free to pm me.

 

[FireFox]

This seems more like a problem with the company then remote working.

Pretty strange to set criteria for remote work and then being pissed off if people use it, boomer mindset.

However tbh I think you would have been fired either way, the boss already felt the heat around the corner (from running the department and company poorly) and needed a fall guy/girl for it. He chose you because you were new likely.

But I understand your view on wfh, as I am the same age (also wfh). If you want to talk or vent/rant feel free to pm me.

@mypersonalhell It gets even more better my former workplace is now involved in another scandal made public and I am loving this. The news came out a couple of days ago.

My previous workplace has been subject to ongoing multiple investigations by the housing Ombudsman due to more complaints from residents. The Ombudsman opened another new investigation into the department and company. Before I left the company it was in the process of undergoing a merger with another large housing corporation.

The new investigation found in the months leading up to the merger my department handed poorly a housing case involving a disabled vulnerable resident with asthma. The house had serious issues with damp and mould. The resident raised her concerns with the housing corporation about the growing mould and housing corporation failed to respond to have the mould fixed as a result she was stuck in unsafe housing for over a year.

The investigation said the workplace actions amounted to severe maladministration and poor practices as result they must pay compensation to the resident. The investigation found also they broke UK equality laws.

Before I got fired my boss did warn me in the months leading up to the merger things were going to be difficult for the department and trying to keep the team together. He looked so scared as he was explaining to me. At first I thought he was talking about jobs losses no ot makes sense my boss knew a big scandal was coming.

I noticed my boss became erratic in his behaviour before this scandal became public he was getting even more stressed in meetings and then our work relations broke down. Before we used to get on so well then when things started going wrong in my job role he blamed me for bringing problems in the department. 5 days before I got fired we got into big fight as I was not putting up with his arsehole behaviour so I yelled at him. He has never heard me shout as I have always been softly spoken.

The day he fired me he changed his behaviour and tone. His eyes looked so sorrowful and he was more calmed down. I never seen this side of him before. Actually as we talked we both even exchanged a few jokes and our communication was going to back to how it was in the beginning civil and ighthearted. I thought I could persuade him to keep me on despite everything. I fought till the end.

The way he looked at me I will never forget even said "thank you but I have to let you go. Don't think of getting fired as the worst thing that happened to you maybe this could have been the best thing that ever happened to you"

I found his comments very very bizarre. It is so weird all the scandals come out after I got fired.