I have come to accept that pain is part of the process to CTB

[wait-for-the-bus]

I have come to accept that pain maybe part of the process to CTB

I have resigned to the fact, if I need to move forward on this journey, I can't let the possibility of pain stop me.

I intend to leave by full suspension hanging.

If it goes well, and I compress the carotid artery, I will just slip into darkness painlessly. But if I only compress the jugular vein, my head may feel it is exploding as the blood can't return to the heart. I really do expect some pain because its more likely my jugular and carortid will be both constricted.

If I really fuck up, and I only compresses my airway, I should expect up to three minutes before I pass out. I am sure it would be the longest three minutes in my existence. I will have tell myself that when its over - the dead won't remember the pain.

But what I am concluding is that while I should really plan to get it right, when I step off that stool for the last time, I have be willing to accept whatever the bus sends my way. That's the only way we can CTB.

 

[Round Two]

But what I am concluding is that while I should really plan to get it right, when I step off that stool for the last time, I have be willing to accept whatever the bus sends my way. That's the only way we can CTB.

A very poetic sentiment. I'd have to agree.

 

[Ta555]

I have come to accept that pain maybe part of the process to CTB

I have resigned to the fact, if I need to move forward on this journey, I can't let the possibility of pain stop me.

I intend to leave by full suspension hanging.

If it goes well, and I compress the carotid artery, I will just slip into darkness painlessly. But if I only compress the jugular vein, my head may feel it is exploding as the blood can't return to the heart. I really do expect some pain because its more likely my jugular and carortid will be both constricted.

If I really fuck up, and I only compresses my airway, I should expect up to three minutes before I pass out. I am sure it would be the longest three minutes in my existence. I will have tell myself that when its over - the dead won't remember the pain.

But what I am concluding is that while I should really plan to get it right, when I step off that stool for the last time, I have be willing to accept whatever the bus sends my way. That's the only way we can CTB.

I'm going through this process too. I'm reading as much about full suspension as I can. Sending you hugs.

 

[wait-for-the-bus]

I'm going through this process too. I'm reading as much about full suspension as I can. Sending you hugs.

Thank you - I hope your journey goes well.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I'm also leaning in favor of full suspension after continuously failing to compress carotids when practicing partial. I'm hoping that when I jump, the rope tightens itself enough to compress both carotids and jugulars so I can black out before much of the pain occurs. Whether you ctb or change your mind, I hope you can find the peace you are looking for.

 

[subj]

I have come to accept that pain maybe part of the process to CTB

I have resigned to the fact, if I need to move forward on this journey, I can't let the possibility of pain stop me.

I intend to leave by full suspension hanging.

If it goes well, and I compress the carotid artery, I will just slip into darkness painlessly. But if I only compress the jugular vein, my head may feel it is exploding as the blood can't return to the heart. I really do expect some pain because its more likely my jugular and carortid will be both constricted.

If I really fuck up, and I only compresses my airway, I should expect up to three minutes before I pass out. I am sure it would be the longest three minutes in my existence. I will have tell myself that when its over - the dead won't remember the pain.

But what I am concluding is that while I should really plan to get it right, when I step off that stool for the last time, I have be willing to accept whatever the bus sends my way. That's the only way we can CTB.

Some of my fears are that as a result of abuse in adolescense, I have little value and have sought heavy pain all my life. When I think of how to CBT Ionly want it to be long and painful. Crucifixion comes to mind but obviously this requires help and would not be self inflicted just self willing.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it, a painful dying process is nothing compared to decades of pain which I would have to experience if I stayed alive. I am held back by the fear of failure though. I do believe that I deserve a peaceful death, it is cruel how we are denied that option. I wish you the best, whatever happens.