Manga
Member
- Aug 30, 2025
- 8
I never got a normal childhood or anything so far, school was the main culprit of all the mental issues i have, i was bullied even though i changed schools about 6 or 7 times i never had any ambitions or goals as a child because i was so worried whats gonna happen to me next day in class, i got jumped for no reason, teachers didn't seem to care, i was sexually assaulted multiple times in school.
Even outside school i was molested, i wasn't even aware that what was happening to me was wrong and i never told anybody this in my whole life or opened up about it because i feel ashamed about it i was also touched sexually multiple times throughout my childhood
My parents on the other hand, have never liked eachother or truly loved eachother home felt a prison
Getting beaten by my parents was normal, because they thought it was discipline
Growing up in my teens, i just felt insecure around people constantly trying to please them and thinking they are right just because they were older than me i also found out that both my parents were cheating on eachother, i didn't know what to feel about it so i stayed silent
So far i just realized people treat you better only conditionally except good parents which mine certainly were not
Most of friends i had in childhood never felt like friends at all let alone true friends
The only love attachment i had when i was a child 6 or 7
there was this girl around our neighbourhood who was really pretty but much much older then me
for some reason i just seemed to like her
we used to play games together
it all felt like a finally human experience to me
but unluckily she moved to another city
when i became a teen i started fantasizing about her, constantly thinking about her, making up a life with her, scenarios that were unrealistic
This was Limerence, because i never felt loved, and all childhood trauma led me to thinking about her constantly because i seeked her validation
so finally after months, i found out that she got married and has 3 kids now, i fell into depression and severe anxiety because all those dreams and fantasies of mine got crushed in a instant second.
after that,
I never tried to build a relationship with another girl because in my heart i will never be able to forget her
I'm a grown man now
but i'm stuck in the past
nothing seems to go the way i planned and i feel miserable and desperate
I can only wish i led a normal life
I have self harmed a couple of few times but i dont feel like doing anything anymore
This worlds just full of manipulative people and sadness for me
Even outside school i was molested, i wasn't even aware that what was happening to me was wrong and i never told anybody this in my whole life or opened up about it because i feel ashamed about it i was also touched sexually multiple times throughout my childhood
My parents on the other hand, have never liked eachother or truly loved eachother home felt a prison
Getting beaten by my parents was normal, because they thought it was discipline
Growing up in my teens, i just felt insecure around people constantly trying to please them and thinking they are right just because they were older than me i also found out that both my parents were cheating on eachother, i didn't know what to feel about it so i stayed silent
So far i just realized people treat you better only conditionally except good parents which mine certainly were not
Most of friends i had in childhood never felt like friends at all let alone true friends
The only love attachment i had when i was a child 6 or 7
there was this girl around our neighbourhood who was really pretty but much much older then me
for some reason i just seemed to like her
we used to play games together
it all felt like a finally human experience to me
but unluckily she moved to another city
when i became a teen i started fantasizing about her, constantly thinking about her, making up a life with her, scenarios that were unrealistic
This was Limerence, because i never felt loved, and all childhood trauma led me to thinking about her constantly because i seeked her validation
so finally after months, i found out that she got married and has 3 kids now, i fell into depression and severe anxiety because all those dreams and fantasies of mine got crushed in a instant second.
after that,
I never tried to build a relationship with another girl because in my heart i will never be able to forget her
I'm a grown man now
but i'm stuck in the past
nothing seems to go the way i planned and i feel miserable and desperate
I can only wish i led a normal life
I have self harmed a couple of few times but i dont feel like doing anything anymore
This worlds just full of manipulative people and sadness for me
